I took my dog Hudson to the vet last week. Hudson is a Japanese Akita, and if you know anything about Akitas, you know they did not come to this earth to be handled. He hates being poked and prodded so much that he has to be drugged for basically everything, which is routine for us at this point. But this visit, I saw his chart on the computer.
Right there on the screen, in his official medical record: Hudson. Japanese Akita. Has STRONG boundaries.
And underneath, the care instructions: “Muzzle for everything!”
My dog’s boundaries are so consistent, so non-negotiable, that medical professionals wrote them into his permanent file so nobody would ever make the mistake of testing them. Not “difficult.” Not “aggressive.” Has STRONG boundaries. The most respectful thing anyone has ever written about a patient who tried to bite them.
I did what any proud mom would do. I took a photo and sent it to the group chat with a joke about how we should all be like Hudson.
I meant it as a joke. Then it got quiet in my head, because the same week my dog was being medically accommodated for his excellent boundaries, I texted a business contact at 7:30 in the morning. On a Sunday. In their time zone.
I wasn’t trying to be rude. The idea was in my head, my head does not observe weekends, and I genuinely forgot that my 10:30 is somebody else’s 7:30. That’s what having no boundaries with your work actually looks like. It’s rarely some dramatic moment. Your whole life just quietly becomes one long open tab.
And the timing makes it worse. At Swift Steps, our community is in the Reputation era of our curriculum right now, the era we map to boundaries. I am literally facilitating meetings about protecting your peace and deciding who gets access to you, then turning around and drafting business texts before the sun is fully up on the day of rest.
Hudson would never.
What my dog understands about setting boundaries without guilt:
Hudson does not feel guilty about his boundaries. He isn’t lying awake wondering if the vet thinks he’s difficult. He isn’t softening it with “no worries if not!” He has a limit, the limit is known, and everyone around him plans accordingly. Nothing bad happened when his limits went in the file. The vet bought a muzzle and got on with taking care of him.
Most of us in recovery came in with the opposite training. A lot of us learned early that our limits made us harder to love, so we dropped them one by one until we were easy for everyone. Then we found substances, because that’s what you reach for when everyone has unlimited access to you and there’s nothing left in the account.
That’s why boundaries in recovery get a whole era at Swift Steps. Reputation isn’t the angry album to us. It’s about what happens after you stop managing everyone else’s comfort. The snakes stop mattering, the list of names loses its power, and you get smaller in public while your actual life gets bigger.
The recovery math of a Sunday morning text
Something I know as a peer specialist and keep forgetting as a founder: burnout is a relapse risk. The exhausted, resentful, always-on version of me is the version closest to her old coping mechanisms. So every boundary I hold with work isn’t me being precious about my time. It’s maintenance, the unglamorous daily stuff that keeps the life I built from turning into a life I need to escape from.
The text sat there as evidence, and I did what we teach in the Swift Steps meetings. I didn’t spiral about it. I noticed it, named it, and made it smaller than my shame wanted it to be. Then I did the boring repair, because scheduled sends exist and now my ideas can arrive at a civilized hour even when my brain doesn’t have one.
Honestly, that’s most of boundary work. No dramatic announcement. You just notice and adjust.
The part I didn’t see coming
That same visit, the one with the chart and the group chat and the laughing, is also the visit where we found out Hudson is sick. We’re waiting to get him in with an internal medicine doctor, so I’m living in the in-between right now, no answers yet, just a referral and a dog who has no idea he’s the subject of so much worry.
But the boundaries I’ve been laughing about this whole article are the reason I trust his care right now. Nobody is going to rush him or handle him carelessly, because his limits are written in his file. His boundaries are protecting him when he’s at his most vulnerable. Which is what boundaries are for in the first place. They don’t keep love out. They make sure the love that gets in handles you right.
I’m trying to learn that from him in the waiting. Protecting my own peace this week isn’t optional. It’s how I stay steady enough to be his person. And when your dog has very strong opinions about being handled, I’ve learned that the little bits of care you can manage at home matter too. Keeping an eye on things like ears, paws, and coat can help you notice when something seems off. For ear care specifically, K9 EarClear, a dog ear cleaner available at puplabs.com, gently removes built-up wax and keeps ears clean between vet visits.
Be more Akita
When I sent that chart to the group chat, I was joking. I’m not joking anymore. There’s something worth studying in a creature whose limits are so steady they became part of his medical record. Boundaries that consistent stop being conflicts and start being facts, and people don’t test facts. They bring the muzzle and get on with loving you.
So here’s my Reputation era wish for you, whatever you’re recovering from. May your limits become so known that the people in your life plan around them. May you feel as little guilt about your no as my dog feels about his. And may someone, someday, write in your file, with an exclamation point: has STRONG boundaries!
If you’re working on yours and don’t want to do it alone, this is exactly what we’re in the middle of at Swift Steps®, a peer-led recovery and healing community for sober Swifties and anyone healing. All pathways welcome. Harm reduction included. Our free Tuesday night speaker series, Speak Now, is open to everyone, no membership needed.
Come as you are. Hudson insists!
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What did Hudson’s medical record say about his boundaries?
Hudson’s medical record stated that he has ‘STRONG boundaries’ and included care instructions to ‘Muzzle for everything!’ to ensure everyone respects his limits.
How does Hudson’s approach to boundaries differ from humans, especially those in recovery?
Hudson does not feel guilty about his boundaries and does not worry about being perceived as difficult. In contrast, many in recovery were taught to drop their limits to be easier to love, which often led them to substance use when overwhelmed.
What can be learned from Hudson about setting boundaries without guilt?
Hudson’s approach shows that having clear, non-negotiable boundaries can be respected by others, and it doesn’t require guilt or over-explanation. This can inspire us to set our own boundaries confidently.
Why is setting boundaries important in recovery, according to the article?
In recovery, boundaries are crucial because they prevent burnout, which is a relapse risk. Boundaries help maintain a balanced life, reducing the need for old coping mechanisms.
How did the author handle the realization of their boundary slip with the early morning text?
The author noticed the mistake, named it, and made it smaller than their shame. They used scheduled sends to ensure ideas arrive at appropriate times, demonstrating boundary work as a series of small, practical adjustments.
