Sobriety teaches us a lot about boundaries — how to set them, how to honor them and how to recognize when they’re being crossed. But sometimes, even with the best intentions, we find ourselves stuck in old patterns — especially in places where we’re just trying to help.
In this week’s episode of “Eternally Amy,” I dig into what I call “Volunteering Voodoo” — that strange space where service, faith, guilt and the desire to belong get all tangled up. If you’ve ever felt burned out, manipulated or just plain exhausted by your volunteer work, especially in a church, nonprofit, or school, you’re not alone.
And if you’re doing all that while in recovery? It can get even trickier.
When Overgiving Becomes Overwhelming
For many of us in recovery, service is sacred. It’s part of how we stay sober. But what happens when that service starts to mirror the unhealthy patterns we’re working to leave behind?
In this episode, I share some personal and raw reflections on:
- Volunteer burnout and the pressure to be “always available”
- People-pleasing dressed up as “being of service”
- Manipulation and guilt in faith-based communities
- The need to belong, and how it can cloud our judgment
- Saying “no” as an act of self-care and empowerment
What 12-Step Programs Get Right
One of the biggest takeaways for me has been the contrast between unhealthy volunteer environments and the non-hierarchical, mutual respect found in 12-step programs. Nobody’s above anyone else. There are no medals for martyrdom. And there’s no shame in stepping back when you need to.
That’s the kind of structure I now seek out — and hope to help others recognize, too.
Permission to Walk Away
If volunteering is making you feel drained, resentful or like you’re not enough unless you’re overextending yourself — pause. Ask yourself: Is this actually helping me grow, or am I shrinking to fit in?
Here’s the truth I’m still learning in recovery: You’re allowed to walk away. You’re allowed to protect your peace. And you don’t owe anyone access to your time, your energy or your emotional labor.
Tune In
Give the episode a listen if you’ve ever struggled with the tension between faith, recovery and wanting to do good — but not at the expense of your own wellbeing. (Episode aired May 26th)
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Amy Liz Harrison is a bestselling author, podcast host, and proud sober mom of eight. She’s passionate about recovery, mental health, and creating honest conversations about life after alcohol. Find her on Instagram @amylizharrison.
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