“I gotta run; I’m late for my treatment team meeting,” I said to my husband. Gulping down the last bit of cold brew, I shoved some dry cheerios in my mouth. I was wearing pleather pants and a Ramones logo tee with a pair of scuffed-up Doc Martins. My outfit was topped off with a distressed denim jacket and my signature array of eight-hundred gold bracelets. I was off to save the world, lip gloss in tow.
Allow me to introduce my authentic sober self…
If you are wondering what professional setting in corporate America allows me to roll up in this ensemble, I’d be happy to explain. I am the Director of Nursing in a behavioral health setting where employees are encouraged to show up as their authentic selves. (Barring some safe and sanitary dress codes of course) The staff are prompted to wear street clothes versus uniforms or scrubs because the goal is to be more approachable and real. There is a “power with versus power over” mentality inside the walls of my workspace and every day I feel blessed to be in that environment. As my recovery gurus remind me, I am right where I need to be.
When I leave work and set down the conversations about harm reduction, CBT, and mood stabilizers, I often go home to thumb through fashion magazines and play in my cloffice. (It’s a closet and an office, thank you, Glennon Doyle, for the idea.) As I was catapulted into 2022, I realized I wanted to take this fashion column to new heights. If I am going to “Walk the Talk,” I should include what I talk about all day, which is the not-so-glamorous world of behavioral health and SUD recovery.
I Am Lady Cat, Hear Me Roar!
Is it too big a stretch to merge the conversation of mental health and recovery with something so frivolous as fashion? Not really. Meet Alexandra Nyman @iamladycat, a designer whose premiere collection was a line called Therapy inspired by her brother’s struggle with Bi-polar Disorder. LadyCat and her mission are now going on to spearhead a show in NY fashion week called Break Free. It is being described as an immersive runway experience of art, design and fashion dedicated to raising awareness around two very pressing social issues: Mental Health and Addiction. Nyman is bringing this conversation to the runway, and I am here for it.
She is a thousand steps ahead of me and I couldn’t be prouder to say I know her. Nyman is already leading the charge in this arena, so I decided to dig in and talk shop with her. I was not surprised when she described how “vapid and toxic it can be in the fashion industry.” Yet this gnarly backstage view has been what prompted Nyman to lean in and figure out how to set herself apart by becoming a “designer with a conscience.”
The story behind the first collection
She wanted to tell a meaningful story with her first collection, not just the usual pomp and circumstance. Nyman recalled that when her show Therapy was featured in 2019, she was confronted with her own lurking mental health struggles. “Does anyone care?” She thought. “Is this fashion gig doing anything for the bettering of society?” Nyman reported feeling saddened with the industry’s lack of regard for the intense story behind her debut collection. The silver lining was that the models and influencers involved in the Therapy showcase began to open up about their struggles with mental health. This was when Nyman realized it was necessary to keep showing up for others in this way.
Soberocity
Back at home while working her day job as a media marketing manager she came across the opportunity to take over as the Editor in Chief of the site @soberocity. Sewing in her NYC apartment in her free time, Nyman is wearing both hats. She had opted for the role at Soberocity because of her deep-seated passion about mental health advocacy. When I asked her how these two roles merged, she explained this. “While working at Soberocity I was constantly getting these messages in my inbox that would break my heart. They were cries of help from people struggling and some of them were in a real crisis with their substance use issues.” Nyman wondered “How do I help them get to rehab? What direction do I point them to?”
Does Googling count as cardio?
Nyman described herself “aggressively googling” without much luck. She related to me that she began to think of ways she could essentially wear both hats at the same time. She said, “What if I tried to merge these two things that I am doing? All my connection were essentially in the fashion world. What if I went one step further beyond shitty altruism and found designers who are really invested, and we could build a community around this and we could really use our voices to lead this conversation?” I could hear the urgency and passion in her voice.
The DNA Behind the brand
Nyman then reported that she began reaching out to many different designers who are sober or struggle with mental health. She began hosting monthly panel discussions on the Soberocity forum. She described the process of diving in and talking with people in the industry with lived experience and how impactful it all was. Essentially Nyman was walking me through how this has become the DNA of her brand. What a great concept, I thought.
Wait a minute…
But first, let us back up and examine the term “shitty altruism.” Shall we consult the Urban Dictionary? It is defined as A fake and shitty attempt at portraying the image that one is selfless and has a genuine concern for the well-being of others. Okay, so I made that up, but you get the point. We see this everywhere. People love to talk a big game about mental health. But when it comes to the fashion industry, I often ask myself,…. who is wearing the boots on the ground here?
As Nyman verbalized her stream of consciousness, I began to see how I had merged these two issues as well. Behavioral health advocate by day, fashionista, and aspiring writer by night. Someone else out in the big world was towing this line as well. Where has Alexandra Nyman been all my life? These are conversations I have desperately wanted to be a part of. Although I am a few years sober, I am still overcoming the torments brought on by nearly two decades of alcohol abuse. Like many people in recovery, I continue to wrestle with that inner voice that says I am not enough.
Mental health issues + recovery = packaged deal
Mental health issues and recovery don’t hold a compartmentalized place in my life. They don’t accommodate my psyche by nagging me from the hours of nine to five and then graciously stepping aside while I am trying to create. It’s all a package deal. And the thing about creativity is that it exposes me to ways I never thought of before. It brings up the strangest mix of emotions. Writing this column, taking photos of my clothing, and modeling them have been hugely challenging in ways I did not anticipate. Besides the usual fears of “what will people think?” came the internal critic asking: Is this too corny? What do I even know about fashion and style? Am I a total fraud?
Done is good enough.
Regardless, I return to writing this column time and time again because I remind myself that it is a contribution. (Like service work for the creative) I just want the sober community to enjoy some laughter and inspiration. As I began to toy with the idea of the merging of the discussion of fashion and mental health, I began to see how connected they are.
Fashion allows me to bare my soul and show people how I see myself.”
-Shea Coulee
I thought of a quote I stumbled on in Marie Claire magazine by Drag Race star Shea Coulee. “Fashion allows me to bare my soul and show people how I see myself.” That summed up exactly what I had been trying to put into words. Except I wasn’t expressing my feelings around gender issues, I was trying to explain my mood swings. There are days I completely change my style because I feel rebellious or unconventional versus sophisticated and coiffed. It’s almost a direct reflection of my mental health.
To be seen and to be heard
I want people to see me inside and out. Short of leaving my house in a sandwich board, this is the only way I know how to convey my feelings. And the truth is, I don’t worry so much about my wardrobe as I do my inner dialogue, and the fashion statements become incidental. When Nyman and her team at Soberocity began hosting a fashion panel a few months ago, I spoke to her about the event, but I declined to participate. “I am not a fashion journalist.” Who am I then? I am just a behavioral health nurse who is hammering out this column every month for a cause.”
Imposter Syndrome is a real thing
I decided to recant my statement in late December when we talked again. “When we connected before, I opened with my limitations and not my strengths,” I told her. “I was too fearful of being an imposter. Not a real fashionista and certainly not a real writer.” The truth is, I was honored to be invited. I didn’t believe in myself enough to show up. Through inspiration from other sober creatives, I have come to realize the truth. My friend Kezia Calvert @thesoberelephantchronicles publicly reminded me…..”if you write, you are a writer.”
“If you write, you are a writer.”
While I’ve had no formal training, I put my heart on my proverbial sleeve and make sure The Sober Curator has a fashion column each month. When I confessed this to Nyman, she immediately related. “So many people in the fashion world have biases about who gets to call themselves a designer,” she said. Nyman also described the struggles that Indie designers face as well as those who did not attend prestigious designs schools or reach the runway in the conventional sense. Nyman is clapping back at the notion as she has dealt with dismissive ambivalence by the fashion critics and the heavy burden of imposter syndrome. She said, “I ask the question, do you make clothes? Do you sell them? So why can’t I call you a designer?”
If you design, then you are a designer.
I laughed as if a secret fashion Illuminati gets to determine all these unspoken rules. I don’t think so, sister. (At least not anymore.) And the same goes for writers. We had a collective ah-ha moment as creatives. Nyman’s experience brings to light how brutal the fashion industry can be on a person’s mental health. Therefore she is passionate about changing the narrative. She said, “I have heard people say I am just a lowly costume designer who works in theater.” “Give yourself some credit!” she demanded. “How many people do you know that can create a Marie Antoinette dress?”
Nyman’s current work is on the set of the film project Cram, written and directed by Abie Sidell. When she mentioned it, I was immediately struck by her humility. She quite literally has her talented hands in so many amazing projects. Yet Nyman only wanted to bring the attention and spotlight to the other creatives she is working with, not on herself. You can tell she has been a designer who knows exactly what it feels like to be overlooked.
What else is Lady Cat up to?
I did some aggressive googling myself to see what she was up to. Her website for Lady Cat features some of her finished pieces and highlights her meticulous artistry in crochet and beadwork. When I asked Nyman if she ever crafted clothing for individual sale, she said, “Yes, of course, anything that is designed I can be commissioned to make as its originally done or completely custom.” She disclosed, “I usually get my business through a referral from film work projects, social media influencers, etc. “Fashion is a collaborative language,” Nyman said. “I am a cut and sew designer who tends to avoid standard sizing and instead makes things to order” She stated, “I prefer to customize and tailor clothing” because “I believe that you should not have to try to fit the design, the clothes should fit you.”
Nyman went on to say, “My clients can choose an option from the runway, and I will customize it in the color and size that they want. I have also been very enlightened by working with disability activists who take the runway from their wheelchairs. They have educated me on adaptive wear, and I pride myself in creating pieces knowing that any BODY can wear them.” She then made a strong statement that resonated with me ”Fashion is not an exclusive club.”
Break Free NYFW Fashion Show
For the upcoming Break Free show during NY fashion week, Nyman said, “thirty to forty percent of my collection will be for plus-sized models ranging from sizes ten to eighteen” She wants to showcase real people wearing fabulous clothing, and she wants to bring awareness to real-life struggles. The dichotomy is eye-opening and exciting. The Break Free showcase will also serve as an awareness campaign as attendees will listen to the participants discuss their experiences about mental health and addiction.
Soberversary = Reason to Celebrate
It appeared Nyman, and I could talk for hours about all our hard-earned realizations, but at some point, I had to hang up the phone and hit the keyboard. I realized that Break Free NYFW would be live on February 14th, 2022, a few days after my 4-year soberversary. High five to me! I have worked f*ckin hard to get to this place emotionally where I can show up in the world as my whole self. It is thrilling to finally dig in and get to know more fashionistas with a conscience.
New York City, Here I Come!
I decided to get brave and book a trip to New York for the show. Thanks to Nyman’s recommendation, I nabbed a hotel room with gorgeous, eclectic interiors. I then began rifling through my cloffice for all the sparkly, furry, gawdy stuff I own. I have been so inspired by Nyman and the campaign she is crusading. It’s time to overcome my anxiety and insecurities. NYC, here I come. Carpe COVID Diem. (I need the Omicron variant to sit down, shut up and, listen.) We have some important stuff to talk about: Fashion and mental health.
P.S. Not only am I going to keep writing, but I am also dedicating the focus of my next couple of columns on Break Free NYFW 2022 and all the details of the event. Stay tuned, my sober lovelies…
Grace & Glam,
Kate
Break Free NYFW is an immersive runway experience of art, design, fashion, and social issues.
Break Free NYFW is an immersive runway experience of art, design, fashion, and social issues. The show will be held during New York Fashion Week on Monday, February 14th, 2022 at 7pm ET.
- 5pm: Red Carpet & Designer Pop-Up Shop with Live Mannequin Showroom
- 6:30pm: Doors Open to the Runway, Virtual Highlights from our Virtual Panels will air while you wait for the show to begin
- 7pm: Fashion Show Begins
Break Free NYFW is a runway show with a cause. We are looking to lead the discussion on mental health and substance use disorder within the fashion industry. We have invited mental health and addiction activists to not only walk in this show as models, but to be featured designers showcasing their collections for the world to see.
Leading up to the event, there will be a series of virtual panels for the designers and models to take part in discussing topics ranging from substance use disorder within the fashion industry to how to enjoy dressing for yourself again after a low mental health point.
A portion of the proceeds from this show will go towards 10,000 Beds, who provides scholarships to assist those seeking treatment for a substance use disorder to enter into a rehabilitation center.
Walk Your Talk with Kate Vitela is our section of the site that celebrates fashion and the role it plays in our recovery. Getting ready for life can be just as fun if not more fun, now that we’re sober…because drunk never looks good.
Resources are available
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
