I first heard about the Ette Hotel six months after it opened in June of 2022. An upscale, wellness-focused hotel, and proudly alcohol-free? I immediately knew I had to get there. I wasn’t exactly sure where Kissimmee, Florida, was or how to pronounce it (emphasis on the second syllable, it turns out), but I was scheming to go. How many times had I been to an alc-free property beside a church camp, a hippie oasis, or a retreat center screaming cult? Probably never.
I finally got there in May of 2024. Kissimmee sprawls into Orlando, and I was surprised to find this wellness hotel on a giant avenue amongst big box stores and giant Disney-themed gift shops. There was a pricey perfume bar in the lobby and a Peloton bike in my suite. I went to dinner the first night at Salt & the Cellar, their Asian/Mediterranean fine dining restaurant overseen by Chef Akira Back. The server handed me a cocktail menu. “Uh, these are real cocktails?” I asked, completely thrown off my dry property high. Yup. Just the week before, hotel management had caved.
“But you can still get them all as mocktails,” the server said.
Normal drinkers might not understand the crushing disappointment I felt. As the server pointed out, they still had mocktails galore. I wasn’t going to die of thirst. But can’t we have one beautiful property in this country where alcohol is absent?
I asked the server why they’d given up being a dry property two years in. Because so many tables were getting up and leaving when they found out they couldn’t order a drink, he told me. Excellent food and atmosphere be damned—if there’s no alcohol, it must not be dinner. The restaurant was pretty empty during my three nights there. But there were a few people at the bar. They chatted eagerly with the bartender about cocktails. Prohibition had finally been lifted.
Activities in Kissimmee
Most people come to Kissimmee to visit theme parks. I felt both silly and peeved to have come to write about a dry hotel that was no longer dry. But after my initial disappointment, I set out to make the most of what Kissimmee had to offer.
In line with the wellness hotel, my itinerary aimed at the more relaxing side of Theme Park Central. I only visited one theme park—Discovery Cove. Instead of featuring roller coasters, Discovery Cove is a kind of water park/zoo/aquarium where you’re in the water with the animals. You can relax on beaches beside artificial lagoons or rent a private cabana. People show up in the morning and hang out all day, getting in and out of three water-based attractions and lounging between dips.
My favorite part was snorkeling in the Grand Reef. This Disneyfied version of a reef features brightly painted fake coral and sea life that won’t hurt you. As a ray lover, I was thrilled to swim with enormous eagle rays (up to 290 pounds!), shovelnose rays, and a pink-lipped stingray. Even though it’s hot in Florida, everyone wears shorty wetsuits at the reef because the water is kept on the chillier side. The warmer lazy river freshwater attraction was also fabulous. You float on a pool noodle right into an aviary with fancy-feathered birds from around the world. I felt more mixed about the dolphin lagoon, where people paid extra to swim with dolphins. These creatures are too intelligent to have to put up with starring in hokey performances, and the Humane Society and PETA thoroughly hate dolphin attractions. But if you want to partake, Discovery Cove’s dolphins seem to have pretty good, albeit captive, lives.
I was excited to go out in a natural swamp with non-captive gators at Boggy Creek Airboat Adventures. This 32-acre park has a butterfly garden, gator lagoon, stocked fossil and gem mine, and airboat rides. An aircraft-type propeller drives these flat-bottomed watercraft through Lake Tohopekaliga. I arrived on a stormy day. A nerve-wracking strobe light continuously flashed, warning that the storm was too close for airboats to venture out. I hung around for two hours, seeing if conditions would improve. Alas, no luck. Captain Wayne Corbitt told me about what I might have seen had the weather been better: gators, snakes, bald eagles, and migratory birds. Passengers come from around the world to see “real Florida,” he told me, especially alligators. “They give that natural fear for people. And deservedly so. They are dangerous animals. But for the most part, they try to get away from you in the wild.” Boggy Creek also offers nighttime tours between May and October, so you can see what the giant reptiles get up to in the dark.
I also visited the strange, planned community of Celebration. In the mid-‘90s, the Walt Disney Company founded this development within Kissimmee to showcase what’s best about small-town America. It’s squeaky clean, with friendly businesses, a mix of different styles of condos and houses, and eight miles of scenic trails meandering around lakes. Celebration is a pleasant place to walk or rent a bike. While residents can only paint their houses with specific approved colors, people always rebel in weird ways. I heard a report of folks throwing whole chickens at the small gators living in Celebration’s lake. Don’t do this when you visit!
Food and drink
The Kissimmee area is spread out, and I didn’t have a car. But it was easy to get around by Uber. My favorite restaurant was Twenty Pho Hour, a punny pho restaurant that claims to be “America’s first 2D noodle bar.” The interior walls are covered with black and white line drawings to simulate dining in a 2D world. I also had excellent Cuban food at Columbia Restaurant in Celebration and Estefan Kitchen Orlando. Owned by Gloria Estefan, this place is loud and flashy. I was there on a weeknight, and a piano player sang songs in Spanish onstage. I’m sure it kicks off on weekends with a full-on light show and even louder music. I recommend the lentil stew with tostones, plantain strips with guacamole, and a passionfruit non-alcoholic mojito. They have several fruity mocktails on the menu.
Still a lovely hotel
Despite my disappointment that the Ette started serving alcohol, it’s still a lovely hotel. There’s a nice outdoor pool, a spa where you can get a massage and an excellent gym. The restaurant has a separate vegan menu from the regular one. The mocktail list is extensive, expensive (mostly $22-$26, with one priced at $46), and creative. A server convinced me to order the Moonchild, a mocktail made with watermelon shrub and lavender. It comes in a little round globe-shaped vessel with a reusable straw sticking out a hole in one side and a sprig of lavender sticking out the other. It’s served on a chilled black plate surrounded by hay. The server held up a silver vessel with a long spout and poured lavender oil round and round on the hay. I think dry ice was involved because lavender clouds billowed out for an aromatherapy benefit. I drank it in five sips, but my memories of the presentation live on.
I found Ette a bit of a paradox. An upscale, wellness-focused hotel plopped down in a town of giant avenues, big box stores, and amusement parks. From talking to staff, I gleaned that people like the hotel because it’s close to Disney but a retreat from Disney. Guests get to play at theme parks during the day, then retreat to a pleasant hotel experience at night. While I saw a kid or two at Ette, it’s not a kid-focused hotel. Staff told me that Ette is especially popular with people from Brazil and other parts of South America. It would be an excellent place for amusement park-loving couples without children or a girlfriend getaway.
Disclaimer: While this article was not sponsored, Teresa visited Kissimmee during a press trip with Experience Kissimmee and its partners. As always, The Sober Curator operates independently, which doesn’t influence our coverage.
About Teresa Bergen
Teresa Bergen had the great good fortune to quit drinking very young and has enjoyed long-term sobriety. She lives in Portland, Oregon but travels all over the world as a travel writer. She also works in the oral history field, helping to document and preserve history. Learn more HERE.
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