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The Sober CuratorThe Sober Curator
Home - A Beautiful Problem – Staying in Touch
SPEAK OUT! SPEAK LOUD!

A Beautiful Problem – Staying in Touch

Andrew LittlefieldBy Andrew LittlefieldFebruary 6, 20256 Mins Read
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Photo by Gilles Lambert on Unsplash

Recovery has gifted me so many things, but the gift that overwhelms me the most is the love it has enabled me to bear. Itโ€™s a beautiful thing, really, but oh, my Lord, can it be overwhelming. Iโ€™m blessed with so much love and connection that I havenโ€™t learned how to carry it all.

Staying in touch with everyone I care about feels like an impossible task -not because I donโ€™t want to but because I miss them so damn much. Itโ€™s the ironic and antithetical truth: that I miss people too much to give them a call.

Letโ€™s take the ladies from New Lane Senior Center, for example. During my time with NY Project Hope (a FEMA-funded program responding to the COVID crisis), I visited New Lane every Thursday. Tina, Gale, Yolanda, Rosemarie, and Doรฑa Julia made those visits unforgettable -as well as my awesome colleagues. They were all sharp, funny, and endlessly kind.

When my fiancรฉ and I were on a cruise ship leaving New York Harbor, waving during the sail away, heading under the Verrazzano Bridge, we held up a sign that said, โ€œWe love you, New Lane!โ€ Tina and Gale actually caught a picture of us, which was unsurprising considering they were the star members of the photography club. It was a small moment, but it meant everything to me. These and so many other beautiful memories were shared in our short time together, and I still have the pleasure of enjoying Tinaโ€™s photography on Facebook. Their support, humor, and presence made those months a whole lot brighter.

I care deeply about them and think about them often, but I havenโ€™t contacted them in a long time.ย 

I think about picking up the phone to send a text, and I hesitate with a memory heavy on my heartโ€ฆ

When I was around 12, I volunteered at the nursing home where my mom worked and became close friends with a resident named Elvira. She was the best thing since sliced bread, which is inaccurate because she was probably older than that. She was funny, bright, and one of the few adults -senior or otherwise- who could hold the attention and admiration of a young boy who just wanted to go home and play video games. I remember her hands; I remember how, one day,ย  she used her limited funds to buy me a chicken pot pie for lunch in the cafeteria. I remember that pot pie. Thatโ€™s the kind of person Elvira was: giving, even when she had very little to give.

Life got busy, and I stopped visiting as often. One day, my mom came home and told me Elvira had passed away. I wasnโ€™t ready for that loss, and my heart was stunned into silence. You see, itโ€™s fascinating to me because I had already lost my grandmother (and several father figures,) so itโ€™s not like loss was a stranger. Her loss wasโ€ฆ her loss cut me deeply because I had never considered that losing her could be a possibility. I didnโ€™t know how to process it and still donโ€™t think Iโ€™ve fully processed it.

That experience shaped me in ways Iโ€™m still doing my best to understand. It taught me how much it hurts to lose someone you love, and it taught me how deeply you could come to love someone you donโ€™t see every day. My life is a story of loss that damned me to carry fear, a story that all of my brothers, sisters, and others in recovery have written and read. That fear holds me back from reaching out to the people I love, not because I donโ€™t care, but because I care so much that Iโ€™m afraid of what happened since the last time they picked up the phone.

I tell myself itโ€™s easier this way, and who knows, maybe it is. Perhaps I donโ€™t give myself enough grace when I move to save myself from pain. Excluding a message on any of Metaโ€™s products, I always try to respond when people reach out to me, perhaps because it gives me some sense of balance or probably because, in my mind, it absolves me of the responsibility to stay in touch unless they stay in touch first. Maybe itโ€™s because humans werenโ€™t designed to know as many people as I know, and perhaps our hearts arenโ€™t big enough to handle the love that flows into and out of them from so many sources. Speaking for myself, I know those lovely ladies at the senior center are the tip of the iceberg.

I wonder if Tina, Gale, Yolanda, Rosemarie, and Doรฑa Julia know how much they mean to me. I wonder if I know how much I mean to others in my same situation: missing me too much to shoot me a meme. I hope Iย  do; I hope they do. I think about them, love them, and hope they feel it.

And now this article ends the same way it began: with recovery. As recovery transformed me inside and out, I know that without the healing and introspection that it brings, this beautiful problem would just be a ghost in the back of my mind.


Speak Out Speak Loud

Welcome to theย Speak Out Speak Loudย section ofย The Sober Curator, a space echoing Madonnaโ€™s call to โ€œExpress yourself!โ€ This is where our readers and contributors take center stage, sharing their transformative sobriety journeys. Often, sobriety uncovers hidden talents, abilities, and new avenues of self-expression. By sharing these stories, we facilitate personal healing and offer hope to those still navigating the path of recovery. So, letโ€™s raise our voices, Speak Out, and Speak Loud! In doing so, we combat the silence that often shrouds addiction, offering solace and inspiration. We invite you to share your unique expressions of recovery hereโ€”through videos, poems, art, essays, opinion pieces, or music.

We canโ€™t wait to hear from you! Please email us atย thesobercurator@gmail.com or DM us on social!

Disclaimer: All opinions expressed in the Speak Out! Speak Loud! Section are solely the opinions of the contributing author of each individual published article and do not reflect the views of The Sober Curator, their respective affiliates, or the companies with which The Sober Curator is affiliated.

The Speak Out! Speak Loud! posts are based upon information the contributing author considers reliable. Still, neither The Sober Curator nor its affiliates, nor the companies with which such participants are affiliated, warrant its completeness or accuracy, and it should not be relied upon as such.


recovery resources

Recovery is hard 24/7, 365 – Please know that resources are available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources. If your life or someone else’s is in imminent danger, please call 911. If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call:ย 988.

Andrew Littlefield speak out speak loud staying in touch
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