Less than a year ago, a woman and Sober Curator named Kate Vitela contacted me from the vibrant canvas of Sober Instagram. She had an intriguing proposition. She wrote a column in an online magazine highlighting sobriety and the role fashion can play in recovery. She wanted to interview me.
*Cue imposter syndrome*
We chatted on the phone, and she conjured an article that seemed to effortlessly encapsulate not just my essence but the story that had woven itself through the tapestry of my life- a tale of sobriety and sartorial splendor, an artful choreography of self-care.
She contacted me through an Instagram account that was just barely a year and a half old. The same platform where my creative musings found a home. You see, I work a hard science job where fashion and style often take a backseat. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still showing up to the office serving looks, but I wanted a place where the looks could be appreciated. At the time, I was also about 1 year sober.
Sober Instagram
I dabbled in sharing my sobriety journey on and off on Instagram. I still do. There are moments of boldness, a raw courage bared to an unseen audience, and there are moments of reticence, the hesitant footsteps of one still traversing their own uncharted terrain. It was amidst these digital echoes that Kate’s voice found me again, just a few weeks ago. She told me that she was embarking on a new column (You’ve Been Selected) and needed someone to take over the Walk Your Talk fashion editorial (*cue imposter syndrome even harder*). The allure was undeniable, yet shadows of doubt flickered within me. Could I, in all my candid authenticity, inhabit this space and unabashedly unveil my unfiltered journey? The answer emerged, unequivocal: it was time.
Raised in a family that drinks
I come from a drinking family. A family with a history of alcoholism and an incredible uncle with a whopping 20+ years sober who is a true inspiration of what an indescribable life comeback looks like. I come from the normalization of alcohol at every meal and sometimes between meals. Alcohol was as common as air, an omnipresent companion to meals and moments, both mundane and celebratory.
Late Bloomer
I didn’t start drinking until I was twenty-one. I know, look at me the embarrassing rule follower. The college years ushered in the allure of intoxication, a dance into a world of carefree abandon. But hey, it was college. Everyone binge drinks. No problem, right?
Then, after some traumatic life events (and college graduation), I continued drinking. I had never had a DUI, I had never been arrested, I had never driven drunk, and drinking had never cost me my job or a relationship. All these boxes that remained unchecked just continued to confirm to me that there was no issue here to be seen.
Hello Pandemic!
Then the world as we knew it shifted. A global pandemic, its gravity reverberating through ICU halls where I stood, the relentless witness to the crescendo of suffering. I navigated the realm of critical neuro patients, their struggles mirroring the world’s plight.
Two Weeks from Hell
With each day’s dawning, I sought solace in the glass before me, the elixir that promised to dull the edges of reality. The pandemic raged on, and within its unrelenting wake, my drinking burgeoned. A crutch I clung to desperately, as workweek rotations swung like pendulums, oscillating between the respite of solitude and the cacophony of chaos.
It was during the rest week that I spiraled. I wasn’t coping with what I was seeing, I didn’t know how to put it into words, and quite frankly, for two weeks, I had nowhere to be. Alcohol was my faux friend. It made all the big feelings feel less heavy. It made my TV shows funnier and my life more bearable. And in just two short weeks, I had completely lost control.
I will never forget the day I sat outside my apartment in a park on the phone with my therapist. I said, “I think I have a problem.”
That conversation marked the threshold of my metamorphosis, the impetus that led me to embrace sobriety with unwavering arms. In the span of a heartbeat, I laid down my glass and embarked upon a journey into the uncharted territories of clarity and resilience.
And I have never ever looked back. I have had zero regrets over the past 2.5 years. I have established a community of badass men and women rebelling against the norm. I have found alcohol alternatives that taste better than cheap vodka and a community encouraging conversation centered around who I am as a person and not what is in my cup.
I Found Freedom
And I have found this- a freeing opportunity to share my story with a world of people still questioning their relationship with alcohol. I am still growing and finding what I am comfortable with. Labels can be a little tricky for me. I consider myself a “problematic drinker” and shy away from the word “alcoholic.” I don’t often consider myself in recovery. However, I celebrate yearly milestones and am incredibly proud of how far I have come. But labels are just that, labels. We don’t need them to get rid of the booze. We don’t have to put ourselves in boxes. Labels, like garments we don, are malleable, never stifling. I have transcended them, crafting my own narrative, my own revolution.
So, if in any way you resonate with this story. You feel yourself losing your grip. You aren’t having fun anymore. That’s okay. We are out here. And we are reclaiming what sober life looks like.
ALL OF THIS IS FASHION
The truth, laid bare, this, my friends, is the essence of fashion. It isn’t just about the ensembles that grace our bodies; it’s a statement, a proclamation of the self, an affirmation of our identity. The choice to imbibe or abstain, a fashion statement in itself, woven into the very fabric of existence.
ALL OF THIS IS FASHION. Drinking is a fashion statement. Not drinking is a fashion statement. Fashion, style, looking nice, and getting dolled up is a form of self-care that has replaced my nightly glass of wine. I swear that putting on a killer outfit and stepping out into the world will ALWAYS feel better than that first sip of your drink of choice and the inevitable hangover that comes with it. The antithesis of spiraling and drinking too much is picking yourself up, putting that outfit on, and strutting right into your alcohol-free life.
As I stand at the precipice of this revelation, I am humbled by the journey, grateful for the chance to share these reflections. A new season beckons, and with it, the symphony of fall fashion trends. Join me on this runway, a catwalk where sobriety takes center stage, and let us, together, uncover the elegance of life unadorned by the veil of alcohol.
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Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
