SPEAK OUT! SPEAK LOUD!: The following is a piece written and submitted by Gary Schwind. This is the section of our website where our readers and contributors take center stage, sharing their transformative sobriety journeys.
I’m new to the sober lifestyle, with less than a year of alcohol-free days. (I do know the exact number. I write it next to the date at the top of every journal entry.) However, while I can’t boast several years of sobriety, I have learned some things that I think are especially useful to those who are early on their journey of sobriety or those who are considering going sober. Specifically, I feel it’s important to know that every journey to sobriety is different and may not resemble the situation typically portrayed in movies and television shows.
There are similar threads whenever you see a movie or show about someone (or some group of people) who has gone sober. The character has some life-changing (often tragic) event that gets identified as “rock bottom.” From that point on, the character realizes that they cannot allow themselves to have so much as another sip of alcohol for the rest of their life. It probably does happen like that for some people. I won’t try to dispute that. But I have learned a couple of things on these topics.
First, while rock bottom might be where some people declare their sobriety, there is an angle that isn’t always portrayed in TV and movies, namely, that it is possible (and perhaps even likely) to fall right through rock bottom (as illustrated in the song “Seek Advice Elsewhere” by Off With Their Heads)—multiple times. You can have a moment where it’s hard to imagine yourself getting lower. But then, sometime later, you may find yourself in a spot equally low or lower. I can tell you that is true for me. If my life were a movie, I can tell you unequivocally what would be portrayed as the rock-bottom moment that inspired me to quit drinking forever. And while I stopped drinking for a bit after that, I guess I wasn’t quite ready to step away from it entirely, even though I should have been. It’s also important to note that if you decide to quit drinking, I hope it’s not the result of some tragic event that is frequently portrayed in TV shows and movies.
The other thing I’ve realized is that the decision to stop drinking must be your decision and can only happen when you are ready for it. Granted, there might be some external compulsion (a court order, assignment to rehab) where you are forced to quit drinking at least for a while. But how many times have you seen or heard stories of people who relapsed even after a court-ordered stay in a sober living facility? A court can order you to stay away from alcohol, but no matter what the circumstances, the decision must come from you because you are ready to move on from this addiction.
So, what led me to this juncture if it wasn’t One Big Moment, known as rock bottom? Well, it was a combination of factors. Last year, a friend told me that he was taking a break from alcohol for at least 100 days. I decided to follow his lead and go at least 100 days (starting in January 2023) without any alcohol. And I did. I went 110 days without a drop of alcohol, which was probably my longest streak ever. But ultimately, I relapsed and returned to drinking pretty much every day.
I had already planned to take another break of at least 100 days starting in January of 2024. At the same time, I started reading Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty. Early in the book, Shetty encourages readers to audit their discretionary spending. It isn’t meant to be a budget exercise. It’s intended to show what’s important to you and what gets your time and money. I can assure you that it can be shocking and intimidating to see the number of dollars you spend on alcohol in a given period. I only wrote down expenses for a month (across December and January), and I saw a lot of entries (sometimes multiple places on the same day) where I spent $20 or $30 on alcohol. You don’t need to be an accountant to know that adds up. In other words, in the process of auditing my life, I realized that alcohol wasn’t really in the budget. It certainly wasn’t within the budget to the extent that I had allowed it at the time.
Also, in January 2024, I was going through a challenge on the Insight Timer app. It was a reflective version of a “new year, new me” challenge to start the year. The challenge spanned 28 days, and the most significant part was to look inward and see how you could become the best version of yourself. Part of becoming the best version of yourself was to think about what habits or even people you could leave behind as the new year began. Again, it wasn’t one big moment where I listened to the daily challenge and thought, “That’s it for me. I’m never drinking again.”
Between the book and the Insight Timer challenge, it’s fair to say that I was doing a lot of overdue soul-searching. One day, my sons kicked the soccer ball with friends at the park. As they played, I walked around the park. This was on day 28. I remember because it occurred to me that I had gone through one entire lunar cycle without alcohol. My soul-searching continued as I walked. I thought about all the time and money I’ve spent on alcohol. You don’t realize how much time commitment it is when you’re deep in a habit. For example, with me, there was time spent texting friends to see where they were drinking, getting to the location, and drinking my share (often more than I should have allowed myself).
I won’t lie. I knew that the Total Wine near me closed at 10 pm. It was a regular practice for me to go there after my sons went to bed to get a tall boy (usually the strongest beer for the lowest price) I would take on my nightly walk. And then, of course, there was the coming down. That’s one thing that the entertainment business gets right – the amount of time it takes you to recover when your mind thinks you’re still in your 20s and your body reminds you that you are well beyond that. And what did I get from all that time and money spent in the pursuit of alcohol? Sure, I had some good times with friends, but I don’t remember any of those times. On that rainy day, it occurred to me that I had spent all that time, money, and effort for nothing more than a good buzz. That’s it.
As I have continued along the sober path, I have continued my soul searching, which is a vital part of any attempt at personal growth. This soul-searching led me to one more epiphany. I realized that drinking was an escape and not a fun escape like an amusement park. No, it was an escape from me. It was an escape from life. Any occasion was an occasion to drink. Rough day at work? Drink. Weekend? I only had two days from work, so I should be buzzed for most of them. Holiday? Sounds like a good reason to start drinking early. Weeknight? Sure, have several drinks. How else would I numb the dread of another oncoming workday unless I drank until midnight or 1:00? You get the idea.
I don’t write this to proselytize people to sober living or to persuade them to follow a path like the one I have chosen. As I mentioned, only you can make that decision for yourself. I am writing to share what I have learned and hope it will be helpful or pertinent to you.
If you’re thinking about quitting alcohol, know that you can do it. It will require taking a hard look at yourself, which is not easy work. The truth is that you may not like what you see inside yourself. However, that self-examination is a better alternative than trying to drown the parts of yourself that you don’t like. If you decide that you’ve had enough alcohol and you stick with whatever method you choose, know that you and those close to you will come out better for it.
Disclaimer: All opinions expressed in the Speak Out! Speak Loud! Section are solely the opinions of the contributing author of each individual published article and do not reflect the views of The Sober Curator, their respective affiliates, or the companies with which The Sober Curator is affiliated.
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