The first time I had a drink to get drunk was when I was about 10 years old. My parents ordered me a pizza, I had a pitcher of Kool-Aid and full control of the remote control. It had been a hard week of being teased and bullied and like the adults, I wanted to unwind and enjoy the weekend.
Once alone I poured myself a drink, poured a bit of rum, and sat down to watch The Love boat with a slice of pepperoni pizza. I felt so grown-up, dealing with my problems with a drink. The only thing I discovered after several drinks are that you get a horrible hang-over in the morning.
I do not know if my parents ever found out, but I remembered when I was 17 how good it felt to be drunk. So, I had my second drinking night to forget the problems that the world was throwing my way.
Since I was young, I wanted to have a Quinceañera. The closets I had gotten to it was being part of the escort for many of my girlfriends that did have one. I wanted folks to fuss over me, to be the center of the dance, and to wear a fancy suit or a pretty dress.
I was diagnosed with HIV in September 2000 and would be celebrating my 15th anniversary in September 2015. That year was also when I was diagnosed with anal cancer. I was not up to getting a party together, so I celebrated with a cake and friends at a buffet restaurant I liked.
On June 21, 2007, I went to rehab for alcohol and drugs. What could have been the worst time turned out to be the best summer of my life. I was at Bay Area Recovery Center in Dickinson, Texas for 32 days. I stayed two more days because I didn’t want to leave on a Wednesday and waited until Friday.
I say with pride that rehab is where I grew up, where I became a man, and where I found out who I wanted to be in this world. What I wanted to put into the stream of life, the kind of friend I wanted to be, and for once do something good for myself.
I wanted my family to see me doing well, have a goal, and be proud of me. I took to sobriety, I did well not drinking, not doing drugs, and I even quit smoking. But there would still be challenges, not everything was pretty, and some miracles took time to manifest.
I wanted to put on a dress, and a wig, and get some photos taken. It was not possible that year, but the idea stayed in my head. I would have to wait for the next time I would celebrate my 15th anniversary. When I thought about my 15th Recovery birthday, I knew this was my chance!
I had a wig from an event years before, I bought a dress and a tiara. I wanted photos and called a friend that knew me well to take them. A celebration would have to wait but I wanted to celebrate the day by me getting dressed up. I was going to have my Quinceañera!
Close to 100 photos were taken. By a fountain, on a bench, and even in an alley. All were very well taken but they didn’t, in my mind, reflect my journey in Recovery. Until towards the end of the shoot I sat on a stairway. The steps were dirty and seems a bit confined. That was my life in Recovery!
The stairs represent the steps, my boots represent Texas, where I got clean & sober, and my sitting at the bottom of the steps represents the start of my journey. I wore a pretty blush dress, a long wing, and a tiara to represent the beauty that Recovery has brought to my life.
Now I didn’t do this alone. I must thank my Sponsors, my family & friends, and my partner, Christian. The folks that have come and gone, the folks that gave me a chance, and the ones that didn’t. I am grateful for the wins, the losses, and the miracles that have not happened. I have learned from the laughter, and the tears, and lived through pain.
On June 21, 2022, I had my Quinceañera photo shoot. I felt pretty, confident, and powerful.
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3 Comments
Beautiful story. Thank you for sharing your truth.
Thank you for reading.
Congragulatins! What a beautiful example of surviving and rising above whatever is thrown one’s way! So inspiring!
Additionally I love your story and your lovely picture. Your beautifully detailed explanation of your picture’s various aspects and what each represents is perfect and makes so much sense!
Keep on keeping on, those other miracles are just around the corner! 😊