Last month, I had the pleasure of attending a preview of a play called Shower Chair before Ben Fallaci and his producers took it to the Edinburgh Fringe. The play is an autobiographical performance that charts the protagonist’s coming of age in Cape Cod and the influence that substances and problematic friendships had on his journey. I was lucky enough to interview Ben about the play, his artistic process, and his sobriety. Read on to find out about Ben’s experience of being sober in London (hint: it’s not always easy), what it’s like to get naked on stage, and his advice for his former self.
Eve: Can you tell us about your background and how growing up in Cape Cod influenced your storytelling?
Ben: Growing up in a place like the Cape shaped me as a person. There’s a noticeable change between seasons, and I wanted to write about the “on season”—the time of year when all the businesses and tourists start to flood in. The off-season is very quiet, so the excitement of the busy time of year, when my town triples in population, made me want to grab all the opportunities I could. I always tried to squeeze out as much fun as possible. I had to go big. But with that comes its own issues. Any place that’s a hotspot for vacationers is going to be known for partying, too, and with that comes a huge problem with alcohol, drugs, and overdoses. I wanted that to be clear in the narrative.
Eve: What inspired you to create “Shower Chair”? Was there a specific moment or event that prompted you to share your story?
Ben: What really inspired and motivated me was my injury. When you take something too far, you have to do the work to claw your way back up. Writing and performing Shower Chair has been that work. I was in a really bad spot and needed to get out; the injury was the final straw. I had been toying with the idea of giving up drinking for a couple of years, and breaking my ankle was the pivotal moment that made me take the chance.
Eve: How has the audience reacted to your performances so far? Have there been any surprising or particularly memorable responses?
Ben: The response so far has been great. I’ve been getting really nice feedback. It’s really special when you share something personal and don’t know what the reaction will be, and then you get overwhelmingly positive responses. The show has changed since the first iteration, and people have loved the new elements: the music I’ve added and the costume changes.
I had a Scottish girl who just happened to see the Fringe show last year on a whim come up to me and give me a really heartfelt hug. She told me that her mom had just stopped drinking and was rooting for us. It’s been a really connective experience.
Eve: How do you mentally and emotionally prepare yourself before performing for such a vulnerable performance?
Ben: I go through it once a day and try to visualize myself performing. I trust that it’s going to come out how it needs to come out, and I trust that my higher power will help me deliver the show exactly how I need to. We’ve done a lot of rehearsing and talking about the show, which is really helping us prepare for the Edinburgh Fringe.
Eve: What’s the experience of getting naked on stage like?
Ben: It’s very, very powerful. I’ve done the performance in a couple of small venues, and that’s when I can tell I have the audience’s full attention. Everyone makes eye contact because they don’t want to be the one person who’s looking down. And that’s a really striking feeling to have, feeling that not only are people’s eyes on me but they’re locked. It’s quite an addicting feeling.
Eve: Can you tell us about your sobriety and recovery journey?
Ben: It’s really just characterized by positive change. It’s like almost reaching enlightenment, you know? Just reaching this state where you’re taking something out of your life that’s really not good for you and then watching everything get so much better. It ripples out into every aspect of your life. When I stopped drinking, I stopped going out with my friends who still wanted to party, and I focused on “doing the work.” I was using my time to do the things I wanted to do, prioritizing self-improvement. Creating Shower Chair has been a big part of that.
Eve: Do you see any intersection between being queer and substance abuse? Does it differ in the community?
Ben: I mean, totally. What I’m hoping is that a lot of queer people in the audience will relate to Shower Chair because I think that’s an unfortunate pattern that a lot of people have to go through. Not feeling comfortable in their own skin, and using substances to feel comfortable, then, you know, just going on that slippery road. We are so young when we’re figuring out our sexuality and trying to feel comfortable and confident, and in my case, that went hand in hand with drinking too much.
Eve: You’re an American who recently moved to London. What’s the difference in drinking culture like across the pond?
Ben: There’s such a big difference. I have to say, it’s not been easy to stay sober over the last six months here. The English just drink so much more. I also find the attitude different – it’s not a big deal if people are messy and slip up when drunk here. People laugh it off. Even the older people here are laughing about blacking out and talking about doing drugs. Making jokes about being alcoholics, even. Honestly, it’s like a dream for the drinking version of me. I’m so glad that I got sober before I got here.
Eve: Yeah, that sounds about right. It’s definitely a good thing you got sober before coming here! I have one more question for you. If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?
Ben: My advice would be, “Listen to my advice earlier! Embrace change, and don’t be afraid of something new because that something can be really, really good.”
COMING OUT SOBER: Shower Chair Takes the Edinburgh Fringe 2024 | The Sober Curator
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