Welcome to the sober HR Lady’s corner, where all questions are good questions, and nothing is off limits!
As a person in recovery who is proudly recovering out loud in both my personal and professional life, I often get questions about how to navigate it all. I know that it can feel overwhelming at the beginning. When I first got sober, I had a second pending DUI, was navigating outpatient treatment, getting meeting slips signed, worried about a job I loved, and (feel free to laugh) still trying to figure out how to date among all of this mess.
Here are a few questions I hear often that may help ease some of the discomfort. Early sobriety is uncomfortable. But it does get better. The more we practice being sober in the world, the more it just becomes second nature. Feel free to send in any questions you may have — nothing is off-limits in this HR Dept. Believe me, after 20 years in HR and 9 years in recovery, I have heard it all!
Today’s topic: Workplace & Social Navigation
- How do I handle workplace happy hours or events where alcohol is present?
For those working in industries that place a lot of value on networking, this can be a particularly uncomfortable scenario. Not only are you going to potentially be put into a scenario where you feel like you want to drink, but others are used to seeing you with a drink in hand. There are a few ways to look at this.
- You can simply decline the invitation. Even if you do not have a previous commitment, they don’t know that. Or make other plans that do not involve drinking!
- You can go at the beginning of the event (before others have too many drinks), stay for a diet soda (my fav) or a mocktail, and then say your goodbyes for the evening.
- Share with a trusted colleague that you are no longer drinking and bring them as your support buddy. I was often surprised when I shared my new foray into sobriety with others to learn that they don’t drink, don’t like drinking, or had a family member in recovery, and were happy to support me.
But do know this does get easier. You will have fun again. Others may not even notice that you are no longer drinking. People are far more into themselves than we think. 😉
- What should I say if a coworker asks why I am not drinking?
Oh, the possibilities are endless. You can be serious, have some fun with it, or even be honest. It is up to you!
- I am taking a break from drinking for the month. (Dry January, for example)
- Turns out I am allergic to alcohol.
- I’m the designated storyteller for tomorrow.
- I’m on a wellness kick — so far, so good!
- I have discovered I am a mocktail person! What are you drinking?
- I love a good soda water — have you tried this one?
- I am in recovery, so I don’t drink anymore. But I am here for the appetizers!
- Drinking messes with my beauty sleep, and I’m very committed to looking fabulous!
At the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. The key is to own your choice with confidence. The only person who needs to be comfortable with your decision is you.
- How do I set boundaries at work to protect my sobriety without oversharing?
Like the question above, you do not owe anyone an explanation. You get to decide how much or how little you share. And this could very likely change with time. When I first got sober, I was never going to tell anyone in the professional world that I am an alcoholic! But over time, I met more people who were also in recovery and leading amazing careers. They gave me the courage to begin to share more. But that took years. Let’s focus on today.
See questions #1 and #2 for setting boundaries in social situations. If you are the one making the plans, suggest a coffee or a lunch meet-up. If someone else is inviting you, it is also okay to decline or suggest another time or venue. There is no need to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. You have options!
- Should I tell my boss or HR that I’m in recovery? If so, how do I approach that conversation?
That is your private information, so you do not have to tell anyone. If you feel like you need to (due to time off for treatment, outpatient, doctor’s appointments, or court dates), know that you have rights, and this information cannot be used against you. I would recommend sharing with HR first and then speaking with your boss. Some corporations have recovery-friendly workplace procedures in place that can help guide the process. For those that do not, there are tons of resources out there.
- How do I deal with stress or work-related triggers that make me want to drink or use?
- Take a walk — get out of your office and into some fresh air. Taking a few minutes to catch your breath can do wonders for your psyche.
- Call a friend, sponsor, or trusted colleague and ask them how their day is going. Sometimes getting outside of ourselves can help our own stress.
- Go to a meeting.
- Go get a snack (remember HALT — Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired).
- Just remember everything is temporary. You are not alone.
Stay tuned for our next topic: Job Searching and Career Development.
Contributor: Sarah Alaimo, Founder of Elevate Consulting Collective
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