When was the last time you cried?
I’m not talking about the type of crying you do at the end of Rudy.
I’m talking about that Ricky Schroder type of crying, like when he can’t wake up the Champ. ????
I’m talking bloodshot eyes, snot everywhere, and eyeliner that looks like someone left tire tracks on your face.
The type of crying that makes it hard to breathe.
The type of crying where you can’t get the words out.
The type of crying that makes you rethink everything you thought you knew about yourself.
For me, it was yesterday, in my car, in a parking lot, listening to Creed.
When I first got sober, Creed was pretty much all I listened to for some reason.
Music is funny like that. It can move shit around in your brain and your bones. It can shake the tree in your soul until every last apple hits the dirt with a dull thud.
When I was active in my addiction, I used alcohol and drugs to not feel. Always avoiding the real stuff.
Happy on the outside, hurting on the inside.
I was like the clown who goes home and uses those ridiculously oversized shoes to kick his cat across the room.
There’s a quote from a great book that shook my world when I first read it.
“More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very
much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character.
This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a
certain reputation but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.”
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. That was me.
I had the big job, the beautiful wife, the cute kids, the house and like 3,000 Facebook friends.
Winner winner, chicken dinner.
I was fucking miserable.
I couldn’t look in the mirror without gritting my teeth.
Do you know how much energy it takes to smile through pain?
Do you know what it feels like when someone asks, “Hey man. How are you?” and all you can muster is an “all good bro” but in your head you’re screaming at the top of your lungs, “come back and ask again”?
Please ask again.
But I never cried. Not once.
Pour a drink, pop a pill.
I wish I knew then how important it is to cry. How healing it would have been to let it all go.
Tears are literally meant to cleanse, to heal.
Have you ever gotten an eyelash stuck in your eye? That shit tears up immediately. They wash that eyelash away like Marshall, Will, and Holly on a one-way expedition.
Tears do the same thing for feelings. Especially the hard ones. The ones that sit inside your stomach and rot away like a dead rat trapped behind a wall.
Tears connect the thoughts to the feelings. They help you process the emotions you don’t understand. Tears defragment the hard drive in your brain.
Now that I’m sober, I cry all the time. Sometimes it’s painful, and sometimes it’s joy, but it’s always followed by gratitude. Gratitude for the ability to feel hurt, pain, love, and confusion. Sometimes all at once.
I’ve learned a lot about myself from crying.
The most important thing I’ve learned is I can’t stay sober running away from the real stuff. No matter how broken I feel inside.
My experience tells me that the hardest, most fucked up shit I go through, will always become my greatest asset in recovery.
Always.
So cry baby, cry.
Jason Mayo lives in New York with his wife and two daughters. He got sober in March 2010. He is a certified recovery peer advocate at a not-for-profit community center on Long Island. He does outreach and helps organize free sober events for people with substance use disorders and their families. Learn more about Jason HERE. Check out Jason’s Blog: Sober Not Subtle.
A Curated List of the Top 10 Health Benefits to Crying
- Stress Relief: Crying is a natural stress reliever. It helps reduce levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, promoting a sense of calm and emotional release.
- Mood Enhancement: Shedding tears triggers the release of endorphins, our body’s feel-good hormones, which can elevate mood and alleviate feelings of sadness or anxiety.
- Toxin Removal: Emotional tears contain stress hormones and toxins. Crying helps expel these substances from the body, cleansing and detoxifying your system.
- Pain Relief: Tears contain natural painkillers, such as enkephalins and endorphins, which can help ease physical and emotional pain, providing a sense of relief.
- Improved Vision: Tears keep the eyes moist and prevent dehydration, enhancing vision clarity and reducing the risk of eye infections.
- Emotional Release: Crying allows for the expression and release of pent-up emotions, preventing emotional suppression and promoting emotional well-being.
- Social Bonding: Tears serve as a non-verbal form of communication, signaling vulnerability and eliciting empathy from others, fostering social connection and support.
- Cathartic Effect: Crying can be cathartic, helping individuals process and cope with grief, loss, and other challenging emotions, leading to emotional growth and resilience.
- Stress Reduction: Emotional crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing the body’s stress response, which can benefit overall health.
- Emotional Balance: Regular crying sessions contribute to emotional balance and regulation, helping individuals maintain mental clarity, self-awareness, and psychological well-being.
By incorporating crying as a healthy emotional outlet, individuals in recovery from alcohol and substance use disorder can harness these powerful health benefits to support their overall well-being and sobriety journey.
????A Curated List of the *Top 20 “CRY” Movies????:
(????*According to the internet. The Sober Curator can not guarantee that these movies will make you cry. Please cry responsibly.????)
- The Notebook (2004) – A poignant love story that tugs at the heartstrings, evoking tears with its emotional depth and touching narrative.
- Schindler’s List (1993) – A powerful and heartbreaking portrayal of the Holocaust, stirring deep emotions and prompting reflective tears.
- Titanic (1997) – The epic romance and tragic sinking of the Titanic elicits tears as viewers are immersed in the lives of Jack and Rose.
- Forrest Gump (1994) – The life journey of Forrest Gump, filled with love, loss, and perseverance, is a tearjerker that resonates with audiences.
- Up (2009) – A heartwarming animated film that explores themes of love, loss, and hope, captivating viewers and bringing tears to many eyes.
- The Lion King (1994) – This Disney classic touches hearts with its emotional storyline of Simba’s journey to reclaim his throne and honor his father’s legacy.
- Marley & Me (2008) – A heartfelt tale of a family and their beloved dog, Marley, that navigates through life’s joys and sorrows, evoking tears of both laughter and sadness.
- My Sister’s Keeper (2009) – A moving story of family dynamics and sacrifices, exploring themes of love, loss, and the complexities of relationships that can bring tears to your eyes.
- A Star is Born (2018) – The emotional rollercoaster of love, fame, and tragedy in this musical drama strikes a chord with viewers, culminating in tearful moments of raw emotion. Sober Curator Pro Tip: This movie made one of our curated lists.
- Toy Story 3 (2010) – The Pixar animation beautifully captures themes of friendship, loyalty, and growing up, concluding with a tear-inducing finale that resonates with audiences of all ages.
- Good Will Hunting (1997) – The emotional journey of a troubled genius confronting his past and embracing his potential evokes powerful emotions, resonating with many men.
- Saving Private Ryan (1998) – This war epic depicts the sacrifices of soldiers during World War II, stirring deep feelings of loss, camaraderie, and patriotism.
- The Pursuit of Happyness (2006) – Based on a true story, this film follows a man’s struggles with homelessness and determination to provide for his son, touching the hearts of viewers.
- Field of Dreams (1989) – A heartwarming tale of baseball, father-son relationships, and second chances that often leads men to shed tears of nostalgia and sentiment.
- Braveheart (1995) – The epic story of William Wallace’s fight for Scottish independence is an emotional rollercoaster of courage, sacrifice, and loyalty that can move even the toughest of men.
- Dead Poets Society (1989) – This inspiring tale of a teacher who challenges his students to seize the day and pursue their passions elicits introspective tears and resonates with themes of self-discovery and individuality.
- The Green Mile (1999) – A gripping drama set on death row, exploring themes of redemption, empathy, and human connection that often lead to emotional reactions from male viewers.
- Rocky (1976) – The classic underdog story of Rocky Balboa’s journey to boxing stardom, coupled with themes of resilience, love, and hope, strikes a chord with many men and triggers tears of triumph and inspiration.
- The Shawshank Redemption (1994) – The tale of friendship, perseverance, and hope in the face of adversity within the confines of a prison touches on universal themes that resonate deeply with male audiences.
- Rudy (1993) – The inspiring true story of Rudy Ruettiger’s dream to play football for Notre Dame embodies themes of determination, dedication, and overcoming odds, often moving men to tears of motivation and triumph.
MOVIE NIGHT WITH THE SOBER CURATOR: Welcome to movie night with The Sober Curator! There’s no need for booze or drugs; we’ve got your entertainment cravings covered. This corner of our site recommends movies and documentaries that will captivate, inspire, and entertain. So, grab some popcorn, whip up your favorite mocktail, and indulge in your go-to sweet treats as you cozy up for a cinematic treat.
Need NA drink ideas? Our HAPPY EVERY HOUR section is brimming with non-alcoholic beverages to quench your thirst.
If a Netflix marathon is more your speed, check out THE MINDFUL BINGE for a list of TV series that get our sober seal of approval!
