Celebrating 15 Years In Recovery & Throwing Myself My Own Quinceañera

The first time I had a drink to get drunk was when I was about 10 years old. My parents ordered me a pizza, I had a pitcher of Kool-Aid and full control of the remote control. It had been a hard week of being teased and bullied and like the adults, I wanted to unwind and enjoy the weekend. 

Once alone I poured myself a drink, poured a bit of rum, and sat down to watch The Love boat with a slice of pepperoni pizza. I felt so grown-up, dealing with my problems with a drink. The only thing I discovered after several drinks are that you get a horrible hang-over in the morning. 

I do not know if my parents ever found out, but I remembered when I was 17 how good it felt to be drunk. So, I had my second drinking night to forget the problems that the world was throwing my way. 

Since I was young, I wanted to have a Quinceañera. The closets I had gotten to it was being part of the escort for many of my girlfriends that did have one. I wanted folks to fuss over me, to be the center of the dance, and to wear a fancy suit or a pretty dress. 

I was diagnosed with HIV in September 2000 and would be celebrating my 15^th anniversary in September 2015. That year was also when I was diagnosed with anal cancer. I was not up to getting a party together, so I celebrated with a cake and friends at a buffet restaurant I liked. 

On June 21, 2007, I went to rehab for alcohol and drugs. What could have been the worst time turned out to be the best summer of my life. I was at Bay Area Recovery Center in Dickinson, Texas for 32 days. I stayed two more days because I didn’t want to leave on a Wednesday and waited until Friday. 

I say with pride that rehab is where I grew up, where I became a man, and where I found out who I wanted to be in this world. What I wanted to put into the stream of life, the kind of friend I wanted to be, and for once do something good for myself.

I wanted my family to see me doing well, have a goal, and be proud of me. I took to sobriety, I did well not drinking, not doing drugs, and I even quit smoking. But there would still be challenges, not everything was pretty, and some miracles took time to manifest. 

I wanted to put on a dress, and a wig, and get some photos taken. It was not possible that year, but the idea stayed in my head. I would have to wait for the next time I would celebrate my 15^th anniversary. When I thought about my 15^th Recovery birthday, I knew this was my chance!

I had a wig from an event years before, I bought a dress and a tiara. I wanted photos and called a friend that knew me well to take them. A celebration would have to wait but I wanted to celebrate the day by me getting dressed up. I was going to have my Quinceañera!

Close to 100 photos were taken. By a fountain, on a bench, and even in an alley. All were very well taken but they didn’t, in my mind, reflect my journey in Recovery. Until towards the end of the shoot I sat on a stairway. The steps were dirty and seems a bit confined. That was my life in Recovery!

The stairs represent the steps, my boots represent Texas, where I got clean & sober, and my sitting at the bottom of the steps represents the start of my journey. I wore a pretty blush dress, a long wing, and a tiara to represent the beauty that Recovery has brought to my life. 

Now I didn’t do this alone. I must thank my Sponsors, my family & friends, and my partner, Christian. The folks that have come and gone, the folks that gave me a chance, and the ones that didn’t. I am grateful for the wins, the losses, and the miracles that have not happened. I have learned from the laughter, and the tears, and lived through pain. 

On June 21, 2022, I had my Quinceañera photo shoot. I felt pretty, confident, and powerful. 

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