Something I’ve been struggling with lately is staying up too late. It’s a vicious cycle. I wake up in the morning feeling exhausted after telling myself I’m going to bed at a reasonable time so I can wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on my day. I’ve noticed that my lack of productivity is directly related to staying up too late either working, scrolling social media channels, binging Netflix shows (that I might not even like), or going down the YouTube rabbit hole. Regardless of what I’m spending my time on, I’ve been stuck in the insanity of staying up late. I love the definition of insanity I’ve heard in the 12-step rooms, “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” I keep going to bed too late, thinking I can make myself get up early to have a good productive day but it doesn’t happen. I keep getting the same results. If I want different results, my solution is to get into a better nighttime routine and go to bed earlier.
A girlfriend of mine describes herself as a multidisciplinary 12-stepper. When I first heard her say that about herself, it made me giggle. I realized that I also qualify as a multidisciplinary 12-stepper. I’m an alcoholic, codependent, adult child (of an alcoholic), and I’ve recently discovered (or recently admitted) that I’m also a workaholic.
A couple of years ago I heard about something called “revenge bedtime procrastination.” So I recently decided to research a bit more about bedtime procrastination. I learned that there might be a correlation between addiction and staying up too late. That link has to do with having difficulty self-regulating. In 2014, a group of researchers from the Netherlands coined the term “Bedtime Procrastination.” The word revenge was added a few years later in China. It describes how people would work long days and stay up too late as a means of feeling some sort of control over their time.
So, What Exactly is Bedtime Procrastination?
Bedtime procrastination is “the phenomenon of postponing going to bed, typically resulting in a lack of sleep.”
There are other reasons why people would experience “Revenge Bedtime Procrastination” if they aren’t working long hours – perhaps the day is filled with household and parenting tasks so one way to feel in control is to stay up late at night when everyone else has gone to bed. (I know all about this… I’m writing this article in my PJs and robe, while everyone else is sleeping.) I do this even though I know my kids are going to wake up at around 6 a.m. I know I need to go to sleep earlier so that I can show up and be more present for myself and for them, but yet, the insanity continues.
Before getting sober, I would make those same promises about alcohol. I would tell myself, “I’m not going to drink today.” I would wake up in the morning with a feeling of ‘pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization,’ I would promise myself I’m not going to drink that day. Still, I would fall victim to the obsession for alcohol just a few hours later. The feeling isn’t as severe with bedtime procrastination. I don’t experience that same pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization but I do wake up feeling bad, tired, and stuck in a rut.
Difficulty With Self-Regulation / Lacking Self-Control
I already mentioned that the research suggests that the reason for bedtime procrastination is difficulty self-regulating or a lack of self-control. I’d like to dive a little deeper into what this means. Self-regulation is the ability to calm down when experiencing difficult emotions in order to behave or react to the situation in a healthy way. Using or drinking is a way to self-regulate, but obviously, there are healthier ways to manage feelings and respond to situations. When I use a substance to self-regulate, I’m not self-regulating, I’m avoiding. I’m not feeling the feelings, I’m avoiding the feelings because they are too uncomfortable. I’m avoiding because I don’t want to be present, I’m avoiding because I can’t handle being present. I think learning and practicing being present, and learning how to just “be” is a huge part of recovery. Alcohol was a way for me to check out because being present was too difficult. I didn’t want to be in my skin, I didn’t want to be seen. Alcohol helped me to hide because I didn’t want people to know the real me. I feared that if they knew the real me, they wouldn’t like me. I couldn’t handle that.
I’m realizing that bedtime procrastination shows up in my life as a symptom of workaholism. It’s also a way that I attempt to self-regulate but ultimately it causes more stress, which is the opposite of what I’m trying to accomplish. I know it’s a symptom of my workaholism because I took one of those “20 questions” quizzes online. I took one when I learned I was an alcoholic, and I recently took the one about workaholism as well. The first question asks, “Are you more drawn to your work or activity than close relationships, rest, etc.” The answer is yes. I will work instead of investing in my close relationships.I will also work and avoid rest. I answered, “yes,” to a lot more of those 20 questions, but we’re just talking about bedtime procrastination today.
Here Are Some Things That Have Worked for Me and Helped Me with Bedtime Procrastination
First, it’s so important for me to start with grace and not be too hard on myself. I’ve recently discovered 12 step meetings that focus on workaholism that I’m hoping will help because I’ve discovered that the steps can be helpful for an array of life issues.
A daily routine is an absolute necessity for me. My daily routine STARTS with a nighttime/bedtime routine, not a morning routine. Huh? Yup, you read that right. A daily routine STARTS with a nighttime routine. I’ve had to ask myself, “What time does your first responsibility start in the morning?” Whatever time I’m required to be “ON,” I need to make sure I have time BEFORE that for a morning routine. For example: My kids are up by 6 a.m., so, if I want a morning routine that includes time to myself, I need to be up by 4:30 or 5 a.m. Some of the things I do as a part of my nighttime routine include turning off all the screens, reading a book, praying, meditating, taking a shower, and turning down the lights.
Next, I count backward 8 hours from my wake-up time. This is my bedtime. I know I need 7-8 hours of sleep so that is why I count backward 8 hours. So for example: If I need to be up by 4:30 or 5 a.m, then I need to go to bed by 8:30 or 9 p.m. Some of the things I do as a part of my morning routine include: reading, praying, meditating, taking a shower, getting dressed, putting on my makeup, making my bed, stretching, exercising, going for a walk, drinking coffee, tea, or hot water.
I’ll keep adding to this list as I continue on my journey toward freedom from both workaholism and bedtime procrastination. But for today, I’m grateful that there’s no finish line and there’s always room for improvement because recovery is all about progress, not perfection.
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