Author: Kate Vitela

In Episode 9 of You’ve Been Selected, I sit down with Alysse Bryson, founder of The Sober Curator, a BuzzFeed-style online magazine for the sober-curious and alcohol-free crowd. Spoiler alert: we talk fashion, recovery and the kind of friendship that starts with saying yes to something you have no clue how to do.  Alysse shares the backstory of how The Sober Curator came to life (hint: it involved a whole lot of passion and probably caffeine), and how I somehow ended up writing a fashion column — without any formal fashion experience but plenty of bold opinions and dopamine outfits. …

Visiting the “Superfine Tailoring and Dandy Style” exhibit at The Met was nothing short of a masterclass in style, artistry and cultural significance. Walking through the exhibit, I was struck by the sheer range of influences on display, from impeccably tailored suits to streetwear, from Muhammad Ali’s iconic boxing shorts to the regal grandeur of Sunday church style. It was a celebration of fashion in all its forms, but more importantly, it was a celebration of Black artists and designers who have shaped this industry, often without receiving their due credit. In a time when DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion)…

I read “Soberful” by Veronica Valli on a flight to NYC once, and I underlined page after page like I was cramming for a final. I didn’t need to scroll her bio or stalk her Instagram to know she was legit — her words hit hard because they were true. So when I had the chance to sit down with her for an episode of You’ve Been Selected, I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about: the wild, weird and often wonderful world of sober social media. Let’s be real: Instagram is loud. And when it comes to sobriety,…

“Why do I still feel like crap even though I quit drinking?” If you’ve ever asked yourself that question in early sobriety, you’re not alone. Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) is one of the most misunderstood (and frustrating) parts of the recovery process. It’s not just about getting through the first few days or weeks without alcohol — it’s the lingering mental, emotional and physical symptoms that can show up months into sobriety. And if you don’t know what’s happening, it can feel like you’re doing something wrong. In Episode 7 of “You’ve Been Selected,” we dig into PAWS: what it…

“Recovery isn’t about fitting into someone else’s mold — it’s about finding what sets you free.” In Episode 6 of “You’ve Been Selected,” I break down my personal recovery framework — one that’s built on experience, humor and the hard-won lessons of sobriety. I call it the Faucets of Freedom, and it’s not some secret cure or magic trick. There’s no shortcut to sobriety — just a willingness to show up and do the work. WHAC is simply an acronym I put together to highlight key components that have helped me along the way. At its core, WHAC stands for…

“Recovery isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s a messy, beautiful, deeply personal journey.” When I first got sober, I needed structure. I needed something to hold onto, a place to go, people who understood. AA saved my life. It gave me a foundation when I had nothing else. Sitting in those rooms, I learned about surrender, honesty and the power of shared experience.  But as I started to rebuild my life, I got curious. My background in nursing and my natural love of research made me start digging deeper. I wanted to understand addiction — not just from a personal standpoint, but from…

Finding Strength When Life Falls Apart I had no intention of naming this podcast episode Resilience: Embracing the Suck, but my husband’s old military term kept popping into my head when I was recording. Because when it comes to building resilience — whether in recovery or just life in general — sometimes you really do have to embrace the suck. And if you know me, you know I don’t sugarcoat things. I recorded this episode after receiving the news that I was losing my job. Because sometimes life throws you a curveball, and all you can do is figure out…

I’m completely obsessed with the new documentary on YouTube by Loic Prigent, “Her Dior.” If you haven’t watched it yet, drop everything and do it now—seriously, it’s that good. It takes you inside Maria Grazia Chiuri’s game-changing impact at Dior, and let me tell you, it’s pure magic. But pro tip: turn on the captions because it’s mostly in Italian (which only makes it even hotter). Let’s talk about Maria Grazia Chiuri. The first woman to head Dior in its entire history—because, of course, it took until 2016 for a woman to run one of the most famous luxury fashion…

Episode 2 of You’ve Been Selected is deeply personal for obvious reasons. The phrase “You’ve Been Selected” is burned into my memory, thanks to the bright red letters on the infamous app that dictated my life during the nursing monitoring program. And now? It’s the name of my podcast, the title of my Sober Curator column, and possibly my next tattoo. In this episode, I share the unfiltered truth about my rock bottom and the long road to redemption. From the psych ward to a DUI, a marriage hanging by a thread, and the nursing commission stepping in, I was…

When I launched You’ve Been Selected, I knew I was putting my story out there. I hoped people would listen—but, if I’m being honest, I secretly hoped they’d be strangers I’d never have to see in real life. Then came the messages. Childhood friends. Old colleagues. “Hey, I listened to your podcast—I had no idea.” Going all in on a public platform doesn’t just mean shouting your story into the void. It means walking into Starbucks and realizing that the person from high school in line behind you knows you shit your pants, lost your teeth, and burned your career…

Jessica and I first bonded over missing teeth—a not-so-glamorous side effect of blackout drinking. When I met her in 2021, she was hosting an online meeting for the virtual sobriety group @sobermomssquad. It was my first time connecting with recovery friends through internet meetings, where I logged into Zoom, stared at tiny square icons, and told complete strangers my life story. What stood out wasn’t just the vulnerability—it was the laughter. Hard, belly-aching, trust-filled laughter with another woman I had just met online.  As we got to know each other, we realized our connection went beyond being drunk and toothless.…

The Quiet Struggle I often write about my messy bottom as a nurse—those long, dark nights that ended with me face-planting into rock bottom. But what I rarely talk about is the five-year stint I had in pharmaceutical sales. Yep, as a career nurse, there was this whole chapter in my life that I almost pretend didn’t happen because I’m still a little ashamed of it. It was a time when I swapped my scrubs for suits, but I felt like I was constantly in disguise, hiding behind sales jargon and wine glasses. I wasn’t exactly a corporate superstar, but…

As a sobriety coach, I often receive questions from my clients regarding the challenges of living an alcohol-free life. In this blog post, I will answer the top five recurring questions that are frequently asked. We will address common concerns, such as whether or not one can still have fun without drinking and if thoughts of alcohol ever resurface. So, let’s dive in and explore the joys and struggles of sobriety together. Here are additional insights to support your journey towards a healthier and happier life. 1. Why can’t I moderate my drinking? (Pro Tip: It’s a trap, stay off…

I am not the kind of person to attend a still art show. I appreciate fashion shows and moving art. Maybe because I move constantly and don’t slow down enough to take it all in. So, when I take the elevator up to the 5th floor at the Bendix building in DTLA, I am surprised at how moved I am standing still. The room is crowded, full of people standing around in the summer night heat with a slight breeze blowing through a fan in the window. The artist, Catherine Just, is smartly dressed in an oversized blazer with the…

I could talk for hours about this, I thought to myself. I am surprised more people in recovery or seeking sobriety don’t seem to have a lot of knowledge about what to expect throughout the phases of their recovery. But then again, until I was going through it, I didn’t care much to know either. At about two years sober, when I found myself still experiencing mood swings, difficulty sleeping, and periods of anhedonia, I hit the books. Why was everyone else on a “pink cloud,” and I was in a rainstorm? I needed to understand. That’s about when I…

I am a person who talks about neuroplasticity by day and shamelessly watches reality TV at night. So, let’s get that out there right from the start. I have been fascinated by the show Vanderpump Rules lately in an oddly voyeuristic sense, like not being able to look away from a train wreck, coupled with amusement of the human psyche. I also want to see what La La Kent is wearing. For those of you who aren’t fans, VPR is a show that follows a group of young men and women who, in their early twenties, worked in the restaurant…

Amidst the fervent buzz of New York Fashion Week, designer Tyrone Chablis stood as a visionary, presenting his thought-provoking collection “Armageddon” at Break Free on February 12th, 2024. As I sipped my Red Bull, Chablis unveiled his latest collection, a synthesis of eco conscious couture and storytelling through fashion. “Fashion is about not being afraid; it is about being bold. You make a statement when you have something to say with your wardrobe. When it comes to putting clothes on my clothes are not easy. When you put them on you have to have confidence. Its strong design and either…

In the bustling heart of New York City, something exciting is always happening. At the intersection of fashion, art, and innovation is this bespoke event; a collaboration between the iconic Wolf & Badger and dynamic Rehab Studios. I was running late due to an already overpacked schedule, cursing myself for not leaving my hotel sooner. Protesters outside the Louis Vuitton boutique in Soho, calling to end their use of exotic animal skin, had traffic backed up for miles. A giant red purse-shaped sign stated, “Louis Vuitton: A Look That Kills.” It’s fashion week. This is expected. I don’t have time to…

Missing The Point Scrolling through Instagram recently I saw a notification for another new and improved sobriety coaching membership. I am all in favor of any group or club helping others explore sobriety. I was curious. The website listed familiar recovery logos, directly comparing them by cost, group size, and messaging. Since when was selling sobriety like selling a gym membership? “At our gym, we limit the size of the classes, use only state-of-the-art equipment, and promise body transformation by using our proven 1-2-3 method. We are unlike those other gyms that cost x amount of money and use outdated…

In the latest episode of The Sober Curator, Kate Vitela sits down with Todd Kinney, an attorney, father of four, husband, and author of the inspiring book “I Didn’t Believe It Either.” The episode offers listeners a deep dive into Kinney’s journey to sobriety, his challenges with drinking, and the unexpected joys he discovered in an alcohol-free life. Todd Kinney’s decision to quit drinking didn’t come overnight. It was a gradual realization, bolstered by therapy, which led him to mark the significant transition between three to six months of sobriety. Initially, Kinney had reservations about joining a support group; however,…

This weird thing happens to you when you get sober. You lose the ability to lie or deceive. The other day, I texted the Founder of The Sober Curator @alysseinthecity that I might be the equivalent of the Jaywalker as referenced in the Big Book of AA, except my repeated injury comes in the form of fake bag scams and wasted money. However, when I look at it closer, I can see that the real injury is just a blow to the fragile persona I attempted to display to the public. #fashionista #fashionblogger #luxuryshopper. Let’s be real. I am a…

When I re-entered the workplace as a nurse after getting in trouble with the state board of nursing, I was doubtful anyone would ever trust me or look up to me as they once did. I wasn’t even sure I even believed in myself anymore. Who was I without drinking a gallon of wine after work? Would I still be cynical and funny and relevant? Would I still be cool and fit in with the other nurses? Most importantly, would they judge me? Luckily, I was 1% more determined than afraid. More Determined Than Afraid My first few months back,…

When the Tables Turn I’ve worked in a variety of settings in healthcare during my twenty-two years as an RN: Outpatient surgery, home health, ICU stepdown, skilled nursing, clinical education, family medicine, pharmaceutical sales, and so on. One thing I never thought I would do was be the director of nursing for an inpatient psychiatric unit. Until the tables turned, and I was patient in one. Flashback to 2016, I struggled with alcohol, pot, bulimia, anorexia, and severe anxiety. My life had fallen into the proverbial gutter. I was unemployed and unemployable. I had just received a letter from the…

I never thought this would happen. The milk sloshed in the Yeti mug in the cup holder in my car. I was driving like crazy to yet another mandatory UA drug test at the lab. It was 2018, and I enrolled in a program for nurses with substance use issues and committed to random UA a few times a month. This was willingly and begrudgingly to save my license from being restricted. I had downloaded an app on my phone that I would check in every weekday to see my fate. Had I been selected to UA today? The other…

When I was approached in 2021 to write a column about fashion and the role it plays in our recovery, I thought it would be a fun, silly way to add glam to a not-so-glamorous topic. I signed off on blog posts with “Grace and Glam” as my signature line and felt that was all I had to say to the recovery metaverse. It was the height of the pandemic during that time, and the self-help arena exploded. I was happy to stick with fashion and style and not contribute to the self-help zeitgeist. Harnessing my energy, I dove into the world…

I distinctly remember having lunch with a friend in my late twenties when she gave me a little advice, “you can eat, or you can drink, but you can’t do both.” Choosing the empty calories and the mind-obliterating wine over the breadbasket was my vice. I hated my body anyways. My friend chided, “Let’s just call it a liquid lunch.” I learned that day that I could allow myself the calories of a few glasses of wine if I went hungry. A slang term refers to a self-imposed restriction of calories reserved for drinking. It’s called drunkorexia. But I didn’t…

It was a sold-out venue in downtown Portland last Saturday when author Laura McKowen @lauramckowen teamed up with Sans Bar @sans_bar owner Chris Marshall to host a book signing and networking event. I call it a networking event because Laura made a point to tell the crowd to “meet at least one person tonight.” Knowing the need for a community of sober people in your corner is crucial to the wellbeing of those giving up booze. This was just what she did at the height of the pandemic in 2020 when she assembled online meetups for a group she called…

WTF is Barbiecore, and how is it relevant to sobriety? Simply put, it’s Dopamine Dressing. Now let’s unpack this a bit… While I’m not an expert in giving style advice, I am a certified dopamine diva so that I can speak with a well-earned level of real-life experience. Dopamine Dressing is a term that came into the fashionista’s lexicon a few years ago to give a fancy title to wearing what feels good!! #wearwhatmakesyouhappy. Personally, during my recovery, this has been a phenomenon that has helped me get through some tough days. I am no Barbie, but I know how…

The interior was spacious and welcoming at Daylight Studios in Hudson Yard on Saturday, 2/12/23. My mind flashed to Carrie Bradshaw the first time she entered her & Mr. Big’s massive New York high rise, “So this is where they keep the light.” I was a bit self-conscious because I did a rushed job shaving my legs that morning, assuming it would be a dimly lit studio space. #urbanjungle The light was glorious yet masked no flaws. There were no shadows to hide in. The studio was a beautifully raw space with whitewashed walls that made me feel a tad…

How do you unlearn decades of programming? I sit here snacking and typing, contemplating my waistline, and reaching for the trail mix. Fuck it. And fuck them and fuck the term heroin chic. I am not dying to stay thin anymore. Flashback to 1997. The year I graduated high school. I exercised almost daily, threw up my food, and refused to go to bed without finishing my self-prescribed regime of one-hundred sit-ups and push-ups. As early as fifteen, I hit play on the Cindy Crawford workout (VHS tape) like it was my religious calling. The high-fashion scene was the benchmark…