The Quiet Struggle
I often write about my messy bottom as a nurse—those long, dark nights that ended with me face-planting into rock bottom. But what I rarely talk about is the five-year stint I had in pharmaceutical sales. Yep, as a career nurse, there was this whole chapter in my life that I almost pretend didn’t happen because I’m still a little ashamed of it. It was a time when I swapped my scrubs for suits, but I felt like I was constantly in disguise, hiding behind sales jargon and wine glasses. I wasn’t exactly a corporate superstar, but I played the part well enough to fool everyone—including myself.
I played the game long enough to notice something that still sticks with me. All around me were women—successful, educated, polished—struggling behind the scenes just like I was. We all had the perfect outward appearance, but I could see it in their eyes and those too-long glances at the bar. They were holding it together on the outside while unraveling on the inside. And now that I’ve been through it, I see it everywhere. The quiet, invisible struggle that so many women hide behind their success, social lives, and wine glasses. It’s everywhere, and you can’t unsee it once you’ve been there yourself.
High Functioning to Barely Functioning
Before I plummeted into the drinking abyss, it all started just like it does for so many of us—quietly, almost innocently. It’s impressive how insidious it is, how it creeps up on you. At first, it was just a glass of wine after work, maybe two at networking events, and then, suddenly, it wasn’t just “unwinding” anymore. It was something more, something darker. I went from being a high-functioning drunk to, well, not-so-high-functioning pretty damn quickly.
One minute, I was the woman everyone admired—the one with the lucrative job, great apartment, and busy social life, and the next? I was sneaking drinks before work meetings, canceling plans because I couldn’t face people sober, and waking up every morning in last night’s dress, wondering how I’d let it get this far. That’s the thing about this kind of drinking- it doesn’t announce itself with flashing lights. It’s subtle. A slow, creeping unraveling that leaves you looking around one day, realizing the success you’ve built is just a façade, hiding the fact that your life is spiraling out of control.
And if you’re reading this, maybe you know that feeling. The one where you’re balancing it all—career, social life, expectations—but deep down, you know it’s slipping through your fingers. Because I’ve been there, too. High-functioning turned into barely functioning, and I hit rock bottom in a way that felt like it came out of nowhere but had been building for years.
But here’s the thing: I climbed out. I survived the wreckage, and I rebuilt. As a coach, I see you—high-achieving, successful women secretly struggling with the same thing. You’re not alone. And you don’t have to keep living this way.
Success on the Outside, Dumpster Fire on the Inside
Here’s the thing—I looked like I had it all together. My job title sounded fancy enough to impress even my most judgmental relatives. I had an income that funded a closet full of designer bags, and I even managed to pull off some version of grace at work events. But inside? I was a hot mess on a slow, well-dressed train to nowhere.
Mornings became this fun little game I played called, “What the hell happened last night?” The hangovers? Legendary. The anxiety? Through the roof. I’d roll out of bed, remembering why I thought tequila shots were a good idea when I had to lead a client meeting in 3 hours. But hey, at least I was functional. Everyone loves a high-functioning alcoholic, right? Super charming.
Little Miss Imposter
So there I was, in this perfect storm of high-achieving, high-functioning, wine-glass-in-hand messiness, trying to convince myself that I wasn’t completely losing it. The truth was, I knew I was out of control. I was just terrified to admit it because what would people think? I mean, heaven forbid anyone find out I wasn’t Wonder Woman, just a woman who couldn’t stop pouring herself another drink to cope with the stress of pretending she had it all together.
There’s something hilarious, tragically, about the lengths I went to to keep up appearances. I thought if I could land one more deal or rock one more client event, I’d magically stop feeling like a fraud. Newsflash: that didn’t happen.
The Big Wake-Up Call (Hint: It Wasn’t Pretty)
Eventually, something had to give. And spoiler alert, it wasn’t the universe suddenly giving me the ability to “just drink in moderation.” Nope, it was more of a dramatic, slow-motion train wreck situation. The realization that I couldn’t keep doing this—that this “fake it ‘til you make it” routine was more “fake it ‘til you break it”—hit hard. It wasn’t a glamorous epiphany. There were no violins or empowering speeches. It was more like staring at myself in the mirror every morning, makeup still smeared from the night before, and thinking, “Wow, this is where I’m at.”
The Aftermath: Climbing Out of the Wreckage (One Sober Step at a Time)
Sure, it was a battle. I didn’t just hit rock bottom—I face-planted into it, and for a while, I was pretty sure I’d stay there. I lost everything: friendships, self-respect, and the ability to look at myself in the mirror without feeling like a complete fraud. There were days when I wasn’t sure I’d ever escape that black hole I’d been living in. But somehow, I did. I clawed out, one excruciating, sober day at a time.
And now, on the other side of it, as a coach, I see you, high-achieving women who are quietly struggling. I see the mask you wear—the same one I wore—the polished, successful exterior that hides the chaos underneath. You’re holding it all together on the surface, but inside, it’s an entirely different story and exhausting.
I know what it’s like to fear that you’ll lose everything secretly, and I see the shame that keeps you stuck. But I’m here to tell you, you don’t have to keep living like this. You don’t have to fake it anymore. I’ve been where you are and climbed out of that dark place. It wasn’t pretty, and it wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.
You don’t have to keep doing this alone. I’m here for you, and together, we can start unraveling the mess in a way that feels safe, compassionate, and, most importantly—possible because it is possible. You deserve more than just “getting by.” You deserve to live, not just survive in last night’s party dress.
Juggling All the Balls (pun intended)
Holding it all together as a woman—especially one supposed to have it all—feels like a never-ending juggling act. You’re expected to be strong, successful, poised, and composed while secretly battling your demons. The pressure to maintain that image is suffocating. For me, every morning was an exhausting ritual of putting on the “I’m fine” mask and pretending like I had everything under control. Inside, though, I was crumbling, lonely, and terrified someone would see through the cracks. The fear of being found out—the woman who’s not as perfect as she seems—kept me trapped for so long.
What I needed, though, was for another woman to look me in the eye and say, “It’s okay. I see you. I’ve been there, and I can help.” There’s something powerful about being seen, about knowing you’re not the only one walking this tightrope, afraid of falling off. I didn’t need judgment or pity—I needed connection, someone who understood what it felt like to be at war with yourself while presenting a perfect front to the world. That kind of support from someone who gets it can be life-changing.
One of the most powerful things I’ve learned in sobriety is how transformative it is when women support other women. We know what it’s like to wear those masks, to carry the world’s weight on our shoulders while secretly falling apart. And when we show up for each other without judgment, something shifts. It’s women supporting women who create real change, lifting each other from rock bottom and helping us find the strength to live authentically. Sobriety isn’t just about putting down the drink—it’s about finding ourselves again. And when we do that together, it’s pretty fecking magical.
Peace Within, Bullsh*t Out-
Kate
Sober Curator Pro Tip: By the way, I created a video explaining the A/B process of alcohol and how it messes with your brain chemistry. You can check it out here: Video & Downloadable PDF
YOU’VE BEEN SELECTED: Top Five Questions I Get as a Sobriety Coach | Kate Vitela
YOU’VE BEEN SELECTED: Sober Curator Contributor Kate Vitela has been an RN in the Pacific Northwest for over two decades and has been sober since 2018. You’ve Been Selected is a column that describes her journey through coaching, addiction, eating disorders, and what is now known as Drunkorexia.
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