There are endless topics to discuss, questions to ponder, and revelations to be shared. However, I’m still wrestling with what and how to write about this film. We all know by now that although Anthony Bourdain put on an excellent front and appeared to be living his best life, he wasn’t. Things were not ok for him. Roadrunner sheds light on the manic behavior and obsessive tendencies that only a few witnessed. Listening to his friends describe the events of his last few years is heartbreaking. Looking at the holistic picture, it seems that Bourdain is completely unraveling. The problem seems to be that he did not allow anyone to get close enough to see this. It’s a harsh reality that’s all too common and difficult to discuss.
Director, Morgan Neville’s Thoughtful Approach
Roadrunner features footage of Anthony Bourdain in interviews and TV shows, from Tony’s days at Les Halles, running through his journey to fame to the last years of his life. Roadrunner’s director, Morgan Neville, reviewed every article, book on tape, and interview. He then cataloged interesting things by category so the story could be told in Bourdain’s words and voice. Neville realized that many seemed stuck trying to deal with what happened, and he wanted to help people process Bourdain’s death. For many of Bourdain’s friends and family members, their interviews with Neville were the first time they had talked about his death. The film includes honest discussions with people closest to Bourdain.
Neville dealt with the suicide head-on and didn’t shy away from the effects of the mental illness Tony experienced. Many fans who have seen the movie say it feels like a funeral and provides much-needed closure. And there was not a dry eye in the house. Seeing how devasted his friends are to this day is a true testament to who Anthony Bourdain was. Despite the complex topics, the movie is very well done and balances life’s accomplishments with the manner of death. The director honors who Bourdain was, celebrates his legacy, and sheds some light on how his life ended.
Also contributing to my writer’s block is Bourdain’s bigger-than-life persona and the idol status I’ve given him. He was a master of the English language and a brilliant storyteller who could instantly transport you all over the globe through his vibrant descriptions and nonstop, one-of-a-kind metaphors. He single-handedly encouraged tolerance and appreciation for widely misunderstood foreign cultures, gave a voice to the unheard, and improved world relations one dinner table at a time. His lightning-fast wit, always honest, and wicked sense of humor kept things interesting. Writing about this legend is intimidating! I cannot possibly do him justice, but I will do my best.
Through the Lens of Addiction and Recovery
The Sober Curator examines everything through the lens of addiction and sobriety. Using actual quotes from Anthony Bourdain, I’m going to break down some of the film’s major themes into some common patterns we see in recovery.
Roadrunner is the perfect name for this film. Many feel that Bourdain was always chasing a romanticized version of life. He went from country to country, living the rock-star life, seeking knowledge, experiences, and the perfect meal. His love of cinema and constant reference to specific scenes give you an idea of how he framed his expectations. Parts Unknown Director Helen Cho states that reality would never live up to how Bourdain pictured it. Despite this, he kept going. He kept chasing that perfect vision.
There is an eerie parallel in Bourdain’s drive to how an addict is always chasing the high. It’s been said that no high or drunk will ever be as good as the first, but the addict will stop at nothing to try to get that feeling again. Many of us continue to search for the perfect party well into our forties and beyond, not willing to face the reality that high school and college years should have expiration dates and that the perfect parties are not meant to continue throughout adulthood. But we keep looking and looking towards people, places, and things to give us that feeling and to fill that hole.
Happiness Is….
Ironically, Anthony Bourdain created an image of a version of life that many people (myself included) considered perfect and believed would bring complete happiness. The ability to make a living traveling the world, meeting interesting people, exploring new cultures, and eating fantastic food is a dream job for most. This compounded the level of shock surrounding his suicide. The film uses footage revealing how Bourdain felt. He often spoke about how lonely he was and asked his friends if they were truly happy.
One of the most impactful moments in Roadrunner comes when Bourdain asks one of his idols, Iggy Pop, what makes him happy. His response leaves Bourdain speechless when he says it’s the people who love him. In hindsight, it’s a message many probably wish would have been received louder and clearer. The film explores Bourdain’s relationship with his second wife, Ottavia Busia, and daughter, Ariane, which did bring him much happiness for a while.
A Leopard Can’t Change Its Spots
Bourdain was a loving husband and father. On the one hand, he was delighted living at home as a family man. On the other hand, he was still a seeker and couldn’t shut it off. At one point, he told his producers he wanted to quit making the show. Although the producers were willing to support his decision, Bourdain could not move in that direction. He was on the road 250 days a year and ultimately could not be the kind husband and father he wanted to be. His need to continue telling the world’s story seemed to be his driving force. When he could not make this family life work, he returned to living that rock-star life. Even though he knew he was not truly happy.
Similar patterns of denial are common in addicts. For so long, we tell ourselves that we are happy with how things are. We are masters of deception. We put on a front, but the biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves. Instead of doing the work on ourselves to have long-lasting, authentic relationships, we keep things surface-level, making sure no one person knows us well enough to see what’s happening. If someone gets too close, we run. This is a very lonely and exhausting existence. And the truth is that we can’t outrun the pain, addiction, or mental illness.
Expectations and Serenity
Neville shows us several examples of Bourdain’s high expectations of himself, his crew, and anyone he meets personally and professionally. Being late was unacceptable and a grudge-worthy offense in Bourdain’s eyes. Certain food combinations or preparation methods caused some to cease to exist to him. Given Bourdain’s occupation, some of this seems alright, but we see how these expectations took over towards the end. This is also a huge red flag when you look at expectations about addiction.
In recovery, we know that expectations lead to resentment. Resentments lead to a loss of serenity. Loss of serenity leads to relapse. We know that when you have such high expectations of humans, you are bound to be disappointed because humans can’t ever live up to them. We constantly examine our days and look for restlessness, irritability, and discontentment. These are feelings we can’t afford. The way to combat these is with spirituality. I can’t speak on Bourdain’s spirituality, but it did not appear in the film. A strong relationship with a higher power is what allows people in recovery to maintain serenity and sobriety both physically and emotionally.
Illuminating Contributing Factors
It’s no secret that Anthony Bourdain battled drug addiction for most of his life. He was very open about this. In the film, longtime friend David Choe realizes that Bourdain’s addiction never went away. He just moved it to different areas of his life. His addiction jumped from one thing to another and never slowed down.
Towards the end of Roadrunner, we start to see Bourdain’s manic behavior leading up to his death. This included firing a long-time cinematographer on his team, his obsession with Jiu-Jitsu, his obsession with his girlfriend, and significantly out-of-character creative decisions.
No one can honestly know why Bourdain wrote his ending, but the film illuminated some contributing factors. Neville’s goal was to make a film about who Anthony Bourdain was. He was so much more than how he died, which is well conveyed in Roadrunner. Hearing personal stories from co-workers, friends, and family members confirms this.
Reminders and Revelations
I consider Roadrunner a phenomenal tribute to one of my all-time favorite celebrities. It made me look at the human nature Bourdain, which can’t be suppressed in any of us no matter how hard we try. While I still long to travel the world, the film made me understand how fortunate I am to have built strong, authentic relationships that need fostering. Most importantly, it reminded me how powerful addiction is and impressed me with how vital it is to maintain my spirituality. No matter how good my life is or appears, I’m highly susceptible to the same feelings of discontentment Bourdain expressed without my connection to my higher power and my fellowship with others in recovery. And I can’t outrun them. No one can.
Roadrunner is just as blunt and hard-hitting as Bourdain was in how it deals with depression and suicide. It will be difficult for many to watch, but the lessons and reminders are invaluable. I highly recommend seeing this film with your friends. The unspoken takeaway that seems too critical to ignore is checking in on your friends often—especially those who seem strong. If you want to be strong, let people in. Let people know how you are feeling. This will help us all be better and stronger for ourselves and each other.
The Sobees Movie Night Score: 4.5 out of 5
Mocktails and Melodies
Happy Every Hour: Superfans know that Another Bourdain loved a good Negroni. Here is the perfect NA version for you to try. Even if you’ve already seen Roadrunner in the theaters, you can sip on this as you rewatch it on CNN and HBO Max!
Play it Again! You can also enjoy the NA-Groni while you listen to the official Roadrunner playlist below. This is Morgan Neville’s compilation of every song Bourdain mentioned in his interviews, books, and TV shows. It includes many of Tony’s favorites and makes up the soundtrack for the movie.
Please Ask for Help
If you or someone you know is struggling or just needs to talk, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
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