Imagine if Sex and the City’s Samantha was an addict and her drug of choice was men. Go on a hilarious, inspiring, and, at times, shocking journey as Roxanne conquers her fears, changes her ways, gets closer to healthy relationships, and embraces self-love a little more each day.
After years of working as an image-obsessed actress in Hollywood, Roxanne finds herself at rock bottom from a disease that is anything but glamorous. In her first year of recovery, Roxanne has to take accountability for her past. From tales of being mistaken for a prostitute at the Hotel Bel-Air to botching a threesome attempt with an A-list celebrity, she must face the truth about herself and stop playing the victim.
Roxanne’s odyssey of using sex and love—as destructive and beguiling as an alcoholic reaching for a bottle—is a veritable rollercoaster of ups and downs, laughter and tears, and a true testament to facing your absolute truth and conquering your fears. So take a front-row seat into this complex world of sexual addiction, love addiction, and the transformational power of releasing your shame and living a sober life.
Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict has the vibrant, relatable vibe of chick lit, the soul-baring honesty of a memoir, and the wisdom of a self-help book. In this unique roman à clef novel, Brianne Davis shares her own intimate experience with the transformational power of the twelve-steps, providing strength and hope for anyone who wants to change their life forever:
- The 12-steps of recovery are broken down to help both the addict and those who love them
- Identifying and isolating behaviors of sexual addiction and the road to sexual health recovery
- Looking inside and finding out the WHY
- Dating sober and building a community of sober women
- Love addiction, the willingness to be honest, self-care, and becoming authentic
- Practical tips and tools to enhance your life, let go of shame and embrace self-love
My #QUITLIT Review: Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, A Novel by Brianne Davis
My house is filled with stacks of books and magazines. Seriously, it’s a fire hazard, and I have so many. Stacks in the living room, my bedroom, my bathroom, and even in the hallway. Some stacks are organized by color, thanks to the global pandemic, year one, and that dumb Home Edit craze. Other stacks are organized by order of importance to read. I can’t believe I let this book sit in my pile of “read these books soonish” for as long as it did.
Don’t do what I did. Please take my advice, order this book right now, and read it as soon as it appears in your mailbox or front porch. And if you’re an Audible member, you can get to it even faster and hear it in the author’s voice! Swoon! I love listening to authors read their books. It’s the best.
10 Reasons Why I Loved This Book
To play off of the chapters in Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, I’ve decided to counter each of the suggested “rules” and name the reasons why I loved the book and fell in love with the leading lady, Roxanne.
Rule #1: The key to getting better and becoming healthy is admitting you have a problem.
I was only on page 29 when I started wondering if Roxanne and I were separated at birth. She talks and writes the way I think. Who is this magical and charming love addict, and where has she been all of my life? Between her love of Comfy sheets, botox, and being a secret slut, I was only into Chapter Two, but I already knew I was addicted to this storyline, and I needed to know more. See, look at me quickly admitting I have a problem, and I don’t want to stop reading this book. Talk about progress over perfection. I’m so good at this recovery thing.
Rule #2: Believe in your own form of GOD, not anyone else’s
While I’ve never been an actress, well, except for in a few high-school plays decades ago, one of the fun and unexpected parts of this book is the way the author, Brianne Davis, intertwines how the story is playing out in Roxanne’s head like a TV or movie script. I’ve always been a very visual reader, imagining how the story looks in my head. Davis’s relatable and quick-witted banter, combined with random injections of made-for-TV or movie scripts, makes it so easy to fall into the story as if I’m in the story as the main character.
I particularly loved how Roxanne recounts her experience attending an SLAA meeting, calling a woman off the sheet of numbers from the meeting, and asking questions about “the God thing.” It’s a very accurate recount of what I’ve experienced in my own 12-step world as the woman on the other end of the phone talking to a newcomer.
Rule #3: Walk through the fire and LET IT BURN!
If you have ever struggled with masturbating repeatedly to the point of pain, this truly is the book for you. Withdrawals suck. Whether they are from alcohol, drugs, sex, or love. If you’ve been through any detox, this book is going to be incredibly relatable.
Rule #4: To heal and move forward, look back at the WHY
In order to know where we’re headed, we have to look back on where we’ve been. The key is not to get stuck looking back because that’s not the direction you’re going. Although my childhood was different than Roxanne’s, I enjoyed and still related to the process of dealing with childhood issues and working them out with a therapist. Davis nails what it’s like to process so many emotions in the first year of recovery.
One of my sponsors from early recovery used to tell me I was a caterpillar, which I assumed was because I was chubby and not too particular about what I ate. She was trying to get me to relate to caterpillar metamorphosis. How the work needs to be done on the inside, and during that time, you pretty much look like a turd on the outside. Eventually, I would spread my wings and come into my true self. Davis also uses the caterpillar & butterfly analogy in this chapter, which brought me more comfort than I can put into words.
Rule #5: ADULT UP – Admit your mistakes
This chapter has Roxanne really digging into her 12-step work and taking a good hard look at her character defeats. And guess what? Just like me, Roxanne was a diet coke-drinking thief who was self-centered to the extreme. Want to know what I love more than listening to people share the stories of their rock bottom? Tell me how you pulled yourself up and out of that rock bottom. That’s the shit that gets me dizzy with joy. Davis does a phenomenal job walking us through Roxanne’s SLAA 12-step process.
Rule #6: Compare and despair – Stop questioning your worth
There are a million reasons to love this book, but one is the hilarious nicknames Davis gives to various people who come into and out of Roxanne’s life. Secretly, I’m hoping Davis will give me a nickname like EmeraldCity or IG Hacker Survivor, but I’m also okay with The Sober Curator. LOL. I imagined we’d play Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict Bingo on the IG Live we were going to have before @thesobercuartor IG was hacked a few weeks back.
Rule #7: Let go of the people and things that trigger the SHIT out of you
After reading this chapter, I had to slide into @thebriannedavis DM’s on IG and begged her to be my new best friend. I don’t want to give anything away. Still, Roxanne and I share an experience in common (minus the famous SuperStar). I howled laughter to the point of tears, realizing I was not alone in certain life experiences. This chapter is really about setbacks and how to dust yourself off and keep moving forward after they happen. (Because they will happen. Progress, not perfection yo!)
Rule #8: Be honest – Secrets keep you sick
In 12-step rooms in church basements across the country, it’s mentioned time and time again that “you’re only as sick as your secrets” or “secrets keep you sick.” No more actual words have been spoken. However, as Roxanne works through her process with around a year of sobriety under her belt, she also learns how to hold her tongue and not say everything that is on her mind. This, my dear reader, is one of my personal biggest lessons in recovery. To keep my mutha-fuckin’ mouth shut sometimes is the right thing to do.
Rule #9: Help others without expecting anything in return
It works if you work it, and we’re all worth it. Want to know what I love even more than reading or hearing about how someone pulls themselves up and out of their rock bottom? When they learn that the magic, the secret sauce, to keep it is to give it away by serving others. Roxanne’s experiences drive that home and show that being of service to others helps her sobriety, even when the people she’s trying to help change their minds or back out. That’s the thing – the people you help may not get it, but helping them will keep you sober.
Rule #10: We all die alone – Love yourself first
At the end of this book, I realized I lacked in loving myself first. That I needed a re-boot on the self-care plan of action. Although my sex and love addiction has been mostly in check for many years now (primarily due to the fact I stopped dating), this book helped me realize there’s always more work to do. Self-love and self-care should be a priority regularly in my recovery. And, just like Roxanne, it’s ok to laugh at myself along the journey.
The Sobees #QUITLIT Book Review Score: 4.5 out of 5
Videos Brianne Davis
And just because, here is a curated list of songs with the name Roxanne that you didn’t know you needed in your life
#QUITLIT: Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. #QUITLIT is our curated list of addiction and recovery book reviews. From addiction and recovery memoirs to fiction and self-help, we believe all Sober Curators should be well-read. You can also find us on Goodreads here.
What’s on your nightstand? We want to hear about what you’re reading right now and the addiction and recovery books you can’t live without. Email us at thesobercurator@gmail.com
Resources Are Available
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