Think back for a minute; where did you learn about sex first? In school? What grade? What was the message you actually received?
I have some vivid memories of those classes in particular. I think Sex Ed really got more interesting in Jr. High School. In the US would be called Middle School. There was a ‘Question Box .’ We all got a piece of paper, and everyone had to write something down to protect anonymity. At first, everyone was too shy to ask juicy questions, but we got some real answers as the semester went on.
What I don’t clearly remember, mind you, was if we were ever given the message that sex is pleasurable. Or more precisely, that you would want to have sex solely for the sake of pleasure. I think it was implied when we discussed ‘pleasure zones,’ but not really. That is to say; it was tied up in a little bow with this idea that it should be with someone you ‘love.’
Modern Day Sex Ed
My ten-year-old studied reproduction this year; it was referred to as Sex Ed, and there was a parents’ zoom meeting to ‘prepare’ the parents. In general, it was well done, except that pleasure was not mentioned. In fact, it was very clear messaging that the parents should emphasize that it is only between partners who love each other. Granted, because I live in Mexico and 90+% are Catholic, it didn’t surprise me. However, it got me thinking back to what exact message I had received.
When it came to helping my son study for his exam, there was only one thing that mentioned actual sex at all in the textbook, and that was the section on contraceptives. Which, even then, was just a list of what your options are, not how they work or where you put them. Can you believe there were ten pages on each sex’s reproductive parts and how they work but no actual mention of how they will contact each other? My son was asking me, so how does the sperm reach the ovum? Again, maybe this is how they present the information in Gr. 5 and build from there. I’m not so sure. In Canada, Sex Ed starts in Gr. 4, and I remember it being pretty detailed right from the get-go.
What do you remember?
Now fast forward to being in my 40s and post two natural births. I signed myself up for the sex education no one ever received in school. You may have learned a lot in your first several decades of ‘experimentation’ as I did, but I guarantee you, you didn’t learn everything. I mean, the topic of sexuality is a deep and complex one. The part I want to focus on here that I just learned last year is the power of pleasure.
I learned not only sexual pleasure, which is especially powerful, but just pleasures in general, like the lovely feeling of running the softness of your hands across your face or having someone rub your back. Even platonic pleasure is healing, and I think we are unaware of its true powers.
Two Key Takeaways
As a Wellness Coach, two key takeaways immediately dawned on me and have become a part of my coaching. Pleasure practices should be a wellness tool that everyone has in their wellness toolbox. Second, that pleasure is a quality that should be applied to all other aspects of our lives that support our health and wellness, such as eating, sleeping, resting, exercise/movement, mindful practices, stress management, community, and processing our emotions.
I’m not saying that all those things should feel pleasurable all the time, but if we ask ourselves from a lens of pleasure: “What options in each category bring me the most pleasure and make me feel the best in my body?” We would make better choices that would be easier to maintain. Meaning if we stand back and stop approaching our health and wellness routines with a should mentality and instead loosen up a bit and tune into our higher, more long-term goals of wanting to feel good (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) we would start to make more aligned choices that maybe don’t give us results fast but over time do because they are enjoyable, bring us platonic pleasure and make us feel good in our hearts, minds, and bodies.
Sexual Energy is a tool.
Sexual energy is also a tool that I think could be taken more advantage of in terms of self-pleasure practices being stigmatized or put in a box that they are only for single people or for when your partner is away. What if you looked at conscious self-pleasure practices as mindfulness practice in the same way you would approach starting a meditation or breathwork practice? Not that they give you the exact same benefits, although there is some overlap, more so in the sense that self-pleasure practiced daily or even bi-weekly is an incredible tool we can use for managing stress, connecting with ourselves, understanding ourselves on a deeper level, and profound internal healing.
One of my favorite practices is the Microcosmic Orbits Meditation which essentially has you practice moving energy (which eventually you can use ‘turn on’ energy or sexual energy but through visualization, not touch) through each of the energy centers or chakras of the body. The chakras are where each of the body’s major glands is located.
'Hermeticists and other esoteric philosophers noticed that every chakra is linked to an endocrine gland: the crown chakra with the pineal, the brow centre with the pituitary and hypothalamus, the throat centre with the thyroid gland, the heart centre with the thymus gland, solar plexus with the pancreas, sacral chakra with the reproductive organs and the base chakra with adrenals."
Read more here and check out these diagrams to help you visualize: (https://www.organicindiaclean.com/blog7.html)
Connect with yourself.
Even if you aren’t into the idea of chakras, you can consider the power of mentally connecting with the power of your endocrine system, visualizing where each major gland is in the body and understanding what it does.
The bottom line, our body is designed to experience pleasure in all things that keep us healthy: eating, sleeping, resting, moving our bodies, connecting with others physically and emotionally, orgasm, natural childbirth, and even in the birthing of new ideas and creative expression of our feelings and of who we are. Pleasure is healing, nurturing, and energizing – an essential wellness tool.
Consider what narrative you were taught about pleasure.
Consider what narrative you were taught as a kid about pleasure. Is it always followed up with guilt? Do you see it as a healing tool? Do you use it for stress management or calming your nervous system?
Here is another option for the guided meditation technique, search ‘microcosmic orbit’ on your preferred meditation app. I like Insight Timer because it is free and has a wide variety of mindful practices and tools for clients to enjoy. Like all wellness practices, you might have to experiment with a few options before finding the one that works best for you; guided meditations are no exception.
If you want to explore this element of your optimal wellness, don’t hesitate to contact me.
Big love + optimal wellness,
M
WE DO RECOVER: Learn more about Sober Curator & Wellness Coach Megan Swan’s Sober Story
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Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
Alcohol & Substance Abuse Resource Guide
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
