Fifteen years sober. Fifteen years of meetings, therapy, inventories, step work, helping others, getting help, relapsing only in dreams, and waking up grateful I didn’t drink.
I’ve done the deep dives. I’ve looked at my childhood, my trauma, my patterns, my shame. I thought I understood the wiring.
And then, fellow Sober Curator Lane Kennedy dropped this on me:
“You, me — we are driven by our DNA. I’d bet money you’ve got those DRD genes hot in your behavior and brain pathways.”
Cue record scratch.
Wait — what now? You’re telling me there’s a genetic reason I don’t know how to “just chill”? That my brain might be set to “maximum stimulation or bust” thanks to a little thing called dopamine sensitivity?
Suddenly, it all clicked.
And not just the drinking.
Everything.
All Gas, No Brake
Apparently, people with certain variants of the DRD genes — especially DRD2 and DRD4 — are wired to respond more intensely to dopamine. We’re novelty seekers. Reward chasers. Stimulation junkies. We don’t just enjoy things — we consume them. We immerse. We fixate. We go hard.
I’ve always been like this.
When I got sober, I didn’t just get sober — I became sobriety’s most caffeinated spokesperson. Started writing, speaking, creating, connecting. Now I launched Sober Not Subtle not because I needed another project, but because if I didn’t channel that energy into something, I was going to implode.
Then came the other obsessions. Fortnite took over for a while — not casually, but with the kind of intensity usually reserved for e-sports tournaments.
And don’t even get me started on the collections.
Hats: 30+ and counting. Guitars? 10+ and counting. (I only have two hands, but tell that to my dopamine receptors.) Vinyl: I don’t even listen to half of them — I just need to know they’re there. Books: An entire library of unread potential. Hockey cards: Yep. Smurf figures: That was a phase. But it was real. Stamps: I was eight. But still.
I’m currently going through a ginger beer phase. Not just one brand — all of them. Fever-Tree, Bundaberg, Reed’s — anything with a hint of spice and a fancy label.
Why can’t I just drink club soda like the rest of the sober population?
Nope. My brain needs kick, variety, something to obsess over. Even my beverages have to be a full-on dopamine event.
I’ve always told myself I’m a workaholic. That I can’t sit still. But what I’ve learned is — I’m not addicted to work. I’m addicted to feeling like I’m achieving something. If I’m not moving forward, I feel like I’m drowning in place.
Even my passion for helping others in recovery — it’s 100% genuine, but it’s also another space where I get to stay in motion, stay lit up, stay connected to meaning. Because if I sit still too long, my brain starts pacing like a tiger in a cage.
So What Does This All Mean?
It means I’m not “too much.” I’m just wired hot.
This new insight about the DRD genes and dopamine sensitivity doesn’t let me off the hook — but it does give me a new lens. It softens the judgment. Replaces shame with understanding.
Now, I can stop trying to force myself into “balanced” or “normal” and start asking better questions:
What kind of life actually works for my wiring?
How do I feed this high-performance brain without setting it on fire?
How do I harness this energy instead of being ruled by it?
Recovery Doesn’t End. It Evolves.
Fifteen years in, I’m still learning new things about myself. Still finding puzzle pieces I didn’t know were missing.
And this one? It changes how I see my past. It changes how I move forward.
I’m not broken.
I’m not too intense.
I’m just a guy whose brain needs a lot of stimulation — and a lot of structure — to stay in the light.
And now that I know? I’m not going to fight it.
I’m going to build with it.
I’m not broken.
I’m not too intense.
I’m just a guy with a brain that runs hot, craves fire and needs meaning like oxygen.
Now that I know how I’m wired, I can finally stop apologizing for it — and start building a life that works with my brain, not against it.
Recovery gave me freedom.
This knowledge gave me language.
And together?
They gave me permission to stop surviving and start designing something better.
Even if that something involves 15 guitars, 30 hats, and a fridge full of ginger beer.
SOBER CURATOR PRO TIP: Looking for ginger beer recommendations? We’ve got you. Check out our ready-to-drink section of HAPPY EVERY HOUR. Did all this DNA talk get you curious? Check out SPIRITUAL SUBSTANCE by Lane Kennedy for the 411 on your DNA.
SOBER NOT SUBTLE: Through personal stories, advocacy, and connection, Sober Not Subtle is committed to smashing stigma around addiction and mental health. Jason is passionate about advocating for people living with substance use disorder and mental health issues. His goal is to use humor, creativity, and lived experience to impact the world positively.
Sober Curator Fun Fact: The coolest thing that ever happened to him as a “Dad blogger” was being named to the “25 Dads Who Rock” list published by Working Mother, joining Barack Obama, Jay-Z, David Beckham, Will Smith, and Brad Pitt.
SPEAK OUT! SPEAK LOUD! at The Sober Curator is a celebration of authentic voices in recovery—echoing Madonna’s call to “Express yourself!” Here, readers and contributors take the spotlight, sharing transformative sobriety journeys, creative talents, and new avenues of self-expression discovered along the way. Through videos, poems, art, essays, opinion pieces, and music, we break the silence that often surrounds addiction, replacing it with connection, hope, and inspiration.
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Disclaimer: All opinions expressed in the Speak Out! Speak Loud! Section are solely the opinions of the contributing author of each individual published article and do not reflect the views of The Sober Curator, their respective affiliates, or the companies with which The Sober Curator is affiliated.
The Speak Out! Speak Loud! posts are based upon information the contributing author considers reliable. Still, neither The Sober Curator nor its affiliates, nor the companies with which such participants are affiliated, warrant its completeness or accuracy, and it should not be relied upon as such.
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