You have likely heard several lively and spirited debates on the addiction management methodology of moderation. Most were probably initiated by the 4-part docuseries, Demi Lovato: Dancing with the Devil. AKA California Sober, for Lovato, this is drinking in moderation and smoking weed but “staying away from the hard drugs that will kill her.” Well, sober friends, this review is going to look at exactly how we got here and will examine both sides along the way. So ladies and gentlemen, LLLLLLet’s Get Ready to Ruummmblllllllle! But remember we’re all in this recovery thing together. We’re looking for a clean fight. No sucker punches, name calling, taking each other’s inventory or hitting below the belt.
CaliSober is Cool vs Abstinence for Addicts
I’ve assigned teams based on what was said in the docuseries. First, Team CaliSober is Cool with Demi Lovato, her case manager from rehab, her sister, Dallas and her mother, Dianna all weighing in with, “We’ve got this, balance is key and moderation works.” vs Team Abstinence for Addicts with the “sponsor to the stars,” Elton John, Demi’s manager, Scooter Braun, her friend and former sober coach Sirah, her sister, Madison and her former assistant, Jordan Jackson who found her unresponsive, cold and watched her entire body turn blue weighing in with “moderation does not work, true addicts can’t control their substance intake and we are concerned.”
From World Tour to Overdose
The documentary team planned to cover Demi Lovato’s 2018 Tell Me You Love Me World Tour. Filming stopped when she overdosed on July 24, 2018. This was just 4 months after publicly celebrating 6 years of sobriety during one of her concerts. In April of 2018 Demi told her team that she no longer knows why she is sober and has decided to drink again. She then, reconnected with her drug dealer from 2012 and started on meth, oxy, molly and everything else. In June of 2018, 1 month before she overdosed, she was fully addicted to heroin but hiding it. Demi’s mom told her she was performing better than ever.
Hauntingly, Demi wrote Sober in June of 2018 and recorded Anyone just days before the OD. Filming resumed in 2020 after she and her team had time to process the overdose. Labeled as being a contrived look at only what was going on surface level, footage from 2018 turned out to be an alarming look at an addict’s desperate behavior.
How it Nets Out
We see Lovato’s recovery journey from 2018 to 2020. This includes a detailed description of an OD that by her own account, should have killed her. When asked if she is sober now, there was a very long pause. Demi hesitated to answer because she admittedly struggles with putting this part of her journey out to the public. First, she doesn’t want the criticism. Part of being in control for her is living her authentic life and doing what she thinks is best for herself. It’s not living for others or their headlines and twitter posts.
Secondly, she doesn’t want people to hear what she is doing to manage her addiction and think it’s ok for them to go out and drink or smoke a joint. She very intentionally states that recovery is not a one size fits all solution. She encourages people to explore what works based on what is important to them. There is a clear warning on the episode that states, “This episode contains content surrounding addition and eating disorders that may be triggering for some. It also raises moderation management as a treatment methodology for addiction which may not be right for everyone.”
What Demi Says Works for Her
In abstinence surrounding her eating disorder and addictions, Demi was miserable. After micromanaging her food, she only found recovery in her eating disorder by achieving balance through moderation. It is no longer her focus and she does not feel like she is in a prison. She takes the same approach with her addiction by drinking in moderation and smoking weed for relief from the pressure of life. She says she is in control of her life now. However, she says this with humility and acknowledges how powerful her disease is. And she realizes how lucky she is to be alive stating she’s on her 9th life and isn’t sure she has any left after this.
Ways to Recovery
Drugs and her eating disorder were coping mechanisms for the extreme depression Demi felt. Demi says these things gave her relief and kept her from taking permanent steps to end it all. But now, she’s done hiding from this. Demi doesn’t wait until she becomes suicidal to address her feelings. If she feels triggered, she texts someone so that others are aware of what is happening with her. This takes the power out of it for the moment. Constantly talking about it and taking precautions for addictions and depression allows her to stay ahead of it. She also took two years to work on the trauma from her past and meditates daily.
Now, she has a strong supportive team, who has her best interest at heart. Demi says she understands that the high she wants (Fentanyl) will kill her. She believes that this new revelation is enough to keep her away from hard drugs. However, she also takes Vivitrol shots, which reduce the cravings for opiates.
The Results
Que the Rocky theme song. Filming of the docuseries resumed two years after Demi Lovato was hospitalized in 2018 for an overdose. She retreated from the public eye and stopped performing. These 2 years were spent rebuilding her new team and confronting past trauma. It paid off bigtime. She reemerged with a phenomenal force. Her first time on stage after her OD is being referred to as one of the all-time best Grammy performances ever. Demi promised herself if she ever made it back to music, she would sing Anyone. The lyrics are a major cry for help and she says it describes exactly what she was feeling in the hospital. I can’t adequately describe the emotion this performance evokes. See more about this in Play it Again. Her vulnerability surrounding addiction put the world on notice.
Next, a flawless performance of the National Anthem at Superbowl 2020. This was a dream of hers she put out to the universe with a 2010 tweet. The docuseries was released in March of 2021 followed by her new album Dancing with the Devil: The Art of Starting Over in April of 2021. Regardless of what you think about her recovery, one can’t deny that she is a survivor. Her comeback journey from near death to monumental success as an artist is something to be noted.
How Demi Lovato and Dancing with The Devil Help Me
Demi was only drinking alcohol and had no intention of doing drugs the night she ended up in the hospital fighting for her life. This is evidence that for addicts, choice is removed and craving takes over when one is using. Demi asked her friends several times to stay with her. They did not but had second thoughts and felt something was wrong. Her friends ignored their intuitions about her state of mind. Demi was lying to her friends about the drug uses and pretending that everything was ok. It seems that she knew she was in trouble and she was right. This is a good reminder to be honest and continue to check on friends, no matter what.
Demi relapsed on the same drugs that put her in the hospital a few weeks after she overdosed. She was still in pain from unaddressed, past trauma. Showing that only when she worked through the trauma, was she able to find peace. Meditation, accountability and living authentically help her stay away from the dark place of heavy drugs.
As a 12 stepper, I believe that true addicts can’t control their addictions. If we could, we would. This puts me on Team Abstinence. 30 years of trying to control my drinking did not work. I need a higher power because my best thinking kept me sick. I disagree with the method of moderation. But, I understand that people achieve sobriety in many different ways and for many different reasons. If it weren’t for the overdose, the conditions surrounding it and her reliance on substances for relief, I may even support Demi’s choices surrounding recovery. What I do support 100% and what I am grateful for is her bravery in telling her recovery story in the most public way.
Scared Straight
I don’t need to agree with a version of sobriety to relate to an addict or benefit from her story. Demi’s account of what led to her overdose, her friends’ accounts of how they found her and the reenactment of the overdose in her music video for Dancing with the Devil made a lasting impact. I’m in disbelief that she survived 3 strokes, a heart attack, blindness and organ failure. Her story played out just as we hear it does for addicts and includes lying, manipulation and a struggle for power and control. It ended just as we hear it does with one of the three options for people with untreated addiction: hospitals, institutions or death. This is a vivid reminder of how powerful my disease is and it scares me into action. Action to maintain my spiritual condition and help others to keep my disease at bay.
Thankfully, Demi Lovato has another chance at life. Her story reminds me that this is not guaranteed for people in active addiction. It reminds me that my life and my freedom can be taken at any time should I go back to my drinking.
And the Winnner Is….
So, who wins the debate? Team CaliSober? Team Abstinence? No. It’s all of us! We all win. You don’t have to agree with her choices to recognize that Dancing with the Devil is good for the recovery community. Discussing sobriety openly is a victory. People are hearing a first-hand, detailed account of addiction, overdose and recovery from a world-famous superstar. Demi Lovato has let us in on her recovery journey and given us full access. Regardless of her choices, seeing her go from death’s doorstep to honestly recovering out loud is an inspiration. This will keep people talking and thinking about sobriety and recovery in all its forms for a very long time.
During the SXSW panel, Demi says her motivation for telling the story despite the backlash is to help people who are suffering from substance abuse disorders and mental health issues. Warnings during each episode include resources for those struggling and positive affirmations such as “it’s OK to ask for help”, “You are not alone”, “It’s OK not to be OK” and “Your lowest moment does not define you.” That last one really hits home for me.
There Are Always More Ways to Grow
The docuseries wraps with Demi stating, “Life is fluid and so am I. If you think you’ve got it figured out, you don’t.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. There is always something more to learn and new levels of spiritual growth. This and remaining humble is what helps us thrive in recovery. As for Demi Lovato and her recovery, I hope and pray she is right. Only time will tell.
Please Ask For Help
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
