Friendships. What are they? Why do we need them? And why do we get so darn upset when they change?

We’re humans, that’s why. And change is hard. Change is uncomfortable. But change is also inevitable, and at times, it’s something we can’t control. Sometimes, change can even be good.

The Big Bang Theory – The Friendship Algorithm

Let’s Define Friendship

What is friendship, anyways? The dictionary has a definition for it, but who cares. We all get to decide for ourselves what it means to be a good friend.

We’re all different, which means we have different wants and needs. This is true for our friendships too. Friends don’t need to be people we see often. Our friendships can evolve over time, and that’s OK.

I’m an introvert. I don’t need a lot of friends. I’d prefer to have only a few close friends and I want friends that will be there for me when I need them. To me, a friend is someone who I enjoy spending time with. A friend is someone who puts up with my BS when no one else will. A friend is someone who calls me out when I’ve made a mistake because they want the best for me. And someone who is there to pick me up when I’m at my lowest.

The Hangover- Three Best Friends Full Clip (HQ)

The Friends You Used to Have

Raise your hand if you’ve lost some friends since you’ve quit drinking…

This is bound to happen. We change so much when we decide to cut alcohol out of our lives. Our priorities are different. What we do for fun has changed, and where we spend our time changes too. Why should we expect our friendships to stay the same?

Accepting the changes in our lives is important, especially in early sobriety.

The Friends You Still Have

Many of us keep our same friendships throughout our sobriety. Sure, one or two people might fade away or our friendships might change a bit. But for some of us, everyone sticks around.

Not only are we different than we were when we were drinking, but we’re all so busy too. So, how can we enhance our friendships?

Reach out to your friends, plan to meet up for breakfast, or a shopping date, or hang out at home and catch up. It doesn’t have to be fancy or often, it just has to happen.

Friends – Joe and Chandler’s Friendship Bracelet.

New Friends

It is possible to make new friends as an adult…even as a sober adult! It’s not easy though. It can feel like work. We can’t expect to have new friends fall into our lives without doing anything to get them.

In the past, there were things in place to allow for easy friendship-making. Many of us have long-term friendships with people that we grew up with. In our past, we made friends at social events, or while in college. Drinking also made it easy to make new friends.

So where do you meet friends as a sober adult? To start, you have to figure out what makes you happy and do more of that.

What are your hobbies? Use Facebook or Google to search for local events going on in your area. Think about your passions. Is there a cause that you feel strongly about? Volunteer or learn more about how to help in your community. If you put in a little bit of effort, you might surprise yourself and gain some new friendships along the way.

The Fox and the Hound (1981) – Best of Friends

Whatever your friendships look like, they are bound to evolve over time, and that’s OK. Try to enhance the ones that are closest to you. It sounds cliche, but think about who you want to grow old with. Which friendships do you think will be around through your challenging times? Continue to put your energy into those relationships. And through it, all, make sure to keep your own energy at the top of your mind and take care of yourself.

THE MINDFUL BINGE: And Just Like That, The Mindful Binge Discusses The SATC Reboot Finale While Wearing Carrie Bradshaw Inspired Outfits

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Resources Are Available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.