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    Home - My Boss Disappears on Benders. What Can I Do?
    HEALTH & WELLNESS

    My Boss Disappears on Benders. What Can I Do?

    Sarah AlaimoBy Sarah AlaimoMay 26, 202610 Mins Read
    My Boss Disappears on Benders. What Can I Do?
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    Photo Credit: depositphotos.com

    This is one of those workplace questions that sits at the intersection of leadership, legal risk, compassion, and reality.

    I want to start here: When alcohol is involved, especially when someone appears to be struggling with alcohol use disorder, it is very easy for everyone around them to start bending themselves into unusual shapes.

    People cover.

    People explain.

    People absorb.

    People normalize what is not normal because they care about the person, fear retaliation, need the job, or simply do not know what else to do.

    I say that as a people leader. I say that as someone who has spent years helping organizations navigate complicated human situations. And I say that as a woman in long-term sobriety who knows this much for sure: Untreated addiction does not stay neatly contained inside one person’s life. It spills. Into families. Into friendships. Into workplaces. Into trust.

    So, when an employee says, “My boss disappears on benders and the rest of us are left to keep the company running,” my first thought is not, “How sad for the boss.”

    It is, “How unsafe and unsustainable for the team.”

    Both things can be true.

    You can have compassion for a founder who is clearly struggling and still name the impact of their behavior.

    You can understand that addiction is a disease and still expect accountability in the workplace.

    You can hope someone gets help, and still protect your own employment, your own mental health, and the health of the business.

    That distinction matters.

    From an HR and employment perspective, the issue is not simply, “My boss is an alcoholic.” In fact, that is probably not the language I would recommend using internally unless the person has disclosed that themselves. The workplace issue is observable behavior and business impact.

    The founder is absent.

    The founder is unreachable.

    The founder is not completing essential responsibilities.

    The team is absorbing extra work.

    Morale is being damaged.

    Decision-making may be delayed.

    Client relationships, financial commitments, employee trust, and operational continuity may all be at risk.

    That is the record. That is the concern. That is what should be documented.

    In a larger organization, you would typically have options. You could go to HR. You could escalate to a board. You could speak to a senior leader, legal counsel, an employee relations partner, or an ethics hotline. There would likely be policies around attendance, conduct, impairment at work, leave, accommodations, safety, and performance expectations.

    In a 10-person founder-led company with no HR department and no formal board, the path is harder. But harder does not mean impossible.

    The first step is to stop treating this as a personality issue and start treating it as an operational risk.

    That means documenting patterns in a factual, non-emotional way. Dates. Missed meetings. Delayed approvals. Client impact. Work that had to be reassigned. Times when the founder was unreachable. The effect on deadlines, workload, or business continuity.

    Not gossip.

    Not diagnosis.

    Not “he was drunk again.”

    Instead: “On May 3, the client proposal could not be approved because we were unable to reach him for two business days. Sarah and James completed the work outside their normal responsibilities to prevent the deadline from being missed.”

    That is the kind of documentation that creates clarity.

    The second step is to consider whether there is anyone with influence. Even if there is no formal board, there may be an outside accountant, attorney, investor, business partner, spouse, co-founder, senior employee, or trusted adviser who has enough proximity to understand the risk.

    This is delicate, and I would not recommend one employee going rogue with accusations. But if several employees are experiencing the same issue, a small group may be able to raise the concern together in a way that is respectful, factual, and focused on the business.

    Something like:

    “We care about the company and want it to succeed. We are concerned that repeated periods of founder unavailability are creating operational risk and placing unsustainable pressure on the team. We are not trying to make personal assumptions, but we do need a plan for leadership coverage, decision-making authority, and accountability when key responsibilities are not being met.”

    That is a very different conversation than, “You need to stop drinking.”

    Because, frankly, employees are not responsible for diagnosing, treating, rescuing, or managing the founder’s addiction.

    That is where the sobriety lens is important.

    In recovery spaces, we talk a lot about powerlessness. But powerlessness does not mean passivity. It means I cannot control another person’s drinking. I cannot love someone into sobriety. I cannot manage the consequences so perfectly that they finally decide to get well.

    The workplace version of that is this: Employees cannot make the founder get sober.

    But they can stop silently carrying the full weight of the dysfunction.

    They can ask for structure.

    They can ask for decision rights.

    They can ask for a second signer on financial matters.

    They can ask for documented backup authority.

    They can ask for role clarity.

    They can ask for a leadership continuity plan.

    They can ask for boundaries around availability, approvals, client commitments, and escalations.

    They can also decide what they are no longer willing to absorb.

    Photo Credit: depositphotos.com

    Legally, this is where things get nuanced. Alcohol use disorder may be considered a disability under certain circumstances, but that does not give someone unlimited protection to fail to perform essential job duties, disappear from work, create safety concerns, or violate workplace policies. Employers may have obligations around reasonable accommodation, but they also have the right to hold employees accountable for conduct and performance.

    The complication, of course, is that the person creating the risk is the founder. That does not remove the risk. It just makes governance weaker.

    And weak governance is a people problem.

    It is a business problem.

    It is a legal risk problem.

    It is a culture problem.

    When one person’s untreated issues become the team’s operating model, the organization is no longer functioning from trust. It is functioning from compensation. Everyone else is compensating for the person who is absent.

    That creates resentment. It creates burnout. It creates confusion. It creates a quiet kind of instability where people stop believing the rules apply equally.

    And that is the part leaders need to understand: Employees are always watching what behavior gets tolerated.

    If the founder can disappear and everyone else has to clean it up, the message is not just “the founder is struggling.”

    The message is, “Your stability matters less than his avoidance.”

    That is corrosive.

    So, what are the options?

    Document the impact. Align with trusted colleagues. Focus on business continuity, not diagnosis. Identify anyone with real influence. Ask for operational safeguards. Be clear about what the team needs to do its work well. And privately, begin assessing your own threshold.

    Because sometimes the hard truth is this: You may not be able to fix the company from the seat you are in.

    You may be able to create enough clarity that the business finally has to face what it has been avoiding. You may be able to protect yourself and your colleagues from continuing to absorb the dysfunction without naming it. You may even be part of the reason someone finally gets help.

    But you are not responsible for saving a founder from the consequences of their own untreated addiction.

    As someone in recovery, I believe deeply in redemption. I believe people can change. I believe sobriety can rebuild lives, relationships, and careers in ways that are nothing short of miraculous.

    But I also believe in accountability.

    Recovery does not happen because everyone around us keeps pretending nothing is wrong.

    Sometimes the most compassionate thing a workplace can do is tell the truth.

    Not cruelly.

    Not publicly.

    Not with shame.

    But clearly.

    Something is not working. The team cannot keep carrying it. The business needs leadership. The employees need stability. And the founder needs help that the staff cannot provide.

    That is not a lack of compassion.

    That is what healthy boundaries sound like at work.


    Mental Health and Addiction in the Workplace: What Employers Need to Understand

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    The Sober Curator’s MENTAL HEALTH + WELLNESS section is your go-to guide for nurturing emotional well-being—especially for those in recovery. Explore resources, expert insights, and personal stories that connect the dots between mental health, sobriety, and self-care. From managing anxiety and depression to building mindfulness and emotional resilience, we provide practical tools and inspiration to help you thrive alcohol-free. By fostering open, stigma-free conversations, we empower our community to make emotional wellness a cornerstone of long-term recovery.

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    What should I do if my boss’s drinking is affecting the workplace?

    Start by focusing on what you can observe and document. Avoid diagnosing your boss or using labels they have not used themselves. Instead, track missed meetings, absences, delayed decisions, extra work the team had to absorb, and any impact on clients, deadlines, morale, or business operations.

    Should I tell HR if my boss disappears on benders?

    If your company has HR, a board, legal counsel, an ethics hotline, or another formal reporting structure, those may be appropriate places to raise the concern. Keep the conversation focused on business impact, safety, attendance, accountability, and operational continuity — not personal assumptions about alcohol use.

    What if there is no HR department?

    In a small founder-led company, the path is harder but not impossible. Consider whether there is a senior employee, co-founder, investor, attorney, accountant, adviser, or other person with influence who can help address the issue. A small group of employees may also be able to raise concerns together in a factual, respectful way.

    How should employees document a boss’s alcohol-related behavior?

    Document patterns in a factual, non-emotional way. Include dates, missed meetings, delayed approvals, client impact, reassigned work, and times when the leader was unreachable. Avoid statements like “he was drunk again.” A stronger record would say, “The client proposal could not be approved because we were unable to reach him for two business days.”

    Can employees call out a founder for drinking?

    Employees can raise concerns about workplace behavior and business impact, but they should avoid trying to diagnose, shame, or personally confront the founder about addiction. The issue to document and escalate is not “my boss is an alcoholic.” The issue is repeated unavailability, missed responsibilities, operational risk, and the team absorbing the fallout.

    Is alcohol use disorder protected under employment law?

    Alcohol use disorder may be considered a disability in some circumstances, but that does not give someone unlimited protection to miss work, fail to perform essential duties, create safety concerns, or violate workplace policies. Employers may have obligations around reasonable accommodation, but performance and conduct expectations still matter.

    How can employees protect themselves when a leader is unreliable?

    Employees can protect themselves by documenting patterns, clarifying decision-making authority, asking for backup coverage, requesting role clarity, and setting limits around what they can reasonably absorb. They should also privately assess whether the workplace is sustainable if leadership refuses to address the issue.

    What operational safeguards can a team request?

    A team can ask for backup decision-makers, a second signer on financial matters, documented approval processes, leadership coverage plans, escalation procedures, clearer role ownership, and boundaries around availability, client commitments, and urgent decisions.

    How do compassion and accountability coexist when addiction shows up at work?

    Compassion means recognizing that addiction is serious and that recovery is possible. Accountability means naming the impact of harmful behavior and refusing to let one person’s untreated issues become the entire team’s operating model. A person can deserve help, and employees can still deserve stability.

    What is the main takeaway from this article?

    The main takeaway is that employees cannot make a boss or founder get sober, but they can stop silently carrying the full weight of the dysfunction. Healthy workplace boundaries require truth, documentation, structure, and accountability — not shame, gossip, or endless covering.

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    Sarah Alaimo
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    Sarah Alaimo is a strategic HR leader, writer, sober mom, and recovery advocate passionate about building healthier lives from the inside out. Professionally, she is known for aligning people strategy with business goals to help organizations create strong, thriving workplace cultures. Personally, she is an international best-selling author of Pearls & Probation: Adventures of an Alcoholic Good Girl and a contributing author to THE x-fACTOR: The Spiritual Secrets Behind Successful Executives & Entrepreneurs. As a speaker, storyteller, and voice in the recovery community, Sarah shares candidly about sobriety, motherhood, resilience, and what it means to build a beautiful life in recovery.

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    • October 14 @ 7:00 pm - 9:30 pm EDT

      Reinventing the Classics

      Reinventing the Classics Overview Booze-free Mixology 101 Learn the art of mixology, sans booze. We're thrilled to be back at Spirited Away NYC for our second mixology workshop, Reinventing the

    + 5 More

    Thursday, October 15, 2026

    • Virtual Event
      October 15, 2026 2:00 pm - 3:00 pm
      Claude Anonymous | The Bi-Weekly Thursday AI Meeting for Sober Humans Who Are Sick of Feeling Behind
    • Virtual Event
      October 15 @ 2:00 pm - 3:00 pm PDT

      Claude Anonymous | The Bi-Weekly Thursday AI Meeting for Sober Humans Who Are Sick of Feeling Behind

      Claude Anonymous | The Bi-Weekly Thursday AI Meeting for Sober Humans Who Are Sick of Feeling Behind Bring your questions, your half-finished projects, and your low-grade panic about AI. One

    • October 15, 2026 5:00 pm - 7:00 pm
      Networking Night @ The SoberTea Club
    • October 15 @ 5:00 pm - 7:00 pm CDT

      Networking Night @ The SoberTea Club

      Networking Night @ The SoberTea Club Come join us for a fun filled evening of networking, learning about personal finances & learning to live a more genuine & sober lifestyle!

    + 5 More

    Friday, October 16, 2026

    • October 16, 2026 7:00 pm - 8:30 pm
      Art of Recovery at Restore Recovery
    • October 16 @ 7:00 pm - 8:30 pm CDT

      Art of Recovery at Restore Recovery

      Art of Recovery at Restore Recovery September 18th, October 16th, November 20th, December 18th Join Restore Recovery for an evening of connection, creativity, & inspiration! The evening will feature a

    • October 16, 2026 7:30 pm - 9:30 pm
      Dry social: singles at Nook (trivia night)
    • October 16 @ 7:30 pm - 9:30 pm EDT

      Dry social: singles at Nook (trivia night)

      Dry social: singles at Nook (trivia night) Overview If you’re sick of scrolling, stroll over to a cozy neighborhood Nook for an intimate social experience. Play your cards 🃏 in

    + 5 More

    Saturday, October 17, 2026

    • October 17, 2026 7:00 am - 10:00 am
      Run for Hope. Walk for Healing. Renew a Life.
    • October 17 @ 7:00 am - 10:00 am CDT

      Run for Hope. Walk for Healing. Renew a Life.

      Run for Hope. Walk for Healing. Renew a Life. This a community event dedicated to restoring hope, rebuilding lives, and supporting individuals and families impacted by addiction, mental health challenges,

    • October 17, 2026 10:00 am - 12:30 pm
      Okt SOBER Fest – Brunch Potluck and Root Beer Floats
    • October 17 @ 10:00 am - 12:30 pm PDT

      Okt SOBER Fest – Brunch Potluck and Root Beer Floats

      Okt SOBER Fest - Brunch Potluck and Root Beer Floats Join us for Okt SOBER Fest fun with potluck eats and root beer floats, good vibes and a space for

    • October 17, 2026 1:00 pm - 5:00 pm
      Sober And Socializing: Gallery Walk
    • October 17 @ 1:00 pm - 5:00 pm EDT

      Sober And Socializing: Gallery Walk

      Sober And Socializing: Gallery Walk Overview Looking for Social actives away from the Bars? Join us for a Saturday Adventure through the Gallery District seeing Art & making Friends! S.A.S

    + 9 More

    Sunday, October 18, 2026

    • October 18, 2026 1:00 pm - 2:00 pm
      SOBER SWAP BACKSTAGE! Bring one thing. Leave with everybody else’s good taste.
    • October 18 @ 1:00 pm - 2:00 pm PDT

      SOBER SWAP BACKSTAGE! Bring one thing. Leave with everybody else’s good taste.

      SOBER SWAP BACKSTAGE! Bring one thing. Leave with everybody else's good taste. Think flea market energy, but we're swapping the stuff currently making life better, weirder, tastier, louder, or more

    + 4 More
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