I felt a deep connection with Rich Roll after finishing his book Finding Ultra: Rejecting Middle Age, Becoming One of the World’s Fittest Men, and Discovering Myself. In the forward, he expresses his analysis of what needs to be done to make us better humans and create a more sustainable planet. The bottom line is that we keep looking outside ourselves for a solution that comes from within. Fulfillment, peace, harmony, and health all start from an internal commitment—not by waiting for others to change. Our happiness will never be sustained by searching for the next shiny object. Whether it is a higher degree, booze, drugs, sugar, the new gorgeous girlfriend, success, approval, money, power, or comfort, this ongoing, endless quest for some final destination that will “make us happy” leads us to more longing and endless dissatisfaction. He calls it The Big Lie.
Besides agreeing with his overall philosophy of why we struggle, I related to his story because I am sober, I am beyond middle-aged, I have hit similar walls in recovery, and I wrote a book about another Big Lie (the delusion of saving someone). I have listened to many of his podcasts over the years and I have taken in lots of helpful information. I am not a vegan, I’m not a man, I am not a super athlete, I am not a celebrity. But I want to evolve, be open to new ideas, and find tips on what may be getting in the way of reaching my next goal—personally and professionally. I also like to feel part of a tribe of like-minded individuals who speak my language. It gives me hope on this journey of discovery, expansion, and authenticity to hear like-minded individuals conquering their own struggles with grace.
I experienced a completely ironic moment as I was finishing the book while on an elliptical machine at my gym. I’m listening to Rich’s grueling final two days of his Epic Five challenge, and I am blown away by each moment he is suffering and keeps moving! What kind of commitment is this guy capable of? He is relentless and unstoppable—even facing unceasing pain, injuries, and emotional and mental exhaustion. How much intense suffering can one take?! How the hell is he doing five Iron Mans in a row? This is unfathomable to me. I am listening to his book like the flight attendant has just announced our plane is going down and she is giving instructions on how to stay alive. I am riveted by his voice and experience. He is forcing me to think about where I stop in my own life. Is my perception of pain real or is it about fear of pain? As the story gets more and more compelling, I’m frustrated because my elliptical machine keeps shutting down at ten minutes. I say to the guy next to me, “Is something wrong with this machine, it keeps shutting off?” He politely responds, “Uhmmm, I think you’re going too slow.” Another humility sandwich. The crazy thing is I thought I was going pretty fast. Perception, once again, filling me with delusion. Help me, Rich Roll.
I identified with Rich on many levels beginning with his earliest childhood. He describes painful experiences as a kid being teased and ostracized because of his eye patch and physical insecurities. My first addiction was to food, so I know the experience of feeling less than, different, and not good enough. Our parents had similar solutions to our challenges by sending us to prep school. I felt retraumatized as I listened to his loneliness due to the alienation by others. The exact same feelings I had while at prep school. The pain of isolation, being different, and soothing those doubts with food and eventually booze and drugs. Both of our solutions to those underlying causes and conditions were substance use. Then, the identification with his early sobriety, the struggles with the legal system, and being around lawyers. I grew up with a dad who was a Princeton/Harvard man so I felt the familiarity of the world in which he was living. The ultimate confrontation with his denial and rationalization and eventually finding his way to treatment.
So, what was driving Rich Roll?
This was my ongoing question throughout listening to this book. Just like I may always have an overweight adolescent girl rejected by the popular boy living inside of me, Rich may have that awkward pre-adolescent needing to prove he is just as worthy as all those prep school boys who teased him. We all have an adolescent who has been wounded in some way driving our need to be accepted and loved. While seeing patients for years struggling with substance abuse, almost every one of them goes back to the pain of adolescence to discuss the relief they felt when substances entered their systems. The intensity of that drive is what amazed me and pushed me to begin to challenge myself more. I have never heard of someone who pushes this hard, well, maybe David Goggins. (The famous Seal Team member who does 100-mile runs in the desert)
When he describes the level of commitment that he made at eight years of sobriety to get healthy and say to his wife Julie, “I think I’m ready” to change his entire lifestyle? The drive, the obsession, the level of dedication—I almost can’t comprehend it. What I do know is I was in awe and wonder of his accomplishments. Even today after pondering his story, it is still hard for me to believe what he has accomplished.
If you want to change your life—read this book.
If you want to improve your health and well-being—read this book. If you want to get sober—read this book. If you want to challenge yourself just a little bit more than you’re doing—read this book. When he says that we are much more capable than what we believe to be true, I know that now. I will never see exhaustion, pain, and attitude as reasons to stop. Anything. All because Rich Roll didn’t. Thank you, my friend.
#QUITLIT Sobees Score: 4.5 out of 5
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