This weird thing happens to you when you get sober. You lose the ability to lie or deceive. The other day, I texted the Founder of The Sober Curator @alysseinthecity that I might be the equivalent of the Jaywalker as referenced in the Big Book of AA, except my repeated injury comes in the form of fake bag scams and wasted money. However, when I look at it closer, I can see that the real injury is just a blow to the fragile persona I attempted to display to the public. #fashionista #fashionblogger #luxuryshopper.
Let’s be real. I am a nurse and a health coach. I don’t have the extra money to spend on labels. Most of the time, I buy used luxury goods online at a fraction of the retail price about a decade after they were “cool.” (Hello LV, Neverfull that I can just now afford.) Yet once I started modeling and blogging about fashion, I felt this ridiculous need to keep up with designer labels.
So, I am telling on myself here in hopes that you 1.) Don’t fall for these scams and 2.) Take this as a lesson not to sell yourself short. Stuff means basically just stuff. Style means your ability to put looks together and show the world who you are. At nearly six years sober, I have “classier problems” than the early days. Image projection, approval seeking, imposter syndrome, and all that other lovely ego BS. (Just to name a few…) Yet the difference is as soon as I catch myself veering off the path, I know where to go to confess, laugh, regroup, and heal.
The truth is, I hold such a reverence for fashion that the crime of purchasing dupes felt unforgivable. So, I tucked this embarrassing part of me away deep in my psyche and hid it. But nothing ever goes away until we acknowledge it, expose it, have compassion around it, and love it away. So here I am. Having compassion for the part of me, that just wanted to fit in and be cool and buy the damn expensive bag.
I attended a women’s retreat a couple of weeks ago where we were instructed to write something on a piece of paper that we intended to eliminate from our lives. The exercise included throwing our scrap of paper into a bonfire and burning it. I wrote this word: Proving. I am done trying to prove my coolness in the form of fake sparkle, and I am done trying to prove my worthiness to the world. The piece of paper with my word burned, and so did my shame around it. I now coach people around these very issues. And I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t publish this article. (And laugh about the buffoonery of my ego) So here you go.
Grace & Glam,
(Or more like, please have grace for my wanna-be glam)
Kate
YOU’VE BEEN SELECTED: Kate Vitela has been an RN in Pacific Northwest for over two decades. She has been sober since 2018. You’ve Been Selected is a column that describes her journey through addiction, eating disorders, and what is now known as Drunkorexia. The title comes from years of mandatory drug testing Kate endured after nearly ruining her nursing career due to alcohol. Kate recalls seeing these words appear on her phone each day she was chosen to randomly drug test to prove her sobriety to the nursing board.
Kate chronicles her struggle with body image, perfectionism, stigma, shame, and burnout throughout her career. She also turns this twisted narrative into triumph as she internalizes it as a sign from the universe to speak up and tell her story. Kate continues to work as a leader in the mental health nursing field and is studying to become a board-certified nurse coach.
In her free time, Kate is actively involved in the fashion industry in the PNW. She also serves on the board of the Break Free Foundation, which produces twice-annual shows for NYFW. She has been modeling for two years since starting the blog Walk Your Talk.
Follow along with Kate on IG @katevitela or email her directly at vitela.kate@gmail.com
A Disco Ball is Hundreds of Pieces of Broken Glass, Put Together to Make a Magical Ball of Light. You are NOT Broken, Friend. You are a DISCO BALL!
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