The modern-day sober virtual community has given me access to meet people from around the world in recovery that I likely wouldn’t have crossed paths with. I have always found benefit in connecting with people in recovery with approximately the same amount of time or more than I currently have. With this two-year-old new access card, I’m finding new ways to connect with like-minded people in recovery that also have shared interests and long-term recovery. Finding long-term women in recovery who share multiple things in common is like being granted access to a lush valley in the mountains full of Unicorn farms. That is why I am so excited about this new monthly series, Time Takes Time, with my good friend and Calm Coach Lane Kennedy.
Lane and I have been developing our friendship virtually since late spring 2021. We’ve never met in person, and that doesn’t matter. Over time, our contact has become more frequent between the Clubhouse app, emails, text messages, FaceTimes, Zooms, and Marco Polo. We’ve even watched TV shows together from the comforts of our homes. More than once! If we lived in the same city, we would add regular in-person contact to the list of ways we nurture our friendship. I have zero doubts.
Lane’s voice is like butter, and I find her tone incredibly calming. Her language is engaging, insightful, articulate, and sometimes challenging. (which I like) When I spent time thinking about why I feel such a strong connection to her, what always comes up for me is the fact that she’s been sober even longer than I have … by a decade. As 2021 ended, Lane began her 25th year in long-term recovery. I never dreamed I would get to the current length of time I have. And when I think of where I will be a decade from now, I wonder what that will look like. Who will I be? Will I be alive? Are my parents still alive? Is my son ok? Will I still be sober?
I don’t know the answers to any of those questions. I have to take my sobriety one day at a time. The longer I stay sober; it’s become harder and harder to find other women in long-term recovery. Lane and I decided to define long-term as 10+ years loosely and more extended clean/sober time.
So why is this important to me?
I adore connecting with people in early recovery. My personal definition of early recovery is the first five years. But that wouldn’t have been my definition when I was three years sober. And by sober, I mean sober-sober. (if you know, you know.)
Around the five-year mark, numerous things fell into place that created a significant shift in my life. My 10th year of sobriety also changed more like an earthquake and a story for another time. In May of 2021, I celebrated 15 years. I shifted so much I never left my house and launched a sober multi-media online self-published magazine thanks to a global pandemic that started the year before.
Also, side note, it feels bizarre to write about March 2020 as something that happened two years ago. Is it just me, or is time different now? And by different, I mean, I’m more thoughtful about how I spend it.
Unless you’ve experienced these significant shifts of time paired with a change in the course of your life, it’s harder to fully connect with someone else that hasn’t had the same experiences. Ok, not harder, just different. But talking with another person, like my friend Lane Kennedy, who’s had similar significant shifts at similar times in her recovery, a lightbulb went off. For both of us.
As much as we love having recovery talks with people in early recovery, it’s not the same as talking to someone with the same amount of time or more. Then I realized, when I was in early recovery, talking to someone with 15 years or 25 years was always different from talking to someone else in early recovery. Because times takes time, you can’t buy your way there faster. There’s no book, public speaker, podcast, retreat, or coaching program that can accelerate your growth experience like actual time. Exact time can not be faked.
Time is not the only factor
But time isn’t the only factor. You have to layer in spiritual practice and growth—a belief in something greater than yourself. If done correctly, you become more concerned about helping others instead of only thinking of your own selfish needs. You practice faith continually over the years, which naturally ebbs and flows. Some years are better than others. Some memories of the early years fade, and you have a new way of living. And you have unique sets of challenges. Actually, in comparison, your problems get classy compared to your pre-sober problems. You want to talk about it with someone who gets it. Lane has the get-it factor.
This is why I’m excited to partner with her on a new monthly series called Time Takes Time. Anyone can be an active listener to the conversations. But the talks are between the old-timers. People that have put in the time.
Think about it this way. You will never forget the group of people you went to school with, whether elementary, high school, college, etc, even when new people come into your life. If they graduated the same year of high school as you did, you have a bond. And you immediately share in at least one shared life experience. (Shout-out to all my Centralia Tigers! Class of ’93)
Connection
The opposite of addiction is connection. That’s a phrase frequently mentioned in recovery circles. And, the connection with others that have the get-it factor on specific topics can change the power of the conversations based on the shared experiences of time.
Time Takes Time will be spaces in virtual places for old-timers to talk about all the old-timer things. Think of it as a virtual Sober Senior Center. We enjoy the connection with each other and the uniqueness that it has to offer, and we really love to see visitors. (Like, a lot!)
My friendship with Lane is a sisterhood. I never had an older sibling. Sometimes I imagine this is how that might feel. In addition to her smooth as Lucite voice, she also has excellent hair, stylish frames and is almost always wearing a signature neck scarf. It suits her because she’s a recovered woman comfortable in her skin. Something I’ve made a lot of progress on but still have a long way to go. It’s also like a team. She’s on the varsity team while I’m over here hustling on the Junior Varsity sidelines, looking up to her.
-Alysse B.
Friends, we hope you enjoy this first Time Takes Time conversation. We’ve been building a sober database of old-timers from Instagram from all over the country and around the world. Different backgrounds, different cultures. Plus, of course, our own in-person connections that were collected over the years of pre-Covid days. Connections will be made and conversations will flow. And, hopefully, we’ll all grow in whatever ways we’re supposed to.
We hope you decide maybe you want to follow along too, or perhaps you can’t wait to tell us the year you’re the class of.
Yours in service,
Alysse Bryson, Class of 2006, and Lane Kennedy, Class of 1996
Connected Calm Life With Lane Kennedy
Welcome to a little time. A special episode dedicated to Time. In this episode, I’m joined with previous guests of the show — we share and answer your questions. Enjoy!
- Sober at 18
- Does drinking take the edge of life?
- Finding my own way, my path that feels right for me
- How to use the fellowship to save your life
- What do you do when your hit with cravings or darkness?
- Pandemic living
- Online recovery does it work long-term?
Special Guests include: Alysse Bryson, Founder of The Sober Curator, Amy Liz Harrison, Author Eternally Expecting, Catherine Just, Artist, Photographer, and Spiritual Guide, and Kristina Dennis, Recovery Coach (all of these women are also sober moms)
PLEASE NOTE: In this case, Long Term Recovery is being defined as 10+ or more of sober/clean time
Connected Calm Life Host: Lane Kennedy, Sober Curator – San Francisco
Connected Calm Life on Apple Podcast
Spotify:
If you’re an old timer, which we define as 10+ or more years of sober/clean time, then we want to hear from you! DM us at @thesobercurator on IG or email us at thesobercurator@gmail.com or reach out to Lane Kennedy at @lane_kennedy_ directly.
RECOVERY PODCASTLAND: There are so many solid, binge-worthy podcasts out there. But with new episodes coming out weekly, it’s impossible to keep up. The Sober Curator is here to help. Recovery Podcastland lets you in on our favorites.
Sober Curator Pro Tip: For a quick hit of recovery, listen to our recommended podcasts when you’re driving, walking your dogs, working out, cleaning the house, working on a craft project, getting ready in the morning, or making a meal.
Resources are available
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
2 Comments
This series sounds amazing! Thanks for making it happen!
I can’t wait to hear what you think of it after you listen and watch. Cheers. Lane