I recently turned 50 on a cruise ship off the coast of Alaska, staring down a glacier like the Ice Queen I’ve always known I am. This wasn’t just any cruise. This was the Hooked on Travel Alaskan Cruise setting sail out of Vancouver, BC aboard the Grand Princess Cruises — a floating city of soft-serve, sequins, and sober serenity.
So in honor of hitting the Big Five-Oh with glaciers and Golden Girls, here are 50 things I experienced — in no particular order — while sailing north, patch-covered sweatshirt and all. Fun fact: at the end of this list, I curated a playlist of the ????️ Top 20 Movies & Series About Cruise Ships & Ocean Liner Drama just for you! (Cause that’s what 50-year-olds do in their spare time.)
The Glam, the Games, the Glacier
- I travel like Rose from Titanic. No, really. Four suitcases, two bags, and art to hang in my stateroom.
- Cruise ships are small cities with elevators and unlimited shrimp cocktail.
- Give me a salad bar with unlimited fresh veggies and fruit, and I will give you my loyalty.
- Woke up on my birthday to a glacier and a waterfall. Take THAT, hotel minibars.
- Playing cards with my parents is the real luxury experience. Have pinochle cards, will travel.
- I sleep like a baby on cruise ships. Also? Let’s just say… digestion is thriving. A’hem.
- If you think cruises aren’t sober-friendly, you’re just not looking hard enough.
- Princess Cruises gets points for their non-alcoholic cocktails. Shoutout to the Virgin Pina Colada. Fun fact! They also featured various NA cocktail recipes that included Lyre’s and Betty Buzz.
- A soft serve vanilla cone every day? Yes. I’m a simple woman with complex skincare needs.
- Gameshows and trivia? My new personality. Also, I can last 47 seconds without saying yes or no to a full line-up of questions. Don’t act like that’s easy.
Patchwork Vibes & Sober Celebrations
- Hooked on Travel = the group travel plug you didn’t know you needed.
- Rain ponchos: Nobody looks good in them. Not even you, Instagram model.
- Bought my first (and only) Labubu in Skagway. Named him Graf. (Short for Graffiti) He’s cuter than most of my exes.
- My patch-covered sweatshirt got so many compliments; it now has a publicist. Learn how to make it HERE.
- A hot guy in Ketchikan said I was a “fresh vibe.” My sweatshirt was working overtime.
- Salt water taffy tastes better in Alaska. Fact.
- There are too many jewelry stores and not enough Alaskans running them.
- Golden Girls parties are for all ages. Betty White forever.
- “Pin the Glasses on Sophia” should be an Olympic sport.
- Turn 50 on a cruise, and suddenly you’re the young hot thing among the 2,800 guests.
Ice Cream, Apps, and British Accents
- I tried to hit my 15-beverage daily limit (NA drinks, of course). I failed. It turns out that I can’t drink as many iced coffees, diet cokes, and non-alcoholic Pina Coladas as I thought I could, in addition to the recommended daily water intake. (The irony that back in the day, 15 drinks was a normal Friday night was not lost on me.)
- Sleeping with the stateroom balcony door open = ocean ASMR heaven.
- The closet had more hangers than I brought outfits, which is saying something. This brought me more joy than you can imagine. 5 Stars Princess Cruise lines! 5 Stars!
- Starting each day doing the Achy Breaky and Electric Slide? Not mad about it.
- Cruise comedians are either legends or lawsuits waiting to happen.
- Fell in love with an $11K Britto Unicorn sculpture. Wishlist updated. Donations welcome.
- Slow pace + bad WiFi = accidental digital detox. And I didn’t even cry.
- I love a good app — especially the one that tracked my parents’ location onboard.
- Watching The Love Boat on the Grand Princess felt so Gen X.
- Do NOT watch Poop Cruise, Amy Bradley is Missing, or Cruise Ship Killers pre-cruise vacation. You’re welcome.
Karaoke Confessions & Cheesy Glamour
- I’m bad at karaoke sober. I was also bad at it drunk.
- According to my bestie Blanche (Amy), Fifty is just Nifty with an F in front. EPIC IG Reel Lipsync HERE for your viewing entertainment.
- Cruise ship hallways are longer than Vegas hotel hallways, and that’s saying something.
- I could get used to bed made AM, turned down PM. #PrincessTreatment
- If I’m around a British accent for more than 10 minutes, I start talking like Adele on NyQuil.
- Most people don’t even make eye contact with the crew. I did — and made a lot of friends.
- Men in Captain uniforms = yes, please. This is not up for debate.
- My friend Lola got her eyeball photographed as art. It’s called Iris Art. She’s giving it to her kids so they know she’s always watching.
- So. Many. Cheesy. Photo. Ops. I’m now the proud owner of a glamour shot holding a plastic ship’s wheel.
- Turns out, people love to dress up like it’s prom on cruise ships. Shine on, sequins. Shine on.
Heart Full, Ice Cream Cone in Hand
- To my birthday hype crew: Heidi, Lola, Sarah, Megan, and Brooke – you’re the real Sober MVPs.
- My parents and I taught Brooke and DJ how to play Mau. Laughed until my cheekbones hurt. Total face boner.
- Mafia is even more fun when you’re playing on a literal ship.
- Polaroids? Forever fun. Bring one with loads of film. Nostalgia with a side of Pacific Ocean.
- Saw 3 whales, 2 sea otters, and 1 bald eagle. Nature delivered.
- Sunsets at sea are what dreams are made of. I love it when God shows off.
- As my first cruise ever, I’m not saying I’m addicted… but I’m cruise-curious now.
- Turning 50 doesn’t feel much different than 49 — but it photographs better.
- I felt so loved. So celebrated. So completely held by my sober, quirky, glittery, messy, beautiful community.
- Cheers to the next 50. Preferably with soft serve, card games, and hot captains.
Ready to try your own Boozeless Cruise? Check out Hooked on Travel’s upcoming sober itineraries and prepare to be showered in meaningful memories, friendship bracelets, and mocktails with tiny umbrellas. Fully present and 100% alive! Make sure to tell Darci that AB sent you!
ICYMI: Here is the podcast episode with Darci from earlier this year.
Stay sober. Stay salty.
– AB (*that’s me)
Hooked on Alaskan IG Reels
- Day One – Ahoy, mates! Let’s set sail!
- Day Two – Lost at sea + comedy (but make it sober)
- 10:30PM AT NIGHT – Why is it so bright?
- Day Three – Juneau what?
- Adult Coloring but make it Golden Girls.
- Skagway – lost track of what day it was
- Greetings from Blanch
- Good Morning 50 with a side of Glacier
- Golden Girls Runway Show
- This is 50
- Ketchikan – last stop!
- Lighthouse + Sunsets
- This is the Voice of the Ocean – just like the show, but on water
????️ Top 20 Movies & Series About Cruise Ships & Ocean Liner Drama
And because I’m cool like that, I’ve curated this list below into a playlist of trailers. You can check it out HERE on The Sober Curator’s YouTube Channel. (Pssst..might as well subscribe while you’re there, so you don’t get sober fomo from all the cool vids we publish)
⚓️ 1. Titanic (1997)
Genre: Historical Romance / Disaster
The gold standard. Rich girl, poor boy, doomed ship. Sweeping romance meets tragedy aboard the RMS Titanic. I’ll never let go of this classic.
???? 2. Triangle (2009)
Genre: Psychological Thriller / Horror
A mind-bending time loop unfolds on a derelict ocean liner. Think The Shining at sea.
???? 3. The Love Boat (1977–1986)
Genre: Romantic Comedy / Anthology Series
Each episode brings fresh flings, makeups, and breakups aboard the Pacific Princess. Campy, charming, and iconic. Even better when watched on a Princess Cruise ship.
???? 4. The Poseidon Adventure (1972)
Genre: Disaster / Survival
An ocean liner is capsized by a rogue wave. A group of survivors tries to escape upside-down wreckage.
???? 5. Ghost Ship (2002)
Genre: Supernatural Horror
A salvage crew boards a mysterious abandoned ocean liner. Blood, ghosts, and a killer hook scene await.
???? 6. Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
Genre: Action / Thriller
A hijacked cruise liner and Sandra Bullock. Not Speed 1, but it’s got action and cruise chaos.
???? 7. Death on the Nile (2022)
Genre: Mystery / Suspense
A glamorous river cruise turns deadly when a murder interrupts the party. Agatha Christie vibes with a luxe twist.
???? 8. Out to Sea (1997)
Genre: Comedy / Romance
Two aging bachelors become dance hosts aboard a cruise — cue hijinks, romance, and Michael Jackson impressions.
???? 9. Dead Calm (1989)
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Nicole Kidman and Sam Neill face terror when they rescue a stranger from a sinking ship. Slow-burn dread in the middle of nowhere.
???? 10. An Affair to Remember (1957)
Genre: Classic Romance
Aboard a transatlantic cruise, Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr fall in love and make plans to reunite atop the Empire State Building.
???? 11. Poseidon (2006)
Genre: Action / Disaster
Modern remake of The Poseidon Adventure. Bigger effects, higher stakes — more water, more danger.
????️ 12. Below (2002)
Genre: Horror / War
Set on a haunted WWII submarine. Atmospheric and eerie with supernatural suspense in tight quarters.
????️ 13. The Suite Life on Deck (2008–2011)
Genre: Teen Sitcom
Zack and Cody take their chaos aboard the S.S. Tipton. Fun for all ages — and all about growing up at sea.
???? 14. Cruise Ship Killers (2020–present)
Genre: True Crime / Docudrama
Explores real crimes committed aboard luxury ships. Equal parts eerie and fascinating.
???? 15. SOS: Titanic (1979)
Genre: Historical Drama
A TV movie dramatizing the Titanic’s final voyage, blending real characters with fictional drama.
???? 16. Romance on the High Seas (1948)
Genre: Musical Comedy / Romance
Doris Day’s big-screen debut — full of mistaken identities and charming serenades aboard a ship.
????️ 17. Adrift (2018)
Genre: Survival / Romance
True story of a couple caught in a hurricane aboard a small sailing yacht. Less cruise-y, but still a gripping at-sea tale.
???? 18. Harpoon (2019)
Genre: Black Comedy / Thriller
Three friends stuck on a yacht. Dark humor, shifting alliances, and escalating dread.
???? 19. Voyage of the Damned (1976)
Genre: Historical Drama
A sobering dramatization of the real 1939 voyage of the MS St. Louis, where Jewish refugees were denied entry to multiple countries.
????️ 20. High Seas (Alta Mar) (2019–2020)
Genre: Spanish Mystery Drama
Set on a 1940s luxury cruise, this Netflix series is full of glamour, secrets, murders, and sibling drama.
Looking for more Movie + TV Series reviews? Hit up the SOBER ENTERTAINMENT section and let your fingers go for a scroll.
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