I just finished Paul Summers Jr.’s memoir, Hide and Seek: A Dad’s Journey from Soulless Addiction to Soul Custody. It was a gut punch. This book was a painful, daunting read due to its topic of parenting and addiction. Anyone with children will be disturbed, upset, and overwhelmed, yet they will feel hopeful, forgiving, and even grateful by the end.
Paul is a great writer. The descriptions of the internal machinations of an addict and the ongoing struggles and conflicts to get sober were spot on. The torturous, relentless powerlessness of being someone in recovery who is trying to get custody of his daughter and all that this entails was heartbreaking and enlightening.
From the drama of the child’s birth to the addictions of both parents raising a child while still using, to the pain and desperation and guilt and attempts at sobriety, to the kidnapping of his daughter by his drug-addicted wife, to going through the legal system to get his child back- this was a riveting tale of courage, perseverance, willingness, patience, responsibility, dignity, dedication and love. His desire to do the right thing, his openness to listen to suggestions from other recovering addicts, and his determination to continue on the path of getting his daughter back no matter what roadblocks create a handbook to help other addicts in a similar situation.
His thoughtfulness around every decision and tenacity to never give up should inspire any parent in this situation, whether an addict or not. I spoke with Paul about the book over Zoom, and the first thing I said was that he hooked me from the beginning with the last sentence in the intro:
“Before you embark on this recollection, introspection, and message of hope, please join me for a moment of silence for the person about to get loaded for the first time.”
Paul Summers Jr.
Gut Punch.
Q & A with Paul Summers Jr.
DR. SARAH: How are you doing today, Paul?
PAUL: I am just about to celebrate 17 years of continuous sobriety. I am remarried with two stepchildren. Life is busy. Lola (his daughter) just had a baby with a guy in recovery; she is 21 now! My biggest challenge is having three children with Type 1 Diabetes; it’s a huge deal.
DR. SARAH: What made you want to write the book?
PAUL: I had read a bunch of memoirs before writing the book and thought I had a unique perspective. There isn’t much written from the dad’s perspective, and I wanted to serve all recovering parents struggling with this issue. Divorce and custody issues are ever present in the recovery world.
DR. SARAH: What is the hardest part of your recovery now?
PAUL: I think it deals with your past, history, and family of origin- wanting to do the right thing regarding family. People have been affected by this disease, but not everyone chooses recovery, and that is painful. Knowing what to do and what would be helpful without crossing boundaries is also challenging. Tragedy still happens in families with addiction, and it’s hard to keep open and successful communication going.
DR. SARAH: What are you excited about today?
PAUL: I’m getting back into music. I want to contribute to the recovery community with my music. I’m doing a lot of interesting stuff around healing frequencies and doing groups at treatment centers to help with calming anxiety using music. It’s an exciting adventure.
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