“I intended to go back to drinking after the medications were finished,” Harley told me, “But I was so happy with my life. By then, I had made so much progress that I decided to stay sober.”
Meet Harley from @styledandstressed, a 28-year-old career professional whose resume is as packed full as her closet. She quit drinking on 4/21/21 and has not looked back. Since that day, she has hit some significant milestones. She married her partner and finished grad school. Harley also came out as sober on social media to confirm her stance on living booze-free.
Styled and stressed is a great Instagram handle to describe the anxiety and struggles one faces balancing life/career/ and womaning in a world where booze is the most readily available numbing agent. “Booze used to help me manage my social anxiety,” Harley said. Now, as a sober woman, she finds herself far more confident and bolder than ever.
Style as Self-Care
“I was looking for a form of self-care meant for me,” Harley mused. “I like getting dressed up and dolled up and going places. So, I used style as a form of self-care. It elevates my mood in a way booze never could.”
This statement hit home for me as a #soberfashionista because I was looking for the same thing in my sobriety journey. Self-care. And not in the form of a hot bubble bath or a charcoal face mask. I was looking for inspiration in the form of self-discovery. Creativity is self-care for those of us who thrive on it. It’s not about fitting into today’s hottest trend; it’s about being experimental and finding and expressing yourself. Accessories play a key role in this form of self-expression, whether it’s a bold necklace, a signature watch, or even a pair of eyeglasses. Just as sobriety brings clarity to the mind, the right accessories can sharpen your personal style.
Wait. Is this article about Harley or me? Many women use the act of “getting dressed” as a statement of all those things: Self-discovery, creativity, self-awareness, experimentation, and self-expression. I think we articulate it a bit differently. @styledandstressed Harley chronicles her professional travels, her social life, and her outfits as she navigates the world stone-cold sober. This takes a certain kind of bravery that we don’t teach women at the age of their becoming. We teach them to belly up to the bar. Numb out to fit in.
Fuck FOMO
Harley’s advice was first to give up the booze and then work towards building a sober squad of people to “party” with. It’s such a refreshing concept that the younger generation is embracing. Where did we ever get the idea that we had to drink poison to have a good time? Harley reflected, “In the past, I wasn’t going to brunch unless there were bottomless mimosas.” However, she recalled, “I wasn’t exactly being a good friend, partner, or daughter. Now she said, “I recently hosted a bachelorette party sober!”
Why not funnel the excitement, confidence, and risks into your style choices versus your life choices? “Think of all the ridiculous things you did when you were drinking. Harley mused. “I didn’t have a rock bottom per se, but I was headed there.” These days, she would rather step out sober and express herself in the form of a bold red lip rather than feign the notion via liquid courage. A fashion statement that is a bit risky still trumps risking one’s well-being. In my opinion, no wardrobe choice can be as dangerous as the choice to get drunk and black out while out on the town.
Sober in the City
Another thought-provoking concept was that Harley utilized “social media as her primary recovery community.” Thanks to online introductions, she now attends events in Chicago through the Sober in the City movement. “I can’t praise the sober community on social media enough,” she said. I have discovered many alcohol-free events in Chicago, including places to get dressed up and go out for a mocktail.
She follows multiple sober Instagram accounts, and the content keeps her motivated. She recently traveled to Seattle to meet IRL with the founder of the Sober in the City movement. A non-profit organization that connects people with resources, community, and events nearby. (And we aren’t just talking about hiking groups. Dear Gawd.) These are events like pop-up bars, parties, luncheons, and ready-to-wear occasions where someone can see and be seen. (Sober Curator Pro Tip: We promoted and attended one of the Sober in the City events in Seattle earlier this year! Click here to read about it.)
Many people fear being left out of the party when it comes time to ditch the drink. But the younger generation is taking their power back. They are really flaunting that sobriety is stylish and, dare I say, “cool.” There is no more missing out, only joining in. And please dress to impress, because there will be photos.
No regrets. Just style and sobriety. I can get behind that, regardless of age.
Grace & Glam,
Kate
WALK YOUR TALK Because the best thing you can wear is clarity, confidence, and a killer sense of style.
WALK YOUR TALK is The Sober Curator’s style destination for those redefining what it means to live vibrantly alcohol-free. From runway-ready ensembles to effortless everyday glam, we celebrate confidence, clarity, and the joy of dressing boldly without the pre-funk or party drinks.
More than a fashion column, Walk Your Talk highlights curated finds from our #ADDTOCART section, spotlights sober-owned small businesses, and showcases unique merch that makes your alcohol-free journey unapologetically chic. We proudly partner with the Break Free Foundation, bringing sobriety’s brilliance to the runway during New York Fashion Week and beyond.
SOBER POP CULTURE at The Sober Curator is where mainstream trends meet the vibrant world of sobriety. We serve up a mix of movie, podcast, fashion, and book recommendations alongside alcohol-free cocktails, celebrity features, and pop culture buzz—all with a sober twist.
We’re here to shatter the “sobriety is boring” myth with a mash-up of 80s neon, 90s hip-hop edge, early 2000s bling, and today’s hottest trends. From celebrity shoutouts to red-carpet style inspo, this is where sober is as chic as it is fun. To the celebs using their platform for good—our Sober Pop Trucker hats are off to you!
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
