Let me set the scene. Amazon flashed a sale on Celsius, and I did what any red-blooded, overcaffeinated woman would do: I got excited, skipped the fine print, and smashed the buy button. Twice.
Two cases later, I discovered my mistake. My dad was the one to point it out and when he did, I literally sucked all of the air out of the room with my gasp. I ordered cola Celsius. I drink CHERRY cola Celsius. There is a difference. A very BIG difference in my opinion.
I was not about to let 24 cans of the wrong flavor sit in the garage, judging me while I ordered the right ones. So I did the math: cola plus cherry syrup plus maraschino cherries equals the cherry cola of my dreams, with a garnish situation the original never offered.
And that’s when it hit me. Remember the summer the Dirty Shirley took over every bar in America? Vodka, Sprite, grenadine, and a $16 tab for what was essentially a spiked kiddie cocktail. The original Shirley Temple was invented for a kid at a Hollywood dinner table in the 1930s. The Dirty Shirley was invented for people who wanted to pretend adulthood wasn’t happening. Friends, I had accidentally invented her sober cousin. The one who got her life together, developed a caffeine habit, and has never been more productive.
I mixed the first one two thousand redirects deep into an SEO cleanup of this very website. Necessity is the mother of invention. Panic-buying is apparently the fun aunt.
The Overcaffeinated Dirty Shirley
What you need:
- 1 can of cola-flavored CELSIUS, chilled (purchased on purpose or in a sale-induced frenzy, no judgment here)
- A generous glug of cherry syrup (start with a half ounce, adjust to your inner child’s taste)
- 3 to 5 maraschino cherries. This is not the place for restraint
- Crushed ice, and a lot of it. Looking for the perfect crushed ice maker? Meet my newest BFF, the GE Profile Opal 2.0 Ultra Nugget Ice Maker
- The biggest, most ridiculous tumbler you own. Mine is technically a Diet Coke tumbler. It has range
What you do:
- Pack the tumbler with crushed ice — all the way up, no half measures
- Pour the cherry syrup over the ice first so it streaks down like a sunset
- Crack the Celsius and pour slow. Watch it go full cherry-cola lava lamp
- Crown it with the cherries, stir once, and get back to conquering your to-do list
That’s it. Four ingredients, zero hangover, and enough caffeine to alphabetize your entire garage.
Want to go full extra? Add a Glitter Bomb package to make your drink sparkly. Fair warning: those sparkles will go ALL THE WAY THROUGH your body. You know exactly what I mean.
This version is for those of us who did the hard thing, showed up for our lives, and still want the pretty drink with the cherries on top.
Twenty-three cans to go. Pray for me. Actually, don’t. This is the best mistake I’ve made all year.
PS – You could also do it the easy way and just order the CHERRY Cola Celsius.
HAPPY EVERY HOUR: 7Up Shirley Temple Review: A Refreshing Throwback to a Classic Mocktail
#ADDTOCART: I Dog-Sat for Four Days and Came Home with a $500 Ice Habit
HAPPY EVERY HOUR: Ben Stiller Has a Soda Brand Now and Honestly? We’re Here for It
Welcome to HAPPY EVERY HOUR, your go-to hub for all things NA (non-alcoholic). We review alcohol-free beers, ciders, wines, spirits, RTDs (ready-to-drink), and share NA cocktail recipes that taste just as good—if not better—than the boozy originals. Whether you’re sober, sober-curious, or just taking a break, this is where great taste meets zero proof.
TRIGGER WARNING: People in early sobriety may want to proceed with caution. Always read labels. Please hydrate responsibly … #becausedrunkneverlooksgood.
🛍️ Submit a Product for Review NA beverages, sober-friendly tools, alcohol-free brands, and products built for the way our audience actually lives. Submit your product →
All the cool kids go to rehab…
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
**What is a Dirty Shirley?**
A Dirty Shirley is a Shirley Temple with vodka added: Sprite, grenadine, and maraschino cherries with a boozy kick. It went viral as the unofficial drink of summer 2022. This version skips the vodka entirely and swaps in a cola Celsius for caffeine instead of alcohol.
**Is this drink alcohol-free?**
Completely. Every ingredient (Celsius, cherry syrup, maraschino cherries) is alcohol-free, making it safe for anyone who is sober, sober curious, or just driving home tonight.
**How much caffeine is in the Overcaffeinated Shirley?**
One can of Celsius carries about 200 mg of caffeine, roughly two cups of coffee. Treat it as an afternoon drink, not a nightcap, unless you have plans to reorganize your closet at 2 a.m.
**Can I make a caffeine-free version?**
Absolutely. Swap the Celsius for any cola, a cherry-vanilla sparkling water, or a non-alcoholic ginger beer for extra bite. The cherry syrup and the mountain of crushed ice are the non-negotiables.
**What kind of cherries should I use?**
The classic neon-red maraschinos deliver the full nostalgia hit, but Luxardo cherries make it feel like a $16 bar drink. Either way, use more than you think is polite.
