This year, I signed myself up to be certified as an Alcohol-Free Life Coach, Success, and Mindset Coach, leading me down memory lane to July 2020. At that time, Tony Robbins made history during the pandemic and found a way to host more people in a virtual setting than was thought possible. I was quarantining and thrilled to have the virtual experience option to chop through wood with my bare hands and dance with thousands worldwide. It was my first exposure to his 6 Human Needs.
This year, my certification took a very specific stance on this and helped us see how strong the messaging is in our society that alcohol is the perfect solution to the first 4 Human Needs. This resonated with me, and I wanted to share it with the world and give you a bit of journal exercise to help you tune in and find out how genius this work is from both Tony Robbins and my coach Karolina (you should check out her Empowered AF Coaching Certification because I have learned so much.)
6 Core Human Needs 101
What are the six human needs, according to Tony Robbins?
- Certainty: We need to feel safe, and this looks like you can avoid pain and find pleasure. Many moms think they find this by winding down with a glass of wine, postponing their stress for tomorrow, and feeling an immediate buzz.
- Uncertainty/Variety: conversely, we have a need for the unknown, change, new stimuli, and adventure, and for many, this looks like travel or drinking, so you ‘don’t know’ where the night will take you.
- Significance: we love to think we are unique, important, special, or needed in our family, relationships, and workplace. I used to think drinking fine wine made me more important.
- Connection/Love: we need a strong feeling of closeness or union with others, nature, or a higher power. Wine drinking sells this illusion of ‘deep conversation’ and connection with our friends or partners, but how clearly do we remember this ‘connection’ while intoxicated?
- Growth: what doesn’t grow stays stagnant or atrophies – we need expansion of skills, understanding, and abilities in life. Drinking events are often called ‘team building’ and a great way to grow our network – but there are so many other ways to grow! This also applies to our physical strength; if we are not getting stronger, we need to do enough, at least, to maintain our muscle mass. Otherwise, we are slowly getting weaker.
- Contribution: we all need a purpose or a sense of being of service. When we focus on helping, giving to, and supporting others, we feel a sense of purpose and belonging to the tribe.
Does any of this sound familiar to you and your relationship with addiction? If so, here is a great way to unlock your emotional wellness strategy by clearly stating which needs are most relevant to you and what your SWAP is to feed that need that excites and delights you.
Karolina’s program inspires this exercise:
So first, which of the first four human needs are most relevant for you or were most relevant to your relationship to alcohol (or other addiction) – which need was it FEEDING the most?
Me personally?
Alcohol made me feel connected and loved. I bought into the whole ‘creates intimacy’ in relationship BS, which seems hilarious to me now. Wine with my partner so rarely led to deeper intimacy, and the times that it did, I couldn’t remember what our deeper connection was established on…so yeah, it’s not very helpful.
My identity as a fun party girl, leader of the pack, go-getter, and risk-taker, and the friendships it resulted in had as much to do with the drink, if not more so, than with actually just me and who I am.
Alcohol gave me the confidence to make connections, make friends, put myself out there, and hit on the hottie. Were they real connections? Hardly ever.
It certainly stunted my spiritual connection to anyone, anything, and myself.
Ok, great, so now that you have that – what is your SWAP? What will you double down on to fill that healthy emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual need?
Me personally?
As a mother, wife, and coach, my relationships keep me going, give me purpose, and are the most relevant to me as a person and coach. So, I would have to say that the Connection/Love need is met for me in this way now. Sober, nurturing my relationship with spirituality and the cosmic realms is easy. I’m excited about what the future brings in terms of connections across the board and enjoying the deeper self-love I have been able to establish in sobriety.
Now ask yourself: Which growth and Contribution do you want to develop more in your life?
Me personally?
I am always working to develop both Growth and Contribution. Still, if I had to pick one, I would pick Contribution because I have been focusing on my growth for the last decade. I am now ready and excited to scale my Contribution and help so many other women grow, expand their realities, and make a massive impact on this world! Let’s goooooooooo!
(Ready to feel Successful, Holistically, Inside and Out? Let’s chat.)
Tony Robbins: The 6 Core Human Needs
WELLNESS AS A WAY OF LIFE WITH MEGAN SWAN: Megan Swan is a Wellness Coach and Consultant who works with female founders, leaders, and modern companies to thread strategic wellness practices into their existing routines and company culture. Doing so enables more sustainable energy, the ability to take action, and the confidence to achieve their goals without burnout.
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
