Applause for Braunwyn Windham-Burke, cast member of The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 15 for finally bringing reality to reality TV. If I had a reality TV spirit animal, it would be Braunwyn. You may wonder why I deem myself authorized to make such a grand statement for a woman I have never met in person. Let me go ahead and break it down for you.
Housewives franchise TV watcher 101
The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 1, the original of the housewives franchise that has made Bravo what it is today, started airing shortly before I got sober. The very first episode aired on March 21, 2006. My sobriety date is May 1st, 2006. I have never missed one episode in all 15 seasons. Go ahead and judge, but it’s my guilty pleasure and I own it.
Now, while I have not always watched every episode of every housewives franchise in every city that has aired to date, I have seen my share. For those of you now wondering, these are my housewive cities of choice; Orange County, New York City, Beverly Hills, and Dallas.
Would I be a good partner in a housewives trivia game? No. I would make a terrible trivia partner. Going back and re-watching old episodes is not my jam. I follow a handful of favs on social media and I’m not one to read celebrity tabloid news. I’m not above it, to be clear. Like, if you send me a link, I’ll read it. There is just only so much content a person can consume and in sobriety, I have learned to practice balance. I practice a lot.
Last year, in Season 14 of The Real Housewives of Orange County, Braunwyn was introduced to us as a new character, married with seven kiddos, who joined this elite gang of frozen-faced, spray-tanned women. These women live in their gated communities and love all of the finer things in life, including fighting with each other over pretty ridiculous issues. And, they really love to drink. They are almost always drinking in every episode.
I love it. I love it so much. For me, watching these shows is a form of escape. The drama, the relationships, the fashion, the homes, the cars, the examples of women entrepreneurs, I’m here for all of it. And if one thing has been consistent in every episode of every housewives franchise, it would be plastic surgery and their love to booze it up. Or, as Vicki Gundvalson, an OC OG that did not join Season 15, used to say “Whoop it up!”
Mommy wine and cocktail culture is a real thing. My son was 9 when I got sober, but he remembers enough, trust me. Before getting sober, I went to great lengths to glamourize my drinking. Let me be clear. There was nothing glamorous about me as a drunk woman. To be honest, my life became so much more glamorous after I got sober. That wasn’t my motivation for getting sober, but it sure was a nice bonus.
Reality drinking
In part, if I’m being honest with myself, I think I love watching housewife shows because I can watch them drink without consequences. If I could drink without consequence, I promise you I would never stop drinking. That’s how my body processes alcohol. Once I start, I can’t stop.
Sure, we’ve seen housewives on these shows flip tables, get arrested, throw tiki candles naked, and fall into bushes due to overindulging in booze. But the next morning, they have their glam squad lather on their HD make-up, they slide on their expensive sunglasses and designer outfits, and just keep on filming sans consequences. Maybe they go to therapy or rehab, maybe they don’t. But in all my years tuning in to watch the housewives trainwrecks, I have never seen a cast member own their alcoholism honestly and then actually do something about it.
Braunwyn is not the first housewife with a drinking problem. We actually saw her drinking escalating in Season 14. If you’re not an alcoholic, then you might miss a lot of clues or signals that people with drinking problems give off. Especially in situations like this, when they can easily get edited out. It’s almost like alcoholics speak their own hidden, secret language. We just know how to spot each other.
For example, if I’m out or at an event (pre-Covid obviously), and someone zones in on the fact I’m not drinking, it says so much more about them, than it says about me. As someone who has lived it, who has been to hell and back, it isn’t hard for me to spot when people really care about their booze in a way that is not intended.
Season 15
Season 15 opens with a montage of the housewives that have gone before and short highlights to remind us of what we saw in Season 14. There’s always lots of laughter, screaming, throwing of drinks, threats, and of course tears. We get a little catch-up with each of the ladies to set the stage for the new season and the new storylines. Conversations that keep happening in this first episode between the ladies seem to be surrounding Braunwyn’s drinking from Season 14.
Braunwyn takes us through a tour of her new 8,000 sq ft home, which includes a nightclub room built into the basement with a dance floor and the neon words on the wall that say “Make bad choices”. Given the chance, I have no doubt Braunwyn and I would have been drinking buddies. She has excellent taste and clearly loves to throw a good party. (Call me B, let’s start a sober pop-up party business post-Covid times. Xoxo, AB)
The conversation that gets me the most is her sitting down with Emily Simpson, the attorney with the new hip. The two really didn’t get that close in the previous season. In part because Emily was not putting up with Braunwyn’s drunken bullshit. Don’t worry if you didn’t see Season 14, they show lots of drunken flashback clips. Friends like Emily, that don’t enable others, are a critical part of the journey to getting sober. That was my experience anyway. When people called me on my shit, I pushed them away because I knew they were right. I just wasn’t ready. But I never forgot their willingness to stand up to me because it was really the right thing to do.
Braunwyn owns her side of the street and falls on her sword with Emily. We see her being raw and vulnerable. Her hands shake as she blinks back tears. Confrontation is hard for many people, especially alcoholics. (in my own experience anyway) Taking responsibility for bad behavior is both humiliating and healing. This scene is a really good sign that Braunwyn is truly working on her early recovery. I found out later that she was only two weeks sober when this season started filming. I can’t even imagine having any parts of my first year of sobriety captured on film for the world to see and judge. My sober trucker hat is off to you Braunwyn.
As the season moves along, Braunwyn also works on mending her relationship with Gina Kirschenheiter. Braunwyn had been taking things out on Gina that really wasn’t right or fair. The two actually bond together by attending a 12-step meeting. This part is not filmed, as that would go against the traditions (aka rules/guidelines/policies) that are in place for 12-step meetings. Gina’s reason for going to a 12-step meeting is court-ordered and not voluntarily like Braunwyn. Whatever happened in that church basement behind closed doors, a deeper friendship is formed between the two or a least a better understanding.
Meanwhile, another Braunwyn storyline in this season is with her teenage son Jacob, who has decided he wants to try drag. Jacob goes on to talk about his recent battles with depression and how cross-dressing is like a therapy and artistic outlet to express his feelings. As he is coming into his own, his family embraces him with open arms, love, and compassion. Braunwyn realizes she is coming into her own as well. Who is Braunwyn without the booze?
The plot thickens
As she is exploring all of these feelings, she starts planning her 20-year vow renewal with her husband. Throughout the season, Braunwyn talks easily about how it wasn’t hard for her to stay sober when she was pregnant or nursing. With seven kids, she was clearly pregnant for one-third of the time she’s been married to Sean. Admittingly, it was the non-pregnant times that were that much more challenging. She could refrain from drinking with ease for the health of her babies, but she couldn’t do it when it was just for herself. Oh, how I relate.
Over dinner in one episode, she challenges Sean on why he enabled her for as long as he did. Many of the women in the show make comments about this as well. To be honest, I didn’t really think he had that great of an answer. That’s not judgment, I just think he didn’t know what to do or maybe didn’t want to believe it was as bad as it really was.
I know personally, that even when my parents knew there were problems with my drinking and using, they didn’t really grasp or understand the level of how dark things were getting in my life. Alcoholics are master manipulators and negotiators. We know how to be painfully convincing if it will help change the subject off of our drinking and onto something else.
“Just don’t drink so much,” so many people think is the solution. The problem with this “theory” is that it doesn’t address the fact that the freedom to choose is simply no longer there. Alcoholism is not a lack of willpower. In fact, I would argue alcoholics in their cups have enormous amounts of willpower and drive. They will go to any length to obtain their substance(s) of choice, consume it, and battle the neverending hangovers.
In another episode, Braunwyn goes to a party with the ladies and it doesn’t go well. Everyone is drinking, she is not and she is fixated on it. And why wouldn’t she? She’s only a few weeks sober. Becoming very emotional, she ends up storming out of the party in a fit of tears. There is no way I could have attended big events with drinking in early sobriety. Thankfully I wasn’t in a TV contract that required me to glam up and show up.
Braunwyn also struggles with her relationship with her mother and it’s an interesting dynamic between the two. There’s a lifetime of pain there that is probably going to take the rest of their lives to work on. We only hear Braunwyn’s side of the story, but you can pick up on the vibes. It’s worth noting, that her mom’s hair is kind of epic. I wouldn’t mind living out old age in the desert with bright, pastel-colored blonde dreadlocks.
Episode 6
The most recent episode to air on Bravo is episode 6 which includes the vow renewal for Braunwyn and Sean in Palm Desert. The group of ladies has to make an “emergency” pitstop at the liquor store to load up before checking into the posh boutique hotel. Heaven forbid they go all weekend without their tequila! Which happens to be Braunwyn’s trigger and she’s explained to the group she won’t be serving it at the reception. God bless Gina, who has vowed to stay sober for the weekend in solidarity with Braunwyn out of respect. The episode leaves us at the end of the vow renewal ceremony and teases the next episode to be the shit-show, drama-filled reception party we know it’s going to be.
Taking things off of the reality TV screen and into the Zoom reality laptop screen
There is very much a sober movement happening on Instagram. While it is on other social platforms as well, the communities I see rising up to break the stigma on Instagram are really something. In following Braunwyn on Insta, I saw that in October she was doing a live, virtual monthly mental health meeting with an organization called Virtual Studio Space. Despite the fact I live on Zoom and Teams during the week for work and try to limit my screen time on the weekends, I was intrigued enough to RSVP. That is a silver lining to living in a modern-day pandemic. I can zoom in to meetings of all kinds (not just 12 steps) with friends all over the country and even the world. *Please note that this event is not a 12 step meeting
Braunwyn is introduced and bravely shares with everyone on the zoom, probably less than 100 of us, her story. It has been my experience when people open up and authentically share their truth in a safe space where the magic happens. That magic can look like a lot of different things, but most often it is extremely healing to identify with the shared pains of others. The very first thing she shares is extremely important and powerful.
“I don’t know anything.” – Braunwyn Windham-Burke
Addiction runs on both sides of her family. As she shares about her teenage years sneaking out of the house and being the party girl, I could easily relate. We didn’t talk about depression or anxiety openly back in the 90s.
I found myself making a mental checklist of the things we share in common as she spoke…
- Both stopped drinking when we were pregnant
- Both have sons named Jacob/Jakob
- Drugs are part of her story, as they are mine, but are not allowed to be discussed on the show
- We both did geographics, which is the term for moving to a new place and thinking everything will magically be better. The problem with this theory is wherever you go, there you are. Alcoholics love a clean slate. They just aren’t usually very good at keeping it clean for very long.
- Both abuse shopping and food
- Both of us were blackout drinkers
- We both bounced along “bottom” for a while instead of “hitting bottom”
- We are both good at hiding things, and playing the smoke and mirrors games. Making everything on the “outside” look good when it’s really not.
- We are both blondes with a great sense of humor and excellent taste (I had to add this one because you know, blondes do actually have more fun)
As Braunwyn continued to share her truth, she talked about the outpouring of people that have been reaching out to her who battle the same issues and how overwhelming that has been. That’s a big responsibility. It’s never a good idea to put recovered alcoholics up on pedestals. (Remember we aren’t that great at balance) But as she continued to share, I was hearing all of the right words that lead me to believe Braunwyn is really working for her recovery. She is fighting for it. Every day. One day at a time.
I was also pleased to hear the things we share in common as sober women working in an active recovery program…
- No longer plan life around hangovers
- Became a Cryer
- Able to make commitments and keep them
- Honesty with her kids
- Remembers conversations (has never blacked out sober! LOL)
- Is a better friend
- Yes, you will lose some friends, but you will also make amazing new ones
- Once you learn better, do better
- Sobriety can and should be fun!
- Being of service to others will take you out of yourself
- Having the time of her life and remembering it!
Without knowing Braunwyn, I can tell you that I know her. No, I don’t know all of the details of her life or how she takes her coffee in the morning. (If you’re reading this B, I take mine iced, year-round, with a splash of cream and one Splenda) But the moment at the end of Season 15, Episode One when she says “My name is Braunwyn and I’m an alcoholic” I know her and who she is. The details are different but the pain and the baggage are the same. That shit is heavy AF. What a relief she must feel in finally setting it down. The unpacking process takes effort and time, but it can be done.
Sobriety is an incredible gift that must be worked on every single day. From what I can tell, Braunwyn is giving it an authentic and honest try. Will she fail? People relapse all of the time. What really matters is the progress she is making each day, one day at a time.
Alcoholism doesn’t discriminate. And as addiction, depression, mental illness, and suicide rates continue to sore during this current global pandemic, we need as many recovered alcoholics as possible to be willing to stand up and recover out loud. When we stand together in our truth, share our pain, and recover loudly, others will not have to die silently.
Resources are available if you or a loved one are in need
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.