There is a moment at almost every party, wedding, work event or dinner that can be more awkward than the rest.
It happens right after you walk in.
You haven’t found the person you came to see yet. You’re not part of a conversation. Everyone seems to be holding a drink, and someone is already asking what they can get you.
If you’re not drinking alcohol, this is often when a very simple decision suddenly feels like it requires an explanation.
“Do you want a beer?”
“No thanks.”
“Wine?”
“I’m good.”
“Are you sure?”
Now you’re standing in the kitchen talking about why you’re not drinking when all you really wanted was something cold in your hand.
We spend a lot of time talking about what non-alcoholic drinks taste like and not nearly enough time talking about what those drinks actually do for us socially.
Sometimes the most important job of a drink is simply getting you through the first ten minutes.
Get Something in Your Hand
This sounds almost too simple to matter.
It matters.
When you walk into a social situation where everyone is drinking, make getting a drink one of your first moves.
Not necessarily a great drink.
Not the most interesting zero-proof cocktail in the room.
Just something you’re happy to hold.
An NA beer works. So does tonic with lime, sparkling water, ginger beer, a canned spritz or whatever else is available.
Once you have something in your hand, an amazing number of small social problems disappear.
People stop offering you drinks.
You stop wondering what you’re going to order.
And instead of thinking about the fact that you’re not drinking alcohol, you can start doing what you actually came there to do.
Talk to people.
You Don’t Owe Everyone Your Story
One of the strange things about not drinking is how quickly a beverage choice can turn into a personal question.
Sometimes “No thanks, I’m not drinking tonight” is accepted without another word.
Sometimes it produces:
“Why not?”
There are plenty of reasons someone might not drink. They may be sober. They may be driving. They may be taking medication. They may be pregnant. They may have an early morning. They may be trying to drink less.
Or they may simply not feel like drinking.
All are sufficient reasons.
You can tell someone as much or as little as you want.
“I’m good with this” is a complete answer.
So is “I’m not drinking tonight.”
You don’t need a better excuse.
Order Before the Group Does
Bars and restaurants create a slightly different version of the same problem.
Everyone sits down. The server asks about drinks. Someone orders a bottle of wine for the table.
Then it gets to you.
This is where knowing what you want before the server arrives can make the whole interaction easier.
Look at the menu.
If there’s an NA beer you like, order it.
If there’s a zero-proof cocktail that sounds good, try it.
If nothing appeals to you, tonic and lime, ginger beer, soda water or another simple option works just fine.
The goal isn’t to win the evening with your drink order.
The goal is to order something you’ll enjoy and move on.
I’ve written before about what to order at a bar when you’re not drinking, and I keep coming back to the same idea: having a few default orders makes social drinking situations dramatically easier.
You don’t have to study the menu every time.
You already have a Plan B.
Weddings Are Their Own Category
Weddings can be especially strange when you’re not drinking.
They’re long.
There are multiple drinking occasions built into the same event.
Cocktail hour. Dinner. Toasts. Dancing. The bar.
And because everyone is celebrating, drinks tend to appear without anyone asking whether you want one.
The easiest approach is to establish your drink early.
If the bartender has a decent NA option, great. If not, find the thing that works and stick with it.
This is also one of those situations where bringing something yourself can be perfectly reasonable if the venue allows it.
We’ve become much better at accommodating different diets at weddings. Nobody thinks twice about asking whether there’s a vegetarian meal.
Wanting something besides alcohol or soda shouldn’t be much more complicated.
The Best NA Drink Isn’t Always the Most Convincing One
There is a temptation to think that the solution to every social situation is finding an alcohol-free drink that looks and tastes exactly like the alcoholic version.
Sometimes that’s exactly what you want.
Sometimes it isn’t.
If everyone is drinking beer at a barbecue, a cold NA beer can fit beautifully.
At dinner, an alcohol-free wine might make sense.
But there is nothing wrong with deciding that what you actually want is a really good ginger beer over ice.
I’ve become much less interested in whether a drink can fool someone into believing it contains alcohol and much more interested in whether I actually want to drink it.
That’s the difference between drinking an imitation because you think you’re supposed to and finding something you genuinely enjoy.
Don’t Spend the Night Monitoring Everyone Else’s Drinking
This one is easy to fall into.
You arrive sober and suddenly become extremely aware of how much everyone else is drinking.
Someone is on their third glass of wine.
Someone else is ordering shots.
The person who was very funny an hour ago is now repeating the same story.
You notice all of it.
But unless someone’s safety is involved, you don’t need to keep score.
They’re having their night.
You’re having yours.
One of the nicest things about getting comfortable with not drinking is eventually realizing that you don’t need everyone else to make the same decision.
You can drink an NA beer while your friend drinks an IPA.
You can order sparkling water while the table orders wine.
You can toast with whatever is in your glass.
The evening doesn’t need everyone to be drinking the same thing to work.
Have an Exit Plan
Not every event gets better as the night goes on.
Sometimes you’ve had enough.
The conversations get louder. The music gets louder. People start ordering another round when you were mentally ready to leave 45 minutes ago.
Go home.
You don’t need to wait until the bar closes to prove you had a good time.
You can have a great dinner, talk to people you wanted to see, stay for a couple of hours and leave.
A social event isn’t a test of endurance.
And if you’re driving, you may even become everyone’s favorite person around 11 p.m.
There’s also something nice about getting home, changing into comfortable clothes and having a non-alcoholic nightcap without feeling like the night needs one more stop.
Bring Something You Actually Like
If you’re going to someone’s house, you have more control.
Use it.
Bring something you know you enjoy.
That doesn’t mean arriving with an elaborate alcohol-free bar setup. A four-pack of NA beer, a bottle of something sparkling or a few cans you like can be enough.
Put it in the cooler.
Open one.
Offer one to somebody else if they want it.
That’s it.
The less ceremonial we make alcohol-free drinking, the more normal it becomes.
The First 10 Minutes Eventually Become Just 10 Minutes
The interesting thing is that this gets easier.
You learn your default orders.
You figure out which NA beers you like.
You stop feeling obligated to explain yourself.
You discover that most people care far less about what’s in your glass than you thought they did.
And you start paying attention to the things that actually determine whether you enjoy yourself.
Do I like these people?
Is the food good?
Is the music too loud?
Am I having fun?
Do I want to stay?
Those are much better questions than wondering whether everyone noticed you ordered the alcohol-free beer.
A good non-alcoholic drink can help because it gives you something enjoyable to participate with.
But eventually the drink becomes what it should have been all along.
Just a drink.
And those first ten minutes?
They’re just the beginning of the night.
John Lisbonn is the Founder and Editor of AFSips.com, a practical guide to non-alcoholic drinks for adults. He writes about NA beer, alcohol-free wine, zero-proof spirits and cocktails, and the everyday situations that come with drinking less.
Welcome to HAPPY EVERY HOUR, your go-to hub for all things NA (non-alcoholic). We review alcohol-free beers, ciders, wines, spirits, RTDs (ready-to-drink), and share NA cocktail recipes that taste just as good—if not better—than the boozy originals. Whether you’re sober, sober-curious, or just taking a break, this is where great taste meets zero proof.
TRIGGER WARNING: People in early sobriety may want to proceed with caution. Always read labels. Please hydrate responsibly … #becausedrunkneverlooksgood.
🛍️ Submit a Product for Review NA beverages, sober-friendly tools, alcohol-free brands, and products built for the way our audience actually lives. Submit your product →
SOBER EVENTS at The Sober Curator keeps you in the loop on alcohol-free gatherings happening nationwide. From sober comedy shows and non-alcoholic tastings to festivals, retreats, and sporting events, we highlight vibrant, community-driven experiences from coast to coast. Our goal? To keep you entertained, inspired, and connected—no matter where you live. Need more sober time than one event? We’ve got your back with our Sober Retreat Calendar.
📅 Submit a Sober Event: NA tastings, sober socials, recovery conferences, fitness meetups, alcohol-free festivals, virtual gatherings, and events of all kinds. Anything that gives our readers something worth showing up for. Submit your event →
🏝️ Submit a Sober Retreat Recovery-focused, wellness, spiritual, creative, and adventure retreats. Listings start free. Featured and Sponsored placements available for retreats that want full editorial coverage. Submit your retreat →
We know you’re a skimmer. We wrote a newsletter for skimmers.
Short intros. Quick hits. Headlines that tell you exactly what you’re getting. Read it in the school pickup line, on the treadmill, or while pretending to listen on a conference call.
The Sober Sip: three times a week, zero fluff.
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
