The other day, I was browsing my LinkedIn feed and came across an illustration that caught my eye. There were three glass jars, all the same size. Each jar had a black ball inside. The first jar’s ball was big enough to occupy the whole jar. The second jar’s ball was smaller, and the third was tiny. It appeared that the ball in the jars was shrinking over time. A caption underneath the illustration read, “People tend to believe that grief shrinks over time.”
Underneath the illustration was a second set of jars. This time, the jars increased from the smallest to the largest. Like the previous illustration, a black ball was inside each jar, but the balls were all the same size. The ball filled the entire space in the first jar, but as the jars increased, the space inside became larger, as if the jar was growing around the ball. The caption underneath this illustration read, “What happens is that we grow around our grief.”
I’ve experienced grief. We all have to some degree.
People grieve for different reasons and circumstances. Some grieve when their favorite restaurant closes down, others grieve the loss of a pet, and most take time to grieve after the end of a relationship.
What about a parent who grieves for the loss of a child? As a father of two daughters, I can’t even fathom what losing one of my daughters would feel like. I get a pit in my stomach just thinking about it. What would that do to me? I feel like every fabric of my being would be torn to shreds. I can’t imagine the pain would ever go away. It would become a part of me, like an organ or an appendage. I would carry it with me until the day I died.
In theory, I agree with the illustration’s message. It offers some context to the unfathomable.
But what if your child were murdered?
Would that make a difference? Would that change things? What if that murder was preventable? Would that make the grief even worse? I hope to God that I never find out. I hope you never find out. Unfortunately, chances are that one of us will because it happens daily.
It is happening mainly in part because of the deadly synthetic drug fentanyl.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve heard of fentanyl. Most likely, you know someone who has either died from fentanyl poisoning or, at the very least, someone who has been affected by it in some way.
Kids are dying, and families are being torn apart, and not nearly enough is being done to address it. You’re probably mistaken if you don’t think it’s happening in your neighborhood. Most people associate the word overdose with fallen rock stars or hopeless junkies living in the street with a dirty needle dangling from their arm. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Your kid doesn’t have to be a drug addict to die of Fentanyl poisoning. It doesn’t matter. Not anymore. It’s everywhere, and complacency is fentanyl’s greatest ally. It’s not only being found in the hard stuff. It’s being found in “legal” drugs like marijuana. Unless the drugs are prescribed by a doctor or come from a reputable dispensary, you’re playing Russian Roulette.
Remember that scene in The Deer Hunter? Your kid is Christopher Walken, the gun is the party your kid is going to tonight, and the lone bullet in the chamber is that Xanax laced with fentanyl that your kid is trying for the first time because his/her friend said it’s harmless.
Here are some not-so-fun facts about Fentanyl gathered from USA Facts, the CDC, and Get Sure.
- Fentanyl is 50-100 times stronger than heroin or morphine.
- In 2022, fentanyl was responsible for approximately 73,838 preventable deaths.
- In 2022, fentanyl caused about 200 deaths per day.
- Accidental overdose is now the 2nd leading cause of death among young people.
According to the Texas Department of Public Safety, Texas law enforcement has seized more than 505 million lethal doses of fentanyl across the state. That is enough fentanyl to kill every man, woman, and child in the United States.
It’s simple math. FENTANYL = DEATH
One of the things I do in my profession is facilitate free Naloxone training throughout the community. Naloxone, also known as Narcan, is a drug used to reverse the effects of opioid overdose. It comes in a nasal spray, is extremely easy to administer, and is small enough to carry in your pocket or purse. Everyone should be trained to use Narcan in an emergency. It saves lives.
At the end of the training, there are usually questions. The question I get asked the most is, “Why would a drug dealer want to put fentanyl in their product if it can kill their clients. Isn’t that bad business?”
The answer is relatively simple, and the thinking behind it is, at best, cold and brutal. Fentanyl is highly potent and cheap. Adding it to the drugs being sold makes it more powerful and more profitable for the seller. Fentanyl is also highly addicting, which gives them a better chance at repeat customers. The only downside for the seller is the customer might die, but that’s a chance they are willing to take. High risk, high reward, right? To a drug dealer, that is good business.
In my 14 years of recovery, I have been to my not-so-fair share of wakes and funerals for both kids and adults alike, and there will be plenty more. I often hear an expression in recovery that says, “Sometimes you have to step over the bodies.” That’s an expression that should be reserved for the battlefield. We live on the battlefield, and fentanyl is a weapon of mass destruction.
I serve on a local community coalition that works tirelessly to make sure that parents and kids are educated on the dangers of drugs and alcohol. The coalition comprises diverse community members. There are school administrators, social workers, teachers, police officers, local merchants, politicians, parents of students, parents who have lost loved ones to fentanyl poisoning, and me as a peer advocate. Most of our time these days is spent talking about fentanyl and how it’s spreading through our communities like a deadly, metastasizing cancer. We do our best to utilize our collective resources to try and eradicate it.
I can go on and on about how screwed up all of this is and why we must do more to combat the harbinger of death that is fentanyl, but my words will most likely fall on deaf ears. No clever illustration can adequately describe personal grief. Grief does not have to be a mandatory requirement in a parent’s job description, but unfortunately, it is an occupational hazard. While it’s virtually impossible to live a whole life without experiencing grief at some point, there are things we can do to lessen the chances of grief that could have been prevented.
There has to be a beacon, but the only way we will ever affect change is to act. No one expects you to crusade against the fentanyl crisis as your life’s mission. It doesn’t have to be your sole purpose in this life, but sitting on our hands mustn’t be an option. There are things we can do to help spread awareness to prevent more useless Fentanyl poisonings from happening in our backyards.
A mentor once told me, “If you’re not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.”
This is the call-to-action part. Join your local community coalition and make your voice heard. Contact your local state agency or law enforcement to learn how to get trained in administering Naloxone. Talk to your children honestly about the dangers of using substances and educate them on fentanyl. Please write a letter to your local politicians to find out their plan to deal with the opioid crisis. Please write to your local Superintendent of schools and ask what steps are being taken to educate their students on the dangers of misusing alcohol and substances. Talk to a drug and alcohol professional to find out means of prevention and harm reduction practices to address substance use disorder at its early stages. Pick one thing, and you’ll be a part of the solution.
A community that works together always wins.
Available Resources:
SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
877-SAMHSA-7 or samhsa.gov
Family and Children’s Association
516-756-0350 or fcali.org
LICADD – Long Island Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence
631-979-1700 or licadd.org
NASADAD – National Association of State Alcohol and Drug Abuse Directors
202-293-0090 or nasadad.org
Partnership to End Addiction
855-378-4373 or drugfree.org
Fentanyl United Crisis Coalition
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