Sober Word Of The Day + Quote + Reflection From The Daily Llama For The Week of April 25 – April 29, 2022

The Daily Llama, by Sober Curator Staci DesRault, brings you short, one-word meditations and a corresponding quote plus a reflection for your complete wool-being (#seewhatwedidthere?) for Monday, April 25 – Friday, April 29, 2022.

MEDITATE ON THIS:

 Labeling entails making absolutes out of attributes. This occurs when you take an isolated event or a small characteristic and use it to define or judge either yourself or another person, usually in a negative or extreme way. For example, a friend shows up late to a coffee date, and you call them “inconsiderate.” Or you make a social faux pas, and you label yourself “a loser.” Labeling is an exaggerated generalization in which you judge an action without considering the context, so you end up not seeing yourself or others accurately. When you assign those labels to yourself, it can hurt your self-esteem and confidence, leading you to feel insecure and anxious. When you label other people, it affects how you interact with them and damages your relationships.

What labels hold you down the most? What do you think would happen in your life if you stopped using them?

The Daily Llama Fun Fact of the Day:

Today is World Malaria Day, National Zucchini Bread Day, National Telephone Day, National Lingerie Day, National Liberation Day, National Hug a Plumber Day, National Hairstylist Appreciation Day, National DNA Day, Kiss and Makeup Day, and Anzac Day.

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MEDITATE ON THIS:

When we personalize, we form the belief that we are responsible for events that are completely or partially out of our control. This cognitive distortion leads us to blame ourselves or to feel guilt without acknowledging all the variables involved. For example, your spouse gets in a car accident on the way to the grocery store, and you blame yourself for asking them to go to the store. Personalizing also means we take things, well, personally. For example, your friend is talking about their preferences for dating, and you feel attacked or judged because they are different from your preferences for dating.

Personalizing comes from being much too fused together with others. We do not seem to know where we end and others begin, or vice versa. The process of self-differentiation allows us to separate our thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of others, but without losing emotional connection to them.

What in my life have I been personalizing that is completely or partially outside of my control? What have I taken too personally?

The Daily Llama Fun Fact of the Day:

Today is Audubon Day, Get Organized Day, National Dissertation Day, National Help a Horse Day, National Pretzel Day, and Richter Scale Day.

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MEDITATE ON THIS:

Control fallacy is a type of cognitive bias where the concept of control itself is the problem. We are likely operating from a control fallacy if we believe that we have complete control over everything that happens to us or everything is dependent upon us. It can also function from the polar opposite belief that we have absolutely no control over anything that happens to us and nothing is dependent upon us.  Irving M. Copi, the author of Introduction to Logic, argues that the fallacy is “a form of reasoning that seems correct, but turns out not to be when carefully analyzed.” He further states control fallacies can be tricky to spot because while it uses “incorrect reasoning,” they tend to be “psychologically persuasive.”

Control fallacies often contribute to issues with anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of insecurities, as well as learned helplessness and fears of rejection or failure. When someone believes everything is in their control or depends on them, they tend to have extremely high expectations and demands on themselves, deeply held beliefs that everything depends on them, an overactive internal locus of control (e.g., not being able to attribute anything to external factors, being over-responsible for what happens), fear of delegating tasks or shows difficulty asking for help, and/or being an anxious person.

When someone believes that nothing is within their control or dependent upon them, they tend to demonstrate an overactive external locus of control (e.g., everything that happens is due to external circumstances), to think that little or nothing is their fault or responsibility, to experience feelings of learned helplessness, to struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem, and to hold beliefs that there is little they can do to enact change.  

The Daily Llama Fun Fact of the Day:

Today is Yom HaShoah (Jewish), National Tell a Story Day, National Prime Rib Day, National Devil Dog Day, International Guide Dog Day, Babe Ruth Day, and Administrative Professionals Day.

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MEDITATE ON THIS:

Chances are that one or both of your parents or caregivers told you when you were young that life was unfair. If not, you may have learned that life was unfair from experience. Even though we have been told or have experienced unfairness in life, we may still hold onto a deep core belief that, in spite of all the evidence, things should be fair. Holding onto this belief tends to create misery by comparing and measuring what we have with what others have. The fairness fallacy is not about invalidating real systemic oppression based on unchangeable features of one’s identity, and neither is it about giving permission to turn a blind eye to injustice. But it is about recognizing how one’s core beliefs contribute to personal suffering.

We move away from the fairness fallacy when we take responsibility for our own well-being and happiness, and reduce the amount of blame we place on others for our unhappiness.

The Daily Llama Fun Fact of the Day:

Today is Denim Day, Great Poetry Reading Day, National Blueberry Pie Day, National Bravehearts Day, National Kids and Pets Day, National Superhero Day, Stop Food Waste Day, Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, Take Our Kids to Work Day, and Workers’ Memorial Day.

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MEDITATE ON THIS:

We tend to see others more clearly than we see ourselves. Thus, it can be quite easy to develop an opinion about how someone else could or should change to be a happier person. And we may be right! However, when we believe that WE will have greater happiness IF the people in our lives change what we dislike about them, we are operating under the fallacy of change. This cognitive distortion pulls the focus away from working on our own behavior, and puts all the focus on trying to change somebody else.

We break free from this cognitive distortion when we realize that our happiness does not depend on other people or what they do, and when we focus on being responsible for our own happiness and changing our own behavior. While it feels nice when someone does what we want, it is a temporary pleasure that fades. Moreover, when we hold onto the belief that others need to change in order for us to be happy, it is highly probable we will experience some major anger and resentment from the people we have tried to force to change.

The Daily Llama Fun Fact of the Day:

Today is National Zipper Day, National Shrimp Scampi Day, National Hairball Awareness Day, National Peace Rose Day, National Arbor Day, and International Dance Day.

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Resources are available

Resources Are Available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

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