Sometimes I wish I could die at my desk.
I could silently slide into the bliss of never having to work to live again.
Because this isn’t work it is death.
It is crawling through the sewer pipes of a bloated and corrupted system,
Clawing at whatever shit we can to push down the pipe to those below us.
Then we tell them to be grateful for what they have.
Then we tell them they shouldn’t be there in the first place.
Sometimes I wish I could die at my desk so I don’t have to be angry anymore.
So that I wouldn’t have to make the everyday agonizing choice between fight or flight.
I extend myself to help the countless expended others and all the while so very few are fulfilled.
Are they the ones we live for?
How do I find peace and solace where people gather in force to tell the ones I love to go back where they came from and die?
How do I live in a world where children can’t be safe because their parents keep telling them they will never be safe?
How do I love my brother when he wants to hurt my sister?
How am I supposed to make it through today?
Call 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It provides free and confidential support 24 hours a day, seven days a week for people in suicidal crisis or distress. You can learn more about its services here, including its guide on what to do if you see suicidal language on social media. You can also call that number to talk to someone about how you can help a person in crisis. For crisis support in Spanish, call 1-888-628-9454.
For support outside of the US, a worldwide directory of resources and international hotlines is provided by the International Association for Suicide Prevention. You can also turn to Befrienders Worldwide.
Help is Available
If you or someone you love is living with substance use, alcohol misuse, a co-occurring, or a behavioral health disorder, there is hope. The Break Free Foundation aids individuals seeking recovery through the Break Free Scholarship Fund. It sends anyone who lacks the financial resources to attend a recovery center to do so at low to no cost.
Review our Treatment Locator Tool to find the right program near you, as well as our list of Hotlines and Helplines. Click here for a list of regional and national resources. On this road to recovery, no one is alone. We are all in this together.
