When I first began to follow Stoicism, I remember talking with people in my life about my decision to dedicate myself to the philosophy. Their reactions generally fell into two categories.
The first group of people were concerned that by dedicating myself to Stoicism, I was committing to a life of emotional suppression. What they did not realize was that they were confusing stoic—someone who suppresses or hides their emotions—with Stoic—someone who follows the philosophy of Stoicism.
Stoicism does not teach us to suppress our emotions. Rather, it encourages us to cultivate healthy and constructive emotions while learning how to respond wisely to the challenges that often give rise to unnecessary suffering. The Stoics celebrated feelings such as joy, gratitude, love, and tranquility, while providing practical tools for managing fear, anger, anxiety, and other destructive emotions.
Seneca captures this idea when he writes, “What is happiness? It is peace and tranquility. Greatness of soul will give this; the virtue that produces consistency will give this.” Elsewhere, he advises, “Two elements must therefore be rooted out once for all—the fear of future suffering and the recollection of past suffering; since the latter no longer concerns me, and the former concerns me not yet.” For the Stoics, the goal was not emotional numbness, but a state of inner peace that comes from focusing on the present moment and responding to life with wisdom and virtue.
The other group of people wondered why anyone living in the modern world would choose to follow a philosophy that is more than two thousand years old. To be fair, I can understand their skepticism. Stoicism was one of the first philosophies I encountered, and at the time I had little basis for comparison.
Since then, I have spent years exploring other philosophical traditions, from Ancient Greece and Rome to schools of thought that emerged throughout the centuries. While I found value in many of them, none resonated with me as deeply as Stoicism. No other philosophy has had the same profound impact on the way I think, the way I approach challenges, or the way I strive to live my life. The more I studied other perspectives, the more I came to appreciate the enduring wisdom and practical guidance that Stoicism offers.
Stoicism is a philosophy of life. A philosophy of life is the framework through which we understand the world and determine how we ought to live within it. It provides direction, shapes our values, and gives meaning to our actions. It is the overarching purpose that guides why we live each day as we do, why we pursue certain goals, and why we dismiss others as unimportant.
Whether we realize it or not, everyone has a philosophy of life. Our beliefs, priorities, and decisions are all rooted in some understanding of what matters most. The difference is that many people never take the time to examine what their philosophy is, where it came from, or whether it is truly serving them.
The reason I chose Stoicism as my philosophy of life is that it teaches our purpose is to live in accordance with Nature—or, more specifically, with human nature. The Stoics believed that to live according to Nature, we must live virtuously. However, the Greek word often translated as virtue is arete, a term that is perhaps better understood as excellence. In this sense, Stoicism teaches that our purpose is to strive to become the best version of ourselves that we can be. And if you ask me, that is a goal that does not change with time. The circumstances and conditions of our lives may evolve, but human nature remains remarkably consistent. We still seek meaning, struggle with adversity, build relationships, and strive to live well, which is why the wisdom of Stoicism remains just as relevant today as it was two thousand years ago.
According to the Stoics, what distinguishes human beings is our capacity for reason and our deeply social nature. Our ability to think, reflect, and make deliberate choices is a defining characteristic of who we are. At the same time, we are inherently social creatures, having built complex communities and societies throughout history. To live according to our Nature, then, is to cultivate excellence in both how we think and how we interact with others.
From a Stoic perspective, this means striving to use our rational minds wisely and directing our actions toward the common good. It means pursuing excellence in our character, our decisions, and our relationships. In the simplest terms, Stoicism teaches us to work each day toward becoming the best version of ourselves that we can be—living with wisdom, integrity, and a commitment to contributing positively to the world around us.
It can seem like a daunting task to live life this way. At first, it can feel overwhelming. Where do I start? How do I grow toward this goal? After spending years struggling with alcoholism, living selfishly and doing whatever I wanted, embracing this way of life required a complete change in direction.
The good thing about Stoicism is that it not only gives us the goal of excellence of character, but it also provides a map for how to get there. This map is drawn from the Four Cardinal Virtues of Stoicism, also known as the Pillars: courage, justice, temperance, and wisdom. The idea is that living with these four virtues, someone should be able to live a life of excellence of character.
Wisdom
Stoicism teaches us that wisdom begins by distinguishing between what is up to us and what is not.
Donald Robertson
At the heart of Stoicism is an idea closely echoed in the Serenity Prayer: there are things within our control and things beyond it. Our task is to make the best use of what is within our power, while learning to accept what is not. True wisdom lies in being able to clearly distinguish between the two.
This is part of why I believe Stoicism can be so valuable in recovery. When you live by the principles expressed in the Serenity Prayer, you are already taking some of the first steps toward what Stoicism calls a virtuous life. Practicing this kind of wisdom requires engaging your rational mind—carefully sorting what is up to you from what is not—and responding accordingly.
In doing so, you begin to live in alignment with Nature, using reason as it was meant to be used, and moving steadily toward a more grounded and intentional way of life.
Temperance
Remember that you must behave in life as at a dinner party. Is anything brought around to you? Put out your hand and take your share with moderation.
Epictetus – Enchiridion: 15
Temperance is the art of self-control and moderation. Another reason I feel this philosophy is especially meaningful for those of us in recovery is that we’ve come to recognize that we do not have control when we are using our drug of choice, and that recovery requires us to rebuild and practice the discipline of self-control.
The Stoics believed that excess in anything is harmful, and that we lose sight of our rational mind when we consume or engage in things without moderation. Even activities like exercise or work can become unhealthy when taken to extremes. Life, as they saw it, requires balance.
For those of us in recovery, this becomes an important safeguard against cross-addiction. We already understand that we have an addictive mind, and we must remain mindful of it. Practicing temperance helps us keep that tendency in check by intentionally cultivating balance, restraint, and self-awareness in all areas of life.
Justice
To do harm is to do yourself harm. To do injustice is to injure yourself.
Marcus Aurelius – Meditations: 9.4
As social creatures, the Stoics believed it is essential that we consider our actions and the impact they have on others. In fact, they taught that when we act in ways that harm others, we ultimately harm ourselves as well, because it pulls us away from living a life of excellence in character.
This idea should make sense for those of us in recovery. In active addiction, we often engaged in behaviors that caused harm not only to those around us, but to ourselves as well. The Stoic insight is that these are not separate injuries—they are one and the same. This is also why the process of making amends in the Steps is so important. It gives us a structured way to acknowledge harm, repair relationships where possible, and begin healing ourselves in the process.
Ultimately, justice in Stoicism is not abstract—it is practical and lived. When we commit ourselves to actions that benefit others, we begin to see more clearly what we ought to do in any given situation. In that clarity, we move closer to excellence of character and a more intentional way of living.
Courage
He who is brave is free.
Seneca
It takes courage to do the right thing. It takes courage to live a life of excellence. Even the Serenity Prayer reminds us that it takes courage to act on the things we can change.
The Stoics understood that the other three pillars would collapse without courage to put them into practice. It takes courage to live with moderation and to confront addiction honestly. It takes courage to recognize the right thing to do in a given situation and commit yourself to doing it. And it takes courage to consistently use your rational mind in every area of life.
Ultimately, that kind of courage is what sets us free. When we act in accordance with what we know is right, we can live with integrity and go to sleep at night in peace, knowing we have committed ourselves to a life of purpose and excellence.
Intertwined Pillars
The pillars are not separate in any real sense; they are deeply interconnected and often work together in everything we do. In many situations, we are drawing on multiple virtues at once.
We need wisdom to understand what we should embrace and what we should avoid in order to live with moderation. We also rely on wisdom to discern the just course of action. At the same time, we must consider the impact our choices have on others—an expression of justice—when deciding how to moderate our behavior in life.
And as I noted above, it ultimately takes courage to put all of these virtues into practice.
I chose Stoicism as my philosophy of life because I needed guidance in my recovery. I had been living life the wrong way and needed to learn how to live in a new way. The Four Pillars gave me a framework for doing that, and as I mentioned above, much of what they teach can also be found in other recovery programs.
Ultimately, I found it to be an admirable goal to strive each day to become the best version of myself in whatever situation I face. I can go to sleep at night knowing I did the best I could, and wake up the next day with the opportunity to do even better.
I hope you found this brief journey into Stoicism insightful. Whether or not this philosophy is for you, I encourage you to take time to reflect on your own philosophy of life—why you do what you do, why you believe what you believe, and how you know you are living the life you are meant to live. Because ultimately, everyone deserves the opportunity to live a life that feels intentional, meaningful, and aligned with who they truly want to be each and every day.
The STOICISM section of The Sober Curator explores how ancient philosophy can become a powerful guide in modern recovery. Led by contributors Derek Castleman and Tony Harte, this space unpacks the principles of Stoicism—reason, virtue, and acceptance—and shows how they can help navigate the challenges of sobriety.
Derek, the Sober Stoic, is a writer, educator, scientist, and data analyst, battled addiction and bipolar disorder for over 15 years before finding lasting recovery in 2018. While 12-Step programs gave him a foundation, Stoicism became the key to his sobriety and mental stability.
Tony, Founder of A Stoic Sobriety, with 35 years sober, discovered Stoicism after a lifetime of recovery work and spiritual exploration. A self-proclaimed “spiritual gangster,” he blends ancient philosophy with lived experience, offering practical, grounded wisdom.
Together, Derek and Tony prove that no matter where you are on your recovery journey, the timeless wisdom of Stoicism can lead to strength, peace, and purpose.
SPIRITUAL GANGSTER: at The Sober Curator is a haven for those embracing sobriety with a healthy dose of spiritual sass. This space invites you to dive into meditation, astrology, intentional living, philosophy, and personal reflection—all while keeping your feet (and your sobriety) firmly on the ground. Whether you’re exploring new spiritual practices or deepening an existing one, Spiritual Gangster offers inspiration, insight, and a community that blends mindful living with alcohol-free fun.
SPIRITUAL GANGSTER: How Do You Feel About The Serenity Prayer? Here Are 10 Serenity Prayer Alternatives
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Do Stoics suppress their emotions?
No. Stoicism does not teach people to suppress or hide their emotions. Instead, it encourages people to cultivate healthy emotions like joy, gratitude, love, and tranquility while learning how to respond wisely to fear, anger, anxiety, and other destructive emotions.
What are the Four Pillars of Stoicism?
The Four Pillars of Stoicism, also known as the Four Cardinal Virtues, are wisdom, temperance, justice, and courage. Together, they offer a practical framework for building character, making better choices, and living with more purpose and integrity.
How can Stoicism support addiction recovery?
Stoicism can support addiction recovery by helping people focus on what they can control, accept what they cannot, practice self-restraint, repair harm, and act with courage. These ideas closely align with recovery principles, including the Serenity Prayer and the work of rebuilding a meaningful life after addiction.
Why is Stoicism still relevant today?
Stoicism is still relevant because human nature has not changed as much as the world around us has. People still face fear, loss, uncertainty, relationships, hardship, temptation, and the search for meaning. Stoicism offers timeless tools for meeting those challenges with reason, discipline, and purpose.
What does wisdom mean in Stoicism?
In Stoicism, wisdom begins with knowing the difference between what is within your control and what is not. This idea is closely connected to the Serenity Prayer and is especially useful in recovery, where learning what belongs to you — and what does not — is essential.
What does temperance mean in recovery?
Temperance means moderation, self-control, and balance. In recovery, temperance can help guard against cross-addiction and the tendency to replace one unhealthy behavior with another. It is about practicing restraint and staying aware of addictive patterns in all areas of life.
Why is justice important in Stoicism and recovery?
Justice in Stoicism means considering how your actions affect others and choosing to live in a way that contributes to the common good. In recovery, this connects naturally to making amends, repairing relationships when possible, and recognizing that harming others also harms your own character.
Why does courage matter in Stoicism?
Courage is what allows the other virtues to become action. It takes courage to face addiction honestly, practice moderation, make amends, accept what cannot be changed, and keep choosing integrity even when it is uncomfortable.
