Close Menu
The Sober CuratorThe Sober Curator
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • ❤️ CONTENT
    • ⭐ BECOME A CONTRIBUTOR
    • CONTRIBUTOR DIRECTORY
    • DEAR READERS✏️
    • MEET THE SOBER CURATOR
    • 📰 PRESS 📺
    • THE SOBEES 🐝
    • CONTACT 📧
  • HAPPY EVERY HOUR
    • NA BEERS AND CIDERS 🍺
    • NON-ALCOHOLIC WINES 🍾
    • NON-ALCOHOLIC SPIRITS 🍸
    • READY TO DRINK 🥤
    • BEHIND THE BAR 🍋‍🟩
    • NA TASTING EVENTS CALENDAR 🗓️
  • HEALTH & WELLNESS
    • BREAK FREE
    • CODEPENDENCY
    • MASTERING MENTAL FITNESS 🧠💪🏼
    • MENTAL HEALTH 🧠
    • RELATIONSHIPS 🤟🏽
    • SOBER NOT SUBTLE
    • SOBER POETRY 🖋️
    • SPEAK OUT! SPEAK LOUD! 🗣️
    • SPIRITUAL SUBSTANCE 🧬
    • WELLNESS AS A WAY OF LIFE
    • YOU’VE BEEN SELECTED
  • LIFESTYLE
    • #ADDTOCART 🛍️
    • ASK MRS. (W)RIGHT ⁉️
    • COMING OUT SOBER 🏳️‍🌈
    • 🏆 CONTENT
    • ✂️CURATED CRAFTS🎨
    • FASHION 👠
    • SHOP 🛒
    • SOBER SPOTLIGHT 🔦
    • SOBER CONTENT CREATION 💻
    • SOBER UNBUZZED FEED
  • ENTERTAINMENT
    • #QUITLIT 📚
    • MOVIE REVIEWS 🍿
    • MUSIC 🎶
    • POPCULTURE
    • RECOVERY PODCASTLAND 🎙️
    • SOBER CURATOR PODCAST 🎧
    • SOBER EVENTS CALENDAR 🗓️
    • SOBER SPORTS
    • TV SHOW REVIEWS 📺
  • TRAVEL & EVENTS
    • SOBER EVENTS CALENDAR 🗓️
    • SOBER RETREATS CALENDAR 🗓️
    • SOBRIETY IN THE CITY
      • SOBER IN MINNEAPOLIS
      • SOBER IN NYC
      • SOBER IN SEATTLE
    • WHAT A TRIP! 🧳
  • SPIRITUAL GANGSTER
    • THE CARD DIVO 🔮
    • CLASSY PROBLEMS
    • SOBERCAST
    • SOBERSCOPES
    • SOBRIETY IN FLOW 🧘🏻‍♀️
    • THIRSTY FOR WONDER
    • SPIRITUAL SUBSTANCE 🧬
    • STOICISM
  • RECOVERY RESOURCES
    • ALCOHOL & SUBSTANCE USE DISORDER RESOURCE GUIDE
    • BREAK FREE FOUNDATION
    • FAMILY RESOURCES
    • GLOSSARY OF ADDICTION AND RECOVERY TERMS
    • LGBTQ+ RECOVERY RESOURCES
    • RECOVERY STORIES
Facebook X (Twitter) Instagram Pinterest YouTube LinkedIn TikTok
The Sober CuratorThe Sober Curator
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • ❤️ CONTENT
    • ⭐ BECOME A CONTRIBUTOR
    • CONTRIBUTOR DIRECTORY
    • DEAR READERS✏️
    • MEET THE SOBER CURATOR
    • 📰 PRESS 📺
    • THE SOBEES 🐝
    • CONTACT 📧
  • HAPPY EVERY HOUR
    • NA BEERS AND CIDERS 🍺
    • NON-ALCOHOLIC WINES 🍾
    • NON-ALCOHOLIC SPIRITS 🍸
    • READY TO DRINK 🥤
    • BEHIND THE BAR 🍋‍🟩
    • NA TASTING EVENTS CALENDAR 🗓️
  • HEALTH & WELLNESS
    • BREAK FREE
    • CODEPENDENCY
    • MASTERING MENTAL FITNESS 🧠💪🏼
    • MENTAL HEALTH 🧠
    • RELATIONSHIPS 🤟🏽
    • SOBER NOT SUBTLE
    • SOBER POETRY 🖋️
    • SPEAK OUT! SPEAK LOUD! 🗣️
    • SPIRITUAL SUBSTANCE 🧬
    • WELLNESS AS A WAY OF LIFE
    • YOU’VE BEEN SELECTED
  • LIFESTYLE
    • #ADDTOCART 🛍️
    • ASK MRS. (W)RIGHT ⁉️
    • COMING OUT SOBER 🏳️‍🌈
    • 🏆 CONTENT
    • ✂️CURATED CRAFTS🎨
    • FASHION 👠
    • SHOP 🛒
    • SOBER SPOTLIGHT 🔦
    • SOBER CONTENT CREATION 💻
    • SOBER UNBUZZED FEED
  • ENTERTAINMENT
    • #QUITLIT 📚
    • MOVIE REVIEWS 🍿
    • MUSIC 🎶
    • POPCULTURE
    • RECOVERY PODCASTLAND 🎙️
    • SOBER CURATOR PODCAST 🎧
    • SOBER EVENTS CALENDAR 🗓️
    • SOBER SPORTS
    • TV SHOW REVIEWS 📺
  • TRAVEL & EVENTS
    • SOBER EVENTS CALENDAR 🗓️
    • SOBER RETREATS CALENDAR 🗓️
    • SOBRIETY IN THE CITY
      • SOBER IN MINNEAPOLIS
      • SOBER IN NYC
      • SOBER IN SEATTLE
    • WHAT A TRIP! 🧳
  • SPIRITUAL GANGSTER
    • THE CARD DIVO 🔮
    • CLASSY PROBLEMS
    • SOBERCAST
    • SOBERSCOPES
    • SOBRIETY IN FLOW 🧘🏻‍♀️
    • THIRSTY FOR WONDER
    • SPIRITUAL SUBSTANCE 🧬
    • STOICISM
  • RECOVERY RESOURCES
    • ALCOHOL & SUBSTANCE USE DISORDER RESOURCE GUIDE
    • BREAK FREE FOUNDATION
    • FAMILY RESOURCES
    • GLOSSARY OF ADDICTION AND RECOVERY TERMS
    • LGBTQ+ RECOVERY RESOURCES
    • RECOVERY STORIES
The Sober CuratorThe Sober Curator
Home - I Am an Alcoholic, and I Love Colonoscopies | Jason Mayo
MENTAL HEALTH

I Am an Alcoholic, and I Love Colonoscopies | Jason Mayo

Jason MayoBy Jason MayoSeptember 11, 20245 Mins Read
Share
Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email
Photo by annie pm on Unsplash

One hundred thirty-one days, eleven hours, seventeen minutes, and thirty-two seconds. No. I am not singing that song from RENT. Even though it’s catchy as fuck.  

The countdown is officially on—the countdown for what, you ask. Hannukah? Nope. Christmas? Nope. Boxing Day? I’m not even sure what Boxing Day is.  

I am an alcoholic in long-term recovery. To me, this means I live with substance use disorder, one day at a time. I have learned to modify my behavior. This enables me to live a healthy, productive, and sober life without having to drink or use any substances. It took me about twenty-five years to figure that out.  

If you’re a member of any 12-step program, you know that perhaps the most essential step is the first. It reads, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.” It’s pretty straightforward. It wasn’t always easy to recognize or come to terms with that in my active addiction. It took a lot of help and support from others and a program to follow for me to come to terms with that. Now, 14 years later, I could not be more confident that I am an alcoholic. I know this because my brain sends me signals. By signals, I mean they tell me to do stupid things and make me think crazy thoughts. Sometimes, the signals are scary, and sometimes, they are funny and ridiculous, but they always serve to remind me that I’m still an alcoholic. 

Here’s an example. Occasionally, I see an ad for those micro-dosed-infused mushroom drinks in my Instagram feed. They are marketed as non-alcoholic beverages. My first thought is, “Let me order a case of them and hide it in my basement so I don’t alarm my wife, and then I can try one and see if I can drink them responsibly.” Non-alcoholics don’t think these thoughts.  

Another example is when I visit the local CVS. I casually walk down the medicine aisle and think, “I should pick up a few bottles of Nyquil and a few packs of Benadryl just in case my kids get sick or my wife has an allergic reaction to my beard oil that contains traces of almond butter.” I know full well that drinking shots of Nyquil and snorting lines of Benadryl in the Penn Station bathroom follow soon after that. 

You get the point. 

What does all of this have to do with a countdown? The absolute most absurd reminder that I get that I’m a 100% certified alcoholic happens every five years. It’s the mother of all reminders—the Superbowl of signals. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the colonoscopy to thee. For those of you who are not familiar with a colonoscopy, let me get you up to speed. 

This is the description of the procedure from the Mayo Clinic website: 

During a colonoscopy, a long, flexible tube (colonoscope) is inserted into the rectum. A tiny video camera at the tip of the tube allows the doctor to view the inside of the entire colon. 

But wait! There’s more. There is also preparation that needs to be done before the exam. Here is a little bit of what that entails, according to WebMD: 

You’ll take strong laxatives the night before your colonoscopy to clear your digestive tract. You’ll drink a half-gallon of liquid laxative in the evening, and then you’ll get up about 6 hours before your appointment to drink another half-gallon. You probably won’t enjoy the taste of the solution. Once the laxative starts working, you’ll have frequent, forceful diarrhea. You may have cramps and bloating. If you have hemorrhoids, they may become irritated. You may also feel nauseated and even vomit. 

I’m being dead serious when I tell you with great enthusiasm that I can’t wait! I’m completely stoked. Like a kid on the first night of Hannukah, the anticipation can hardly be contained. You see, my mind doesn’t even consider the possibility of cancer, the insertion of a tiny video camera into my rectum, or even the frequent forceful diarrhea. 

My mind goes straight to the ANESTHESIA.  

Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200. Bring me to the dream maker. My thoughts take me to that blissful feeling I get right as the anesthesiologist instructs me to count backward from ten. Nine is my happy place.  

I know this is not normal thinking—my wife assures me of that—but it’s harmless as long as I don’t start scheduling weekly colonoscopies with every doctor on the eastern seaboard. Some people in recovery would even call this a freebie.  

I call it a reminder and an affirmation of the most important thing I need to remember about my recovery. I am an alcoholic who cannot drink. Ever.  

One hundred thirty-one days, nine hours, twelve minutes, and forty-one seconds. LFG! 


Speak Out Speak Loud

SPEAK OUT! SPEAK LOUD! at The Sober Curator is a celebration of authentic voices in recovery—echoing Madonna’s call to “Express yourself!” Here, readers and contributors take the spotlight, sharing transformative sobriety journeys, creative talents, and new avenues of self-expression discovered along the way. Through videos, poems, art, essays, opinion pieces, and music, we break the silence that often surrounds addiction, replacing it with connection, hope, and inspiration.

Your story matters—and we want to hear it. Submit your work to thesobercurator@gmail.com or DM us on social media.

Disclaimer: All opinions expressed in the Speak Out! Speak Loud! Section are solely the opinions of the contributing author of each individual published article and do not reflect the views of The Sober Curator, their respective affiliates, or the companies with which The Sober Curator is affiliated.

The Speak Out! Speak Loud! posts are based upon information the contributing author considers reliable. Still, neither The Sober Curator nor its affiliates, nor the companies with which such participants are affiliated, warrant its completeness or accuracy, and it should not be relied upon as such.


SOBER ENTERTAINMENT: Welcome to the hub for all things SOBER ENTERTAINMENT! #QUITLIT, Movie Night, The Mindful Binge, Recovery Podcastland, Music, Sober Celebs, and much more!


The Sober Curator Email newsletter
SOBERSCRIBE NOW!
Resources Are Available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

follow the sober curator on facebook

Follow The Sober Curator on Facebook

Jason Mayo
Share. Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn WhatsApp Reddit Tumblr Email
Jason Mayo
  • Website
  • X (Twitter)
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn

Husband, Father, Dog Dad, Digital Media Professional, Recovery Coach, Twitch Partner, Award Winning Blogger, Children’s Book Author, Thought Leader, Content Creator and Zombie Enthusiast. Passionate about using humor and creativity to make a positive impact on the world.

Related Posts

International Recovery Day September 30

International Recovery Day 2025: A Global Celebration of Hope and Healing

September 29, 2025
My Life as a Female Drug Dealer Just Trying to Support My Habit

My Life as a Female Drug Dealer Just Trying to Support My Habit

September 27, 2025
The Only Black Girl in Rehab by Lisa Crump

The Only Black Girl in Rehab | Lisa Crump

September 26, 2025

Comments are closed.

Sober City Mobile App
SOBERSCRIBE AND GET ON THE LIST!
7 events found.
  • Week of October 6
  • Previous week
  • Next week
Notice
No events scheduled for October 6, 2025.
8:00 am
Just F*%#ing Write: Get Words Out of Your Head and Onto the Page Zoom Seminar with Tawny Lara on Saturday, October 11th, 2025
October 7 @ 8:00 am - 5:00 pm PDT

Just F*%#ing Write: Get Words Out of Your Head and Onto the Page Zoom Seminar with Tawny Lara on Saturday, October 11th, 2025

Tawny Lara Virtual Course
See website
4:00 pm
Trivia Night at 309 Social Club
October 7 @ 4:30 pm - 6:30 pm PDT

Trivia Night at 309 Social Club

BigVision 309 Social Club 309 East 49th Street @ 2nd Ave, New York
Donation
5:00 pm
Sober Night Live! 105.5 The Colorado Sound Presents
October 7 @ 5:00 pm - 7:30 pm PDT

Sober Night Live! 105.5 The Colorado Sound Presents

Roots Music Project 4747 Pearl Suite V3A, Boulder
See website
An Evening with Sober Sisters in STL: Shopping, Sound Bath & Mocktails
October 7 @ 5:00 pm - 7:00 pm PDT

An Evening with Sober Sisters in STL: Shopping, Sound Bath & Mocktails

Goldie's Hair + Wardrobe 2712 Sutton Boulevard, Maplewood
$25.42
+ 1 More
5:00 pm
Zero Proof Cocktail Class With the NA Sommelier
October 8 @ 5:00 pm - 7:00 pm PDT

Zero Proof Cocktail Class With the NA Sommelier

700 Dexter Avenue North #suite 201, Seattle
$85.00
7:00 pm
Drag Bingo (Spooky AF Edition)
October 9 @ 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm PDT

Drag Bingo (Spooky AF Edition)

SOBER AF Bottle Shop Tacoma 5222 S Tacoma Way, Tacoma
See website
11:00 am
STOP THE SHUFFLE SCREENING – Wilmington Deleware International Film Festival
October 10 @ 11:00 am - 12:30 pm PDT

STOP THE SHUFFLE SCREENING – Wilmington Deleware International Film Festival

The Screening Room West
$15.00
Ongoing
MACHU PICCHU | Capsule Adventures
October 11 @ 5:00 am - October 19 @ 2:00 pm PDT

MACHU PICCHU | Capsule Adventures

Cusco, the Salktanay Trail, and Machu Picchu!
See website
7:00 am
Fresh Start: Breathwork with Kyle Harder | Teetotal Initiative Pittsburgh
October 11 @ 7:00 am - 9:00 am PDT

Fresh Start: Breathwork with Kyle Harder | Teetotal Initiative Pittsburgh

Thrive on Health 730 Brookline Blvd, Pittsburgh
Free
11:00 am
Just F*%#ing Write: Get Words Out of Your Head and Onto the Page Zoom Seminar with Tawny Lara on Saturday, October 11th, 2025
October 11 @ 11:00 am - 1:00 pm PDT

Just F*%#ing Write: Get Words Out of Your Head and Onto the Page Zoom Seminar with Tawny Lara on Saturday, October 11th, 2025

Tawny Lara Virtual Course
See website
+ 1 More
Ongoing
MACHU PICCHU | Capsule Adventures
October 11 @ 5:00 am - October 19 @ 2:00 pm PDT

MACHU PICCHU | Capsule Adventures

Cusco, the Salktanay Trail, and Machu Picchu!
See website

Week of Events

Mon 6
Tue 7
Wed 8
Thu 9
Fri 10
Sat 11
Sun 12
October 11 @ 5:00 am - October 19 @ 2:00 pm <span class='timezone'> PDT </span>

MACHU PICCHU | Capsule Adventures

MACHU PICCHU | Capsule Adventures

October 11 @ 5:00 am - October 19 @ 2:00 pm PDT

MACHU PICCHU | Capsule Adventures

MACHU PICCHU | Capsule Adventures Our journey blends the culture and cuisine of Cusco with the legendary Salkantay Trail, culminating at the Incan masterpiece of Machu Picchu. Trek through shifting

See website
October 11 @ 5:00 am - October 19 @ 2:00 pm <span class='timezone'> PDT </span>

MACHU PICCHU | Capsule Adventures

8:00 am - 5:00 pm

Just F*%#ing Write: Get Words Out of Your Head and Onto the Page Zoom Seminar with Tawny Lara on Saturday, October 11th, 2025

October 7 @ 8:00 am - 5:00 pm PDT

Just F*%#ing Write: Get Words Out of Your Head and Onto the Page Zoom Seminar with Tawny Lara on Saturday, October 11th, 2025

Just F*%#ing Write: Get Words Out of Your Head and Onto the Page Zoom Seminar with Tawny Lara on Saturday, October 11th, 2025 Live Seminar Via Zoom 1:00PM – 3:00PM

See website
4:30 pm - 6:30 pm

Trivia Night at 309 Social Club

October 7 @ 4:30 pm - 6:30 pm PDT

Trivia Night at 309 Social Club

Trivia Night at 309 Social Club Get your game face on and put your knowledge to the test at Trivia Night! From pop culture to history and everything in between,

Donation
5:00 pm - 7:30 pm

Sober Night Live! 105.5 The Colorado Sound Presents

October 7 @ 5:00 pm - 7:30 pm PDT

Sober Night Live! 105.5 The Colorado Sound Presents

Sober Night Live! 105.5 The Colorado Sound Presents Announcing Sober Night Live! A monthly open mic event for sober creatives, featuring performances, storytelling, and a supportive community. We are excited

See website
+ 1 More
5:00 pm - 7:00 pm

Zero Proof Cocktail Class With the NA Sommelier

October 8 @ 5:00 pm - 7:00 pm PDT

Zero Proof Cocktail Class With the NA Sommelier

Zero Proof Cocktail Class With the NA Sommelier Join us at Studio Forma for a tailored, hands-on, zero-proof cocktail-making experience with NA sommelier Juanita Unger. Professional bartending techniques, cocktail theory,

$85.00
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm

Drag Bingo (Spooky AF Edition)

October 9 @ 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm PDT

Drag Bingo (Spooky AF Edition)

Drag Bingo (Spooky AF Edition) Thu, Oct 09 Sober AF Zero Proof Bottle Shop Kick off Sober October by joining us for one of our KILLER Drag Bingo Nights. Sells

See website
11:00 am - 12:30 pm

STOP THE SHUFFLE SCREENING – Wilmington Deleware International Film Festival

October 10 @ 11:00 am - 12:30 pm PDT

STOP THE SHUFFLE SCREENING – Wilmington Deleware International Film Festival

STOP THE SHUFFLE SCREENING - Wilmington Delaware International Film Festival An intimate look inside the billion-dollar addiction treatment industry where young people are bought and sold for their insurance policies

$15.00
7:00 am - 9:00 am

Fresh Start: Breathwork with Kyle Harder | Teetotal Initiative Pittsburgh

October 11 @ 7:00 am - 9:00 am PDT

Fresh Start: Breathwork with Kyle Harder | Teetotal Initiative Pittsburgh

Fresh Start: Breathwork with Kyle Harder | Teetotal Initiative Pittsburgh Come breathe in community during a guided breathwork session—a space to let go of stress, quiet the noise of everyday

Free
11:00 am - 1:00 pm

Just F*%#ing Write: Get Words Out of Your Head and Onto the Page Zoom Seminar with Tawny Lara on Saturday, October 11th, 2025

October 11 @ 11:00 am - 1:00 pm PDT

Just F*%#ing Write: Get Words Out of Your Head and Onto the Page Zoom Seminar with Tawny Lara on Saturday, October 11th, 2025

Just F*%#ing Write: Get Words Out of Your Head and Onto the Page Zoom Seminar with Tawny Lara on Saturday, October 11th, 2025 Live Seminar Via Zoom 1:00PM – 3:00PM

See website
12:30 pm - 6:30 pm

Sober AF Entertainment: Iowa Hawkeyes vs. Wisconsin Badgers @ Camp Randall Stadium (Madison – WI)

October 11 @ 12:30 pm - 6:30 pm PDT

Sober AF Entertainment: Iowa Hawkeyes vs. Wisconsin Badgers @ Camp Randall Stadium (Madison – WI)

Sober AF Entertainment: Iowa Hawkeyes vs. Wisconsin Badgers @ Camp Randall Stadium (Madison – WI)

See website
+ 1 More
View Calendar
Thirty for Wonder by Anne Marie Cribbin
The Sober Curator
Facebook Instagram X (Twitter) TikTok YouTube Pinterest
  • PRIVACY POLICY
  • LINKS DISCLAIMER
  • EDITORIAL GUIDELINES
  • TERMS OF SERVICE
  • REFUND POLICY
  • DON’T SELL MY INFO
  • DATA SUBJECT REQUEST FORM
  • CONTACT US
© 2025 The Sober Curator - Benefits of a Alcohol Free Lifestyle

Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.