Yoga is more than poses.
The word yoga means “to yoke.” In this case, we’re trying to yoke our own little souls to a cosmic consciousness. Yoga includes a whole body of philosophy, spiritual theory and ideas of how to live clear-headed, peaceful lives. This column goes beyond the physical practice of yoga for a peek into yoga philosophy and how it pertains to sobriety. We’ll start with understanding a series of ethical restraints called the yamas. These yamas improve our characters and personalities, making it easier for people to live with us.
The first of the five yamas (look for four more in upcoming months) is called ahimsa. “Himsa” is Sanskrit for “to injure or harm,” and the prefix “a” means without. So, this yama is about harming others as little as possible. It’s often translated as nonviolence or to do no harm.
Many people in recovery have a history of inflicting violence on others. And by consuming quantities of toxic substances, we were all violent to our bodies, minds, and lives. Take a moment (not too long, we’re not trying to wallow in self-hate here) and think back to your using days. Maybe they included bar brawls, assaults, and domestic disputes. While living in New Orleans, I had an angry phase where I’d walk around at night with a knife up each sleeve, just waiting for somebody to fuck with me. Fortunately, the knives never came out of my sleeves for a confrontation—I would have been more likely to stumble and impale myself than to win a knife fight. But I well remember that feeling of rage and looking for a place where it could land.
Or maybe you were a peaceful drunk, who never harmed anybody. Except your liver. And the people who cared about you and spent countless hours fretting about how they could help what seemed like a lost cause.
Now that we’re sober, the acts of violence have hopefully decreased.
Maybe we’ve developed a useful spiritual program or at least have some sober friends to talk us down when we get hot-headed. But those urges to pop somebody in the face when they mock us or cut us off on the highway or make us wait on hold for an hour will surely still arise. If we want to live happy lives, we absolutely have to learn to ride out those feelings without acting on them and without letting them fester.
I’ve spent many years as both a sober person and a yoga teacher—identities people might think would make one highly peaceable—and have concluded that violent impulses are natural. Things trigger us. We want to attack. The trick is to acknowledge our urges and neutralize them enough not to act in ways we’ll regret, rather than going on instinct. (I’m talking about everyday life here, when people piss you off. If you’re in true physical danger, go ahead and attack.) Follow the classic advice to count to ten before acting. Table a discussion until you’re less emotional. Don’t hit “send” on that email. Know thyself and watch out for your triggers. Take preventative actions. For example, I try to quickly wash any sharp knife and put it in the drawer where it won’t tempt me.
Once you overcome your brute urges to pummel, you can start to refine your ahimsa practice. Mathatma Gandhi, that paragon of nonviolence, had a lot to say about the nuances of ahimsa. “Ahimsa does not simply mean non-killing,” he said. “Ahimsa means not to injure any creature by thought, word or deed. True ahimsa should mean a complete freedom from ill-will and anger and hate and an overflowing love for all.”
Uh oh. How overflowing is your love? How free are you from ill will?
Often, it’s the people we’re closest to who most suffer from our himsa. Like your partner who does irksome things that we’ve asked them one gazillion times not to do. Are they even trainable? Or the family member or friend who tells you the same sad story until you want to scream, but never takes any steps to change.
And then there’s us. We are often the target of our most rageful feelings. What is that little voice saying in your head? If you catch yourself thinking you’re bad, ugly, stupid and generally not good enough– well, aren’t you injuring yourself by thought?
We are hopelessly human creatures who must start where we are. If you’re just beginning to work on ahimsa, you can think of it as a three-step process of deed, word and thought. First, you learn to stop running bad drivers off the road. Second, you refrain from giving them the finger and yelling, “Stay off the road, you moron!” And third, you keep your distance from that sucky driver while you serenely cruise on to your chosen destination. Now you’re on the road to perfecting ahimsa.
About Teresa Bergen
Teresa Bergen had the great good fortune to quit drinking very young and has enjoyed long-term sobriety. She lives in Portland, Oregon but travels all over the world as a travel writer. She also works in the oral history field, helping to document and preserve history.
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