I never had a father,
Just a sperm donor
Who acted like a father
So that society would feed his narcissism.
I am damaged and forgotten.
I am my own father
And whisper into my ears
“You could have done better”
I am my own father.
I have assumed the feelings
Of disappointment
My father was never around to express.
I have ruined myself.
I have told myself “you are not enough”
Enough times
To believe it.
I have continued his legacy
Of forgetting me
Of forgetting I am human
Of forgetting my need to be loved.
I never had a father to tell me everything will be OK.
So I don’t know that it will be,
When all the evidence shows me that it already is.
I never learned how to be there for myself.
I have learned to love myself,
Only to learn that love is not enough.
I am in an abusive relationship with myself.
I am no better than him.
My self-love is an act
So that society will feed my desperate desire
To prioritize myself
Enough to be considered a narcissist.
Call 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It provides free and confidential support 24 hours a day, seven days a week for people in suicidal crisis or distress. You can learn more about its services here, including its guide on what to do if you see suicidal language on social media. You can also call that number to talk to someone about how you can help a person in crisis. For crisis support in Spanish, call 1-888-628-9454.
For support outside of the US, a worldwide directory of resources and international hotlines is provided by the International Association for Suicide Prevention. You can also turn to Befrienders Worldwide.
Help is Available
If you or someone you love is living with substance use, alcohol misuse, a co-occurring, or a behavioral health disorder, there is hope. The Break Free Foundation aids individuals seeking recovery through the Break Free Scholarship Fund. It sends anyone who lacks the financial resources to attend a recovery center to do so at low to no cost.
Review our Treatment Locator Tool to find the right program near you, as well as our list of Hotlines and Helplines. Click here for a list of regional and national resources. On this road to recovery, no one is alone. We are all in this together.
