Here is a recap of Dating Tips that were discussed in the SOBER POP Tips Room on the Clubhouse App. For many people in recovery, especially early recovery, the idea of dating sober can be overwhelming and daunting. How do you navigate dating without liquid courage? Here are 10 Tips we discussed as a way to navigate the dating world single and sober.
10 Useful Tips on Dating in Sobriety
1. Plan first meet-ups earlier in the day. We’ve found that ordering an iced tea isn’t really a question if it’s pre-dinner time. You can always say, “Oh, I have an early day tomorrow.” It is a way to get to know someone without spending 45 minutes explaining sobriety.
2. Theater! Sober dates are a great way to experience live concerts or Broadway shows. It may be useful to let your date know ahead of time that you plan on being entertained booze-free.
3. Find first-date spots that are comfortable for you. Find places with mocktails or arrive early, let the bartender know you are a non-drinker, and just have a club soda with lime. Request it be in a cocktail glass if that will make you feel more comfortable. Keep the first date short. If things are going well, you can either extend the date or make plans for a second date soon!
4. Avoid church basements. As easy as it may seem to meet potential partners at AA meetings or at other sober events, this is usually referred to as ’13th stepping’ and actually makes attending meetings and events uncomfortable. These are spaces to recover, not be on the prowl.
5. Get active! Have Fun! Plan great sober dates and activities like putt-putt golf, bowling, going to museums, and many other non-alcoholic activities. Outdoor activities are also a great way to get those daily steps in. Feeling artsy? Paint your own pottery!
Don’t Be Shy About Your Recovery
6. Be “Out Loud” about your sobriety. If you are comfortable with it, put it in your dating profile. If texting, we recommend chatting a bit and then letting the other person know when the timing feels right.
7. Consider setting your dating profile settings and search to ‘never drinks.’ Our field research has revealed that many people are not honest about the number of drinks they have per week.
8. Know your triggers – many who have recently ventured back out to sober dating have complained of drinkers with ‘alcohol breath’, which made kissing or close talking a trigger-fest.
9. Pre-date ritual: have your friends build you up. Close friends can help boost your self-confidence and remind you of new dating goals. No potential partner is worth compromising your sobriety. Put you first.
10. Have a year of recovery first. This is not a requirement but a popular suggestion for early recovery folk. Your brain is healing, and you are becoming a new you. There’s a lot of healing to be done, and there’s something to say about falling in love with your new self before falling for another. Plus, the type of person you’re attracted to in early sobriety often will change as you move through your recovery journey.
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
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