Hubris. It’s a word we often associate with arrogance, with the idea that someone thinks they’re invincible. But in my experience, hubris is far more insidious. It doesn’t roar in my strongest moments; it whispers in my weakest. It creeps in when everything is going right, telling me that I, somehow, can single-handedly mess up everything I’ve built, everything that my higher power has laid out before me.
I stand here today, a person in recovery, with a life that, by all accounts, should be a testament to grace and redemption. Yet, in the quiet of my mind, hubris has the audacity to suggest that I can ruin it all. Despite everything going on for me, I have the power to unravel the life I’ve been blessed with.
This is the same hubris that tries to make me doubt the very foundation of my faith. I believe in Jesus Christ, who calls me to put Him first. My faith tells me that as long as I keep my higher power at the center of my life, I will be okay. But then there’s therapy—something I cherish—that tells me I need to put myself first to be OK. And there lies the tension.
I live in fear that by not putting myself first, I’m somehow sabotaging my recovery, my faith, and my very soul. But what is this fear, if not hubris, in disguise? What is this nagging voice if not my ego trying to convince me that the Creator of the universe is somehow less powerful than I am when it comes to making my life work?
Let me be clear: it is hubris that tells me I have more control than God. It is hubris that tells me I can destroy the life that has been given to me as a gift. And it is hubris that tries to convince me that my fears, my doubts, and my anxieties are more real than the love and grace that sustain me.
This same hubris extends into my relationships, fueled by society’s obsession with independence. We’re told to love fully and completely; we must never be dependent. Codependency, they say, is the ultimate sin in relationships. But what if I don’t want to buy into that? What if I want to depend on my God, love, and friends? What if, in my heart, I know that interdependence is not a weakness but a strength?
It’s time I recognize my hubris for what it is: a lie. A lie that keeps me from fully trusting in my higher power, fully embracing the love that surrounds me, and fully living the life I’ve been given. My hubris tells me I have the power to mess up what God has already set in motion, but my faith tells me otherwise.
In the end, I have to choose which voice I listen to. The voice of hubris that says I am somehow stronger than the Creator of all things? Or the voice of my higher power, who tells me that I am loved, guided, and exactly where I need to be?
Today, I choose faith. I choose love. And I choose to trust that the one who holds the universe also holds my life in His hands. My hubris may try to tell me otherwise, but I know the truth: I am not alone, and I am not in control—and that’s exactly as it should be.
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