Missing The Point
Scrolling through Instagram recently I saw a notification for another new and improved sobriety coaching membership. I am all in favor of any group or club helping others explore sobriety. I was curious. The website listed familiar recovery logos, directly comparing them by cost, group size, and messaging.
Since when was selling sobriety like selling a gym membership? “At our gym, we limit the size of the classes, use only state-of-the-art equipment, and promise body transformation by using our proven 1-2-3 method. We are unlike those other gyms that cost x amount of money and use outdated equipment.” Ick!! No!
It felt political. If we bash the opponent and their agenda, then people will vote for us instead. The key word here is instead. It is as if the point is deciding which group to pledge allegiance to. I thought the point is to get and stay sober and build a path towards a new life. They are missing every fucking one of them.
Promoting or bashing one program of recovery over another is just not helpful. In fact, it’s counterproductive. Pointing out flaws in other people’s recovery methods only derails their good intent. Furthermore, blasting this information on social media may deter people from seeking help. It confuses people and scares them away. I don’t care if your method of recovery is to Hula-Hoop and drinking pickle juice. If it works for you, great. Keep going.
God Loves AND
My journey to recovery is a mixed bag. I incorporate methods from the twelve steps of AA, rational emotive behavioral therapy from SMART recovery, and shadow work based on Jungian psychology. I belong to various support groups like The Luckiest Club, Sober Mom Squad, and She Recovers. I even use books on creativity by Elizabeth Gilbert & Julia Cameron to help facilitate my recovery. I use fashion, friendships, humor, and travel. Prayer, meditation, and mindfulness practices are also a big part of me staying emotionally and spiritually sober. It’s not this or that. It’s this AND.
We are talking about addiction. We are talking about life and death. We aren’t pledging to a sorority here, folks. As a collective, we must be super careful about pushing our personal agenda and bias onto a vulnerable population of people struggling with addiction. I love to see various recovery methods find their voice but there is no right way to recover. There is only the right way for you. It’s an inside job. You won’t be left out of the miracle of recovery because you followed your heart. I encourage people to try everything. As Holly Whittaker says, “Throw the kitchen sink at it.”
I am a nurse coach and help others along their sober journey. Can you imagine if you clicked on my website only to see that I listed other coaches by name and compared my price and system with theirs? What would that say about me? Everything. It would say everything. One thing recovery has taught me in my six years living sober is, it’s not about me. And if I treat this whole spiritual journey like it’s my patent method of 1-2-3- recovery, then I missed the f*cking point too.
YOU’VE BEEN SELECTED: Kate Vitela has been an RN in the Pacific Northwest for over two decades. She has been sober since 2018. You’ve Been Selected is a column that describes her journey through addiction, eating disorders, and what is now known as Drunkorexia. The title comes from years of mandatory drug testing Kate endured after nearly ruining her nursing career due to alcohol. Kate recalls seeing these words appear on her phone each day she was chosen to randomly drug test to prove her sobriety to the nursing board.
Kate chronicles her struggle with body image, perfectionism, stigma, shame, and burnout throughout her career. She also turns this twisted narrative into triumph as she internalizes it as a sign from the universe to speak up and tell her story. Kate continues to work as a leader in the mental health nursing field and is studying to become a board-certified nurse coach.
In her free time, Kate is actively involved in the fashion industry in the PNW. She also serves on the board of the Break Free Foundation, which produces twice-annual shows for NYFW. She has been modeling for two years since starting the blog Walk Your Talk.
Follow along with Kate on IG @katevitela or email her directly at vitela.kate@gmail.com
SPEAK OUT! SPEAK LOUD! at The Sober Curator is a celebration of authentic voices in recovery—echoing Madonna’s call to “Express yourself!” Here, readers and contributors take the spotlight, sharing transformative sobriety journeys, creative talents, and new avenues of self-expression discovered along the way. Through videos, poems, art, essays, opinion pieces, and music, we break the silence that often surrounds addiction, replacing it with connection, hope, and inspiration.
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A Disco Ball is Hundreds of Pieces of Broken Glass, Put Together to Make a Magical Ball of Light. You are NOT Broken, Friend. You are a DISCO BALL!
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