Congratulations! You have worked hard to get to AA Step 6. Working on steps one through five involves some heavy lifting, friends. Making it this far also demonstrates that you are serious about your recovery. Few who are not serious about sobriety would dare to be this honest with themselves!
The 6th Step is about taking the next logical step: “being ready to allow these identified character defects to be removed.” This next step is particularly crucial as it marks a significant shift from self-assessment to a willingness to change deeply ingrained behaviors and shortcomings. For this step, a willingness to change is a must.
The Stoics encouraged acceptance of change as a fundamental part of life. In “Enchiridion,” Epictetus remarked, “It is not the things themselves that disturb men, but their judgments about these things.” This highlights that change does not cause distress, but rather our resistance. Critical to recovery is changing the behaviors that have not served us well in the past. The first step toward change is developing a willingness to undertake it.
Defining the 6th Step
The 6th Step reads: “We’re entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” This step is about becoming fully prepared to let go of the negative traits and behaviors (also known as shortcomings) that have contributed to one’s addiction. Like all the other Alcoholics Anonymous steps, this step focuses on progress, not perfection.
Bill W., the co-founder of AA, emphasized the importance of this willingness in the book “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions”: “This is the step that separates the men from the boys.” Bill means that it is time to open ourselves up to making authentic, tangible changes in our behavior. It is one thing to have self-awareness about our character defects and a whole other thing to be willing to tackle them head-on.
What Are Defects of Character in Alcoholics Anonymous?
The term “defects of character,” or character defects, might sound harsh, but it’s important to remember that everyone has flaws. In the context of AA, defects of character refer to the negative traits, habits or behaviors that have developed over time. These can include dishonesty, selfishness, resentment, fear and pride.
These character defects are usually deeply ingrained and can go back to childhood for many of us, so they can be challenging to change. We may have used these behaviors in the past as coping mechanisms to survive in life, much like we turned to alcohol to get us through.
However, through our recovery from addiction so far, we have found that there are other ways to survive that are not destructive. Identifying and being willing to let go of these shortcomings is to pave the way for healthier behaviors and attitudes, which are essential for maintaining sobriety.
Why Willingness Is Key
Willingness is the cornerstone of the 6th Step. It’s about more than just acknowledging that these shortcomings exist; it’s about being truly prepared to let them go. This step doesn’t require removing the defects, which comes later in Step 7, but it does require an honest readiness to change.
One might ask, “Why is this willingness so important?” The answer lies in the nature of addiction itself. Addiction is a cycle of harmful behaviors that are deeply rooted in these defects of character. Breaking the cycle requires more than just stopping the addictive behavior; it requires addressing the underlying causes.
In “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions,” Bill W. wrote, “If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.” Willingness can be challenging to achieve, but it is essential for growth. It’s normal to feel resistance or fear about letting go of long-held habits or traits, but this is where trust in a higher power, a sponsor and the support of AA support groups comes into play. If one hasn’t already, finding a sponsor is highly suggested.
How to Work the 6th Step
Working the 6th Step involves several key actions:
1. Reflect on Your Character Defects: Review the moral inventory you completed in Step 4 and the admissions made in Step 5. Identify the specific defects of character that are holding you back. It is helpful to put these down on paper, like in the 4th Step. There is power in getting thoughts out of our minds and tangibly on a sheet of paper.
2. Consider the Impact: Consider how these defects have affected your life and the lives of others. Understanding the negative impact of these behaviors can strengthen your willingness to change. These defects have driven all sorts of poor behavior beyond our drinking. Examples include verbally or physically abusing others, spending money meant to sustain our family, or any behavior that unnecessarily causes damage of any kind.
3. Pray or Meditate: If you believe in a God as your higher power, pray or meditate to find the strength and willingness to let go of these defects. This is a time to ask for guidance and support in your journey.
4. Talk to Your Sponsor and Home Group: Discuss your thoughts and feelings with your trusted AA circle. They can provide valuable insight, encouragement and accountability as you work through this step.
5. Be Patient: Willingness doesn’t always happen overnight. It’s a process that may take time. Be patient with yourself and recognize that this is a journey of continuous growth.
Common Step 6 Challenges
Many people in recovery find the 6th Step challenging. It’s not easy to confront your flaws and be willing to change them. Here are some common challenges and how to overcome them:
Fear of Change: Change can be scary, especially when it involves letting go of behaviors that have been a part of your life for a long time. Often, we may wonder who we will be without these character defects. Anger, resentment and fear can frequently be a twisted motivator.
For example, I may resent a co-worker and vow to work extra hard to outperform them. Promotions, recognition and pay raises may result, but the underlying motivator is toxic to us. We may wonder, “If I do not have this resentment to drive me, where will the motivation come from, and will I become a failure?”
Remind yourself that these changes are necessary for your recovery and well-being. Also, reflect on all the successful people in AA and have faith that you can find your way, too.
Attachment to Defects: Some shortcomings, like pride or control, might feel like they protect or give you power. This is another example of using character defects as coping mechanisms. It’s essential to recognize that while these traits might have served a purpose in the past, they are now barriers to sobriety.
Doubt: You might need clarification on whether you’re ready or capable of change. This is where trust in your higher power and the support of the AA community is crucial. You don’t have to do this alone. Repeat — you don’t have to do this alone!
The Role of a Higher Power in the 6th Step
The 6th Step involves a leap of faith. You are trusting that something better will take their place by being willing to let go of these defects. In AA, this is where faith in a higher power becomes central. It’s about believing that this higher power can help you remove these defects and guide you toward a better life.
Bill W. wrote in “Alcoholics Anonymous”: “We had to have God’s help. To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self-sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action.” This means that willingness alone is not enough; it must be coupled with faith and action.
This is not a new notion; Jesus is noted as saying, “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.” Whether we are religious-oriented or not, these words have a universal truth.
Moving Forward: From Willingness to Action
The 6th Step is about preparing yourself for the changes that lie ahead. Once you’ve developed the willingness to let go of your defects, you can move on to Step 7, where you actively ask your higher power to remove them. I found it helpful to study Step 7 while working through Step 6. This allowed me to better understand what I was preparing myself for and ensure I was ready for the next step.
Remember, recovery is a journey. Step 6 is essential to overcoming addiction, helping us transition from self-awareness to self-improvement. By embracing this Step, we are taking a significant stride towards lasting sobriety and personal growth.
Conclusion
The 6th Step of AA is a powerful tool for transformation. It’s about recognizing your flaws, being willing to change and trusting that a higher power can help you overcome these obstacles. While challenging, it’s a step that leads to deeper self-awareness, growth and, ultimately, a more fulfilling life in recovery. As you work through this step, remember that willingness is the key that unlocks the door to lasting change.
12-Step STOICISM SERIES by Tony Harte:
- Finding Power in Powerlessness: Step 1 and Stoicism
- Finding a Higher Power & Stoic Wisdom | Step Two
- Step 3: Surrender, Stoicism & Your Higher Power in Recovery
- Step 4: Moral Inventory & Stoic Wisdom for Recovery
- Step 5 Guide: Admitting Wrongs & Finding Freedom
- AA Step 6: A Guide to Willingness and Change
- AA Step 7 Explained: The Power of Humility in Recovery
- Step 8: A Path to Healing and Accountability
- How Step 9 in AA Helps You Release Guilt, Build Trust and Find Peace
- AA Step 10: Maintaining Sobriety and Personal Growth
- Step 11: Deepening Spiritual Growth in Recovery
- Step 12 and the Stoic Connection: Finding Purpose in Recovery
CURATED CRAFTS: Bedazzling My Big Book: Because Recovery Deserves Rhinestones
STOICISM: The STOICISM section of The Sober Curator explores how ancient philosophy can be a powerful tool for modern recovery. Led by Sober Curator Contributors Derek Castleman and Tony Harte, this space dives into the principles of Stoicism and how they can help navigate the challenges of sobriety.
Derek, a writer, educator, scientist, and data analyst, battled addiction and bipolar disorder for over 15 years before achieving recovery in 2018. While 12-Step Programs provided his foundation, it was the philosophy of Stoicism that became the key to his sobriety and sanity. From mental hospitals to rehab, county jail to sober living, his journey is a testament to the power of resilience, acceptance, and self-discipline.
Tony, on the other hand, has been sober for 35 years and proves that you’re never too old to discover new ways to heal and grow. After a wild ride through addiction—including jail time, DUIs, and near-death experiences—he hit rock bottom in a hospital bed in 1989. That moment became his wake-up call, leading him deep into recovery and an endless search for spiritual meaning. Though he explored nearly every religion and philosophy, it wasn’t until he stumbled upon Stoicism that everything clicked. Now, as a self-proclaimed spiritual gangster, Tony blends ancient philosophy with real-world experience, sharing Stoic insights and practical recovery advice through his blog.
Together, Derek and Tony bring Stoicism to life, showing how its core principles—reason, virtue, and acceptance—can guide those in recovery toward strength, peace, and purpose. Through their contributions to The Sober Curator, they’re proving that no matter where you are on your journey, wisdom and transformation are always within reach.
WHAT A TRIP! A Pilgrimage to Akron and a Visit to Dr. Bob’s House
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