Attending meetings is crucial when practicing a 12-step program. These meetings provide support, guidance, and a sense of community. Whether you’re struggling with something recovery-related or dealing with another issue, meetings can be a lifeline. Practicing Stoic principles while engaging with others and participating in meetings can significantly enhance the value you get from 12-step meetings and, by extension, your sobriety.
A core theme throughout stoicism is what they termed the “Dichotomy of Control.” It is the idea that we can only control our thoughts, actions, and attitudes, while external events and other people’s actions are beyond our control. This principle is highlighted in Epictetus’s writings, particularly in his work “Enchiridion” (or “The Manual”). Understanding and accepting this dichotomy is key to achieving inner peace and resilience and can make a huge difference in your mental health if you struggle in meetings.
Benefits of Attending 12-Step Meetings
First, I will touch on the benefits of attending meetings for those in recovery. 12-Step meetings are FREE and always will be. If you have a few dollars to donate to a meeting to help with the meeting expenses, that is great but not required. 12-step programs do not encourage attendance to make money or push certain agendas.
The 12-Step meeting is there for all of us, whether we receive or provide value on any given day. I am sure there are more, but here is a good starting list of benefits a recovering person can realize by attending a meeting.
Opportunity to Build a Support Network
One of the most significant benefits of attending meetings is the chance to build a support network. In a 12-step program, you’re not alone. AA is self-described as a Fellowship. The Cambridge English Dictionary defines fellowship as a friendly feeling that exists between people who have a shared interest or are doing something together.
At the beginning of Chapter 2 of the Big Book, the fellowship is described as follows: “We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness, and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to the Captain’s table. Unlike the feelings of the ship’s passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways.”
Whether we make connections that we only see at meetings, get a phone list and call folks between meetings, or make friendships beyond meeting attendance, some people want to help, and you can help by forming relationships. Even with one day of sobriety, you have something to offer another seeking to improve their recovery.
Friendships that extend outside of 12-Step meetings became crucial for me. As I traded in my drinking buddies for sobriety, I was left with no friends. My whole social network had been fellow partiers. It took a while, as I tend to keep to myself, but eventually, I developed new, healthy friendships.
My core friends met to study AA literature, took camping trips together, attended weekend recovery events, and were always there for each other. Building these positive relationships was critical for me. I formed such a strong bond through the fellowship that the best man in my first marriage was a friend I met there.
Shared Experiences
In 12-Step meetings, you will encounter people with shared or comparable experiences in their journey. Sharing stories and struggles with people who understand can be very comforting. Seneca notes, “There is nothing in the world so much admired as a man who knows how to bear unhappiness with courage and poverty with cheerfulness. But it is also wise to seek the support of friends to bear our burdens more easily.” While stoicism may seem to focus quite a bit on self-reliance and accountability for oneself, they would also have agreed with Thomas Merton, who said, “No Man is an Island.”
These shared experiences become valuable as others, not in recovery but still in your support circle, may not fully get what you’re going through and struggle to support you productively. Feeling understood can reduce feelings of isolation and increase your sense of belonging, making a massive difference in how you think and feel about your journey.
Full disclosure: Not everyone feels understood or has a sense of belonging in 12-Step meetings. Later in the article, as I discuss my meeting mindset, there are some ideas on how to bridge this gap.
Readily Available Support
Life can be unpredictable, and sometimes we need extra help. Regularly attending meetings means we have a place to turn when things get tough. If we’re having a bad day or facing a difficult situation, we can attend a meeting and get support. This immediate access to help can prevent setbacks and keep us moving forward.
In most areas, you will find meetings at different times of the day. Even if it is not close, one may be within an hour’s drive. If you balk at driving an hour to a 12-step meeting and an hour back, think back on the time you spent in active addiction, creating misery. The Big Book tells us on page 58, “If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps.” In my opinion, getting to meetings, even when not convenient, qualifies at “any lengths.”
The 12-Step Meetings House Experience and Wisdom
Most meetings will have attendees with diverse experiences in recovery. As you will see later in the article, I am a massive proponent of believing everyone has something they can teach us. Why do I care about others’ experiences? I looked to Warren Buffet for the answer when he said, “It’s good to learn from your mistakes. It’s better to learn from other people’s mistakes.”
You may hear the term “stick with the winners” in 12-step meetings. For me, that does not always mean those with the longest length of sobriety. It means they have sustained sobriety and achieved something I aspire to in my own recovery. This can be someone with less sobriety time who has mastered a certain aspect of life.
For example, maybe a person has made great strides in repairing family relationships, healing with their children, or renewing commitments to improving their marriage. If this is an area I struggle with, having this person in my life can have a positive impact, and hopefully, I can help with areas of their sobriety as well. On the other hand, there have been others with more sobriety than me where they had nothing going on in their lives that appealed to me.
12-Step Meetings Promote Accountability
Another benefit is that meetings help us stay accountable. When we regularly attend 12-Step meetings, we’re committing to our recovery. This routine helps is an easy way to stay on track. Knowing that others expect you to show up can motivate you to keep going, even when things get tough.
In AA, newcomers are recommended to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. By following this recommendation, the newcomer taps into the power of accountability as they immerse themselves in the program, build their support network, and develop the coping skills to live life on life’s terms.
If I wake up today knowing I am going to a meeting tonight, it can act as an extra measure against relapse. Throughout the day, I may think about what the topic might be or who may be there rather than thinking about drinking or using.
Also, showing up IS enough. I went to my 90 in 90 and probably went another month or so before I began making small contributions to the meeting. Outside of the obligatory introduction of myself, getting tokens, and reading out loud in study meetings, I only listened for a long time. As my sobriety grew in length and quality, I started sharing more and became more and more comfortable doing so.
Hope and Inspiration
Sometimes, we need a shot of hope and inspiration. Recovery can be a long and challenging journey where staying hopeful is hard. 12-Step meetings are a place where we can find hope and inspiration. Hearing stories of success and seeing others who have made it through tough times can show us there is a way through. One of my favorite quotes ever comes from a man who had to follow his advice for a long time. Winston Churchill wisely said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” In other words, do not give up during hard times.
Even stories of relapse can be informative and inspirational if we look at the situation from a learning point of view. For example, someone has relapsed but returned to a meeting and shared about it. This is an excellent indicator that there must be something in the program that is better than drinking. Seneca tells us, “Sometimes even to live is an act of courage,” and that is rarely clearer than when a person with addiction issues relapses and returns because they want to live.
This person just delivered a valuable lesson to us without us having to experience it. It is extremely rare for a person to share a relapse with anything other than regret in their message. Another example may be that, based on their story, they did not take the advice to change people, places, and things seriously. I can use this as a reminder to double-check my commitment and ask myself, am I taking this part of the program seriously and protecting my sobriety?
Reinforcement of the 12-steps
There is no lack of scientific evidence that repeated exposure to something, good or bad, will have a profound impact on human beings and animals alike. Zig Ziglar, the motivational icon, summed it up nicely, saying, “Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.” How is that for an indirect endorsement of 90 meetings in 90 days?
The 12 steps are the program’s core, and meetings help reinforce them. By attending 12-Step meetings, we regularly review, reference, and discuss the steps. This repetition helps us internalize them and apply them to our lives. The more we engage with the steps, the more effective they can be in our recovery.
If you have not already, I highly recommend trying a Big Book, 12 Steps, and 12 Traditions study meeting. I have found these to be extremely useful, as they are very focused, and I get to do deeper dives with other program participants more holistically.
Working the 12th Step
One of the fundamental principles of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is the concept of giving back, which is enshrined in the Twelfth Step: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” This principle underscores the importance of service and the reciprocal nature of recovery.
By sharing their experiences, strengths, and hopes with others, members who are further along in their recovery journey can offer invaluable support to newcomers. This act of giving back fosters a sense of purpose and fulfillment, reinforcing the person’s sobriety and offering help while providing essential guidance and encouragement to those just starting their path to recovery.
Many famous quotes exist about serving others, and certain special people, like Mother Theresa and Albert Schweitzer, dedicated their lives to serving others. There is incredible power in removing the focus from myself and focusing it on helping others. Gandhi knew this, as he said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
Giving back is not merely an act of altruism; it is a critical component of the recovery process that helps members stay sober and strengthens the AA community. By giving back, participants also receive significant benefits to bolster their recovery. As Seneca notes, “Men learn as they teach. By teaching, you will gain more knowledge and strength, and by seeking support, you build a strong foundation of trust and community.”
Tony Harte, Founder of A Stoic Sobriety Empowering Recovery with Stoic Wisdom blog, wrote this piece. To read the rest of the article, including his criticism of 12-step meetings, click HERE to be taken to his site.
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