Welcome to Step 4! How did Step 3 go? Step 3 is more straightforward for some than others with the mention of God, but it is a critical step for all of us. This step is one of the most challenging yet rewarding on our journey. It requires us to take a deep, honest look at ourselves, identifying our strengths, weaknesses, and behavior patterns.
The step reads, “We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” This step requires self-examination, honesty, and courage. When we examine the teachings of Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, we see that they also value taking an inventory of our shortcomings to understand our thinking and behavior better.
Bill W. gets to the core of this step in the Big Book, stating, “Without a fearless moral inventory, the faith that really works in daily living is still out of reach.” Not doing this work leaves unresolved issues in our lives that impact our relationship with a higher power, cloud our judgment in daily life, and can lead to relapse if not addressed.
Remembering the A.A. phrase “We are only as sick as our secrets” when working on this step is key. Yes, guilt, shame, and other icky feelings will arise, but we need to remember that this short-term pain has a significant positive impact on our future well-being. It’s time to set aside what we think is good for us today and give some love to our future selves.
This article aims to help us understand Step 4, learn practical tips for working on it, and connect it to Stoic principles. We must understand where to focus our efforts to address the thinking and behavior that kept us in the clutches of addiction, and Step 4 starts that process.
Practical Guide: Completing Your Step 4 Inventory
Step 4 can be intense, but with a straightforward approach, it does not need to be complicated. Do not let perfection be the enemy of good with this step. It is not a do-it-once-in-your-life-and-you-can-never-go-back type of effort. Do the best you can, and if you find lingering issues resurfacing in the future, Do It Again! It’s Free!
The idea is to write down any wrongs we have done to others and any resentments we may be holding onto. Reviewing and listing our actions, we build a roadmap to self-improvement. From the list, we can look deeper to determine what in our thinking or personality may have caused us to act hurtfully. For most, fear and resentment are the main feelings that cause us to act out. When we can identify the cause of our fears and resentments, we can start to address them. Here are some practical tips for working on this step.
1) Be Brutally Honest: Complete honesty is crucial. We must be as open and truthful as possible about our faults and virtues. We are inventorying and taking accountability for our actions only. Every story has two sides, but only one side counts in taking this step—ours! We MUST own our involvement and contributions in any scenario. We avoid blaming our behaviors on circumstances, other people, and anything else we try to shift blame to.
Bill W emphasizes, “The inventory was ours, not the other man’s. When we saw our faults, we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.”
2) Writing it Down: It is best to write down our inventory as part of the process. We can use a napkin, notebook, or loose paper. Writing it down gives us a record for now and the future to work with. Additionally, I recommend physically writing it down with a pen or pencil, as it gives the exercise a feel of accountability and connectedness versus typing it out on a computer. However, it is certainly not a requirement.
Regardless of how we do it, documenting our words and thoughts makes the process more structured and tangible, helping us systematically organize and reflect on our thoughts and behaviors. A structured approach is recommended, as our thoughts may be overwhelming. I have included a link below to a Step 4 worksheet that may help you get started.
3) Guidance from a Sponsor: Hopefully, you have a sponsor. If not, get one to help you through this and a few upcoming steps at minimum. A sponsor who has undergone the steps can offer guidance, support, and perspective. Knowing the actions required in upcoming steps, a sponsor can help ensure we complete this step thoroughly.
4) No Need to Rush: Taking the necessary time to complete this step thoroughly is essential, but finding a balance is also important. My point on not letting perfect be the enemy of good is not to avoid making a thorough and fearless moral inventory. It simply keeps us from getting stuck in the 4th step unnecessarily.
In my experiences working on the step and assisting others, we may start worrying about the work beyond the 4th step. We anticipate the embarrassment and shame we may feel when sharing our shortcomings with others. As a result, we may extend our work a little longer to avoid the next step and its unpleasantness. A sponsor can help push us through any self-made roadblocks.
5) Make it Manageable: Breaking down our fearless and moral inventory into manageable parts, such as resentments, fears, harm to others, and sexual conduct, can help tackle the task methodically. Someone shared this powerful and helpful advice with me when I sat down with a blank page and just stared at it.
Our thoughts can be widely scattered going into this step, and it can seem highly overwhelming if we have a long list in our inventory. If you feel overwhelmed, focus on one section at a time. Feel free to use a template like the one linked below or search online that suits your style.
6) Minimize Harsh Self-Judgment: While being critical in assessing our behavior and character traits is part of the inventory, the intent is not to tear ourselves down completely. Yes, we did terrible things. Does that make us bad people? Typically, no. Now that we are in recovery, we strive to be better people. We want to remember, not to excuse our behavior but to acknowledge it, that we were in the clutches of a wicked addiction that clouded our judgment and overrode our morals.
We are hard on ourselves to ensure we get an objective inventory, but there is zero value in continuing to flog ourselves for deeds done in the past. From now on, being a better person is the best way to reinforce our amends.
7) Seek Patterns: The key goal of this step is to identify patterns of behavior that have led to problems or distress in our lives. Are there poor behaviors that repeatedly show up because we are fearful, egotistical, or lack compassion? If so, these areas that keep resurfacing may become a priority for us to address and get better over time.
Some issues cause more harm to ourselves and others. We want to prioritize these because continued hurtful behavior will only add to the garbage we are trying to eliminate. Some deep-seated behavioral problems will be more uncomfortable than others, but we also gain the most benefit by attacking them first.
Summarizing the Tips: These recommendations are not exhaustive, as each of our inventories is personal. If you incorporate the guidance above into working step 4, you will have most of the major bases covered. Following the model A.A. provides, I only offer suggestions, and it is up to each of us individually to do the work.
Stoicism and Step 4: Courage and Self-Reflection
While all 12 steps have parallels with the ancient philosophy of Stoicism, Steps 4 and 10 have the most substantial connection. Like us in recovery, the Stoics always strived to become better versions of themselves through self-reflection. Let’s look at some common themes where we can use Stoic principles to enhance our recovery.
The Courage to Face Ourselves
Only the courageous embark on taking an honest inventory. We avoid self-reflection because it can be uncomfortable or even painful. However, facing the truth about us is essential for growth.
The Stoic philosopher Seneca wrote: “It is the power of the mind to be unconquerable. If it so resolves, it cannot be compelled.” These fancy words mean we have the power to overcome whatever we set our mind to. This is critical to our recovery work; most of us are the masters of excuse-making. We had excuses we used to explain our drinking, had excuses for why we could not stop, and often continued to have excuses to avoid doing the hard work in recovery.
When we decide to be courageous and face life’s challenges without excuses, we can train our minds to reject excuses. We cannot be compelled to think or act otherwise by continually training our minds that excuse-making is unacceptable. A.A. and Stoicism recognize that avoidance only prolongs suffering while facing reality head-on fosters freedom and strength.
Seneca also notes, “I will keep constant watch over myself and — most usefully — will put each day up for review. This makes us evil, that none of us look back upon our lives. We think about what we will do, yet our most important plans are neglected: how to behave well.”
Conquering Fear and Building Emotional Strength via Stoicism
We are far from alone when we experience fear or resistance when approaching Step 4. Our egos constantly try to protect us from embarrassment, shame, or other uncomfortable feelings. When doing the 4th step, these painful feelings and more are likely to surface.
Mustering courage and emphasizing the long-term benefits of our work, we can confront this fear and push through any resistance we may be experiencing. The Stoics remind us that fear is often exaggerated in our minds. Seneca teaches us, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
We have likely seen this play out repeatedly in our lives. How often have we dreaded doing something and realized it wasn’t that bad afterward? Approaching Step 4 with courage and an open mind will likely find us on the other side of the step, reflecting that it was less disturbing than we imagined.
Accountability and Compassion: Balancing Act in Recovery
Step 4 and the following steps ensure that we take accountability for our past to stabilize our recovery, but they also require self-compassion. We are not doing this work to punish ourselves but to understand and learn from our experiences. Trying to find the balance will cause some friction in our minds, but it is good friction. Seneca reminds us, “A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.”
Imperfections are part of the human experience and are not to be ashamed of. As long as we do our best to improve ourselves, we do not need to be hard on ourselves. Epictetus would agree, noting, “Be gentle with yourself; make it your endeavor to act justly and to speak the truth.”
Building Emotional Resilience: The Key to Long-Term Sobriety
Emotional resilience is a skill or character trait we build that allows us to deal positively with our emotions as they arise. This is the opposite of being in active addiction, where we are unable to manage strong feelings, and alcohol is our coping mechanism. Doing the fourth step helps us build emotional resilience. As we confront our fears, regrets, and insecurities, we become less controlled by them, and the next time we face these emotions, we are better prepared to manage them.
Marcus Aurelius observed: “You have been through many troubles, yet you are still here. Take courage, for it is the mind’s power to shape its own reality.” Both Step 4 and Stoicism teach that peace of mind requires action. By taking action with wisdom and courage, we begin to manage our discomfort in positive ways.
Conclusion: Achieving Freedom Through Step 4 and Stoic Principles
Working Step 4 requires us to be uncomfortable as we complete the self-assessment process. We must practice courage, honesty, and humility to complete this step effectively. By doing this work, we know we are on the path to clearing up the “wreckage of our past” noted in the A.A. Big Book. Through additional steps, we finish clearing it up and find that we have eliminated a significant burden on our minds, allowing us to focus on today and plan for a positive future.
From A.A. and Stoicism, we learn that true freedom comes from understanding ourselves and working towards becoming better people. Accepting responsibility for our lives and past actions is a key indicator that we are willing to do whatever it takes to remain sober.
Resources:
12stepper.org 4th Step Worksheet
12step.org Downloadable 4th step worksheet
12-Step STOICISM SERIES by Tony Harte:
- Finding Power in Powerlessness: Step 1 and Stoicism
- Finding a Higher Power & Stoic Wisdom | Step Two
- Step 3: Surrender, Stoicism & Your Higher Power in Recovery
- Step 4: Moral Inventory & Stoic Wisdom for Recovery
- Step 5 Guide: Admitting Wrongs & Finding Freedom
- AA Step 6: A Guide to Willingness and Change
- AA Step 7 Explained: The Power of Humility in Recovery
- Step 8: A Path to Healing and Accountability
- How Step 9 in AA Helps You Release Guilt, Build Trust and Find Peace
- AA Step 10: Maintaining Sobriety and Personal Growth
- Step 11: Deepening Spiritual Growth in Recovery
- Step 12 and the Stoic Connection: Finding Purpose in Recovery
STOICISM: The STOICISM section of The Sober Curator explores how ancient philosophy can be a powerful tool for modern recovery. Led by Sober Curator Contributors Derek Castleman and Tony Harte, this space dives into the principles of Stoicism and how they can help navigate the challenges of sobriety.
Derek, a writer, educator, scientist, and data analyst, battled addiction and bipolar disorder for over 15 years before achieving recovery in 2018. While 12-Step Programs provided his foundation, it was the philosophy of Stoicism that became the key to his sobriety and sanity. From mental hospitals to rehab, county jail to sober living, his journey is a testament to the power of resilience, acceptance, and self-discipline.
Tony, on the other hand, has been sober for 35 years and proves that you’re never too old to discover new ways to heal and grow. After a wild ride through addiction—including jail time, DUIs, and near-death experiences—he hit rock bottom in a hospital bed in 1989. That moment became his wake-up call, leading him deep into recovery and an endless search for spiritual meaning. Though he explored nearly every religion and philosophy, it wasn’t until he stumbled upon Stoicism that everything clicked. Now, as a self-proclaimed spiritual gangster, Tony blends ancient philosophy with real-world experience, sharing Stoic insights and practical recovery advice through his blog.
Together, Derek and Tony bring Stoicism to life, showing how its core principles—reason, virtue, and acceptance—can guide those in recovery toward strength, peace, and purpose. Through their contributions to The Sober Curator, they’re proving that no matter where you are on your journey, wisdom and transformation are always within reach.
