On a flight home from Italy in February 2019, I had my final glass of alcoholic wine, ever. I didn’t know it would be my last, and I just knew I was tired.
Drinking was something that had been so fun at one point. It brought friends together; bottomless brunch mimosas, and watching the football game at the bar, but those once fun benders had turned into a nightly routine I couldn’t kick. It wasn’t fun anymore, and I felt like shit.
Society tells you to drink when you’re happy, drink when you’re sad, drink when you’re bored, and drink the minute you get on a plane for vacation. Society assumes that being sober makes you boring OR that you have had a serious problem with alcohol.
So, I drank.
Making it successfully through dry January, I hadn’t felt this great in a long time, both physically and mentally. But I never expected how much that decision to quit indefinitely would change my life.
I didn’t even like drinking in my 20s, I was an active, happy person with a drive to do big things in life, and I thought the taste of wine was disgusting! As I began my career and the pressure to attend post-work, happy hours and celebrations became my regular social outlet; somewhere along the way, I lost my motivation, and my zest for life.
A glass of wine once a week turned into a nightly routine while watching reality TV, and a happy hour was never just an hour, turning into a four hour-long weekday bender, leaving me groggy and gross the next day. Days turned into weeks and years and left me feeling unsuccessful and unaccomplished in my career and in life.
Navigating life sober
Over the past years, as I’ve learned to navigate through life without the “help” of alcohol, I’ve mostly kept my decision to myself, not wanting to jinx myself by talking about it or sticking out by being different. I do not shout my decision from the rooftop so as not to pressure myself. I took sobriety one day, week, and month at a time. Social situations, at first intimidating, became a fun game of duping those around me with a cocktail glass of soda water and lime. Friends who knew I wasn’t drinking were supportive. I realized it was never alcohol that made us have a good time together.
A few months before I started my journey, I recalled a family friend talking about brewing a beer named “The Motivation Killer.” Funny name, I thought, and I filed that away and didn’t think much else about it. Looking back, I realize incredibly realistic that name is. As I found my sober footing in social situations and the courage to go out without the crutch of a can of Rosé or White Claw in hand, I found a motivation in life I hadn’t experienced in years. That “someday” list of accomplishments became a reality.
In my first year of sobriety, I:
- Applied and began an MBA program
- Paid off all my credit card debt
- Finished MANY house projects (now that I wasn’t drinking my money away)
- Saved a bunch of money (who knew drinking cost so much!)
- Traveled to eight countries
- Lost 15 lbs
Through setting these goals and achieving these accomplishments, I’ve regained clarity in life. I know what I do and do not want. I’m less worried about what people think. I’m no longer allowing my life and circumstances run me, I finally feel back in the drivers seat.
On my 1-year alcohol-free anniversary, I’m writing this to share the why behind sobriety. (Dated February 19, 2020)
Quitting alcohol isn’t for everyone, and it doesn’t bother me if people drink or even get a little silly and sloppy around me.
But for anyone who might be sober and curious, I wanted to share my journey. If you have thought about it but aren’t sure where to start, I recommend taking it one day at a time, reading some quit lit books (the ones below certainly helped me), and finding a support system of people who love you regardless.
Update: February 2023
This post was originally written on my 1st sobriety anniversary in February 2020. Just one month later, the world shut down, impacting the world as a whole as we knew it.
The pandemic was brutal for everyone – some more than others, and I felt very blessed to have the support I did. I’m proud to say that despite the challenges and a job loss in February 2021, I’ve maintained sobriety throughout the last four years. I completed my master’s degree, started my own business, and now help support other women in business. I’ve become the person I have always wanted to be deep down but hid behind social pressures and the shame of drinking.
Sobriety is an ongoing journey, whatever path you take! To learn more about my story, check out my website, itscarolynbunn.com, and hear more in this podcast by Eternally Amy.
Click here to learn more about Carolyn Bunn
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