Clarity is power. You are a powerful being when you are crystal fucking clear on what you want and what you don’t want to waste your time and energy on.
I started drinking when I was 17. This month I’m turning 43. 4 years ago last month, I got sober. So that adds up to approximately half my life. I have lived in a state of clear thinking, and for half my life, I lived seeking numbness. Which, of course, mainly led to shame, guilt, depression, and fogging decision making, albeit there were a few moments of clarity amongst the 22-year alcoholism fog.
So in honor of my 43rd lap around the sun, I wanted to share with you my growing list of things that, since living in a state of clarity, I give zero fucks.
I very much used to give a fuck about some of the things on the list, although to what degree that was just unconscious conditioning vs. a natural choice varies. Others are things the PWC taught me from a very young age and throughout womanhood that I should care about…and well, yeah, in general, I never was in alignment with them. (Regena Thomashauer introduced me to this catchy term in her awesome book Pussy, it refers to Patriarchal World Culture) Now, four years sober, I fully embrace my ‘rebel’ aka genuine dialed-in feminine light and dark self. So here it goes…
IDGAF For Realz
- Perfection: achieving it, seeking it, aiming for it, etc. Messy action is where it is at. Excellence is the enemy of good. Done is better than perfect.
- Imperfections: zero time spent wishing I was something I am not interested in ‘altering’ myself to be something I am not.
- Fitting in: I actively try to fit out.
- My mistakes: are more like all the lessons and ways I have developed into the beautiful soul I am today inside and out.
- Gray hairs: see #2.
- Wrinkles: evidence of fun in the sun and laughter.
- Body hair: sometimes I wax, sometimes (like for a year or two) I don’t. Zero obligation, I feel sexy with it, and without it, what’s sexy is owning who you are.
- VP (visible panty line): somehow, alcoholism went right along with 22 years of thongs. Still, sometimes I wear them, mostly I don’t.
- Feeling “dirty,” “weak,” or like “hiding” when I am bleeding.
- Hiding my witchy-ness.
- Hiding my general “woo.”
- Those 5 lbs. that come and go.
- Using “lady-like” vocabulary or cadence *probably already picked up on that, lol.
- The fact that my belly looks like a belly and not a washboard.
- Holding my belly in.
- Sitting up straight all the time because I look thinner – I do it to avoid back pain and feel strong and in alignment most of the time.
- Wearing all black all the time because it is “thinning.”
- Wearing “appropriate color combinations”: thank you, Mexico, for teaching me to embrace color in all its forms, everywhere in life, and however you want to fucking combine it.
- Feeling weak when I want to rest or “do nothing.”
- Feeling “unproductive” when I don’t feel like “producing” anything.
- Someone else’s definition of success.
- Someone else’s timeline.
- Cellulite.
- The fact is that when I move or dance, parts of my body jiggle.
- My saggy and lopsided boobs.
- Pretending I’m something I’m not so people will like, accept and include me.
- Always wearing a bra, push-up bras, cleavage, etc.
- My bra or nipples showing through my blouse.
- Pantyhose.
- High heels.
- Make-up: sometimes I wear it, sometimes I don’t.
- “Doing” my hair.
- Hiding my emotions, anger, disappointment, rage, and bliss.
- Dining my light to conform to someone else’s standards or rules.
- Rules.
- Someone else’s definition of happiness.
- Someone else’s definition of a successful relationship or fairytale.
- Being someone else’s version of “appropriate.”
- Staying late at the party.
- FOMO. Trust in the divine timing, baby.
- Owning property.
- Hiding my sexual energy and creative feminine power.
- My age.
Learn more about Megan Swan HERE
Resources are available
Resources Are Available
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