Breaking news! Dax Shepard has 7 days sober. This was the main headline on social media on September 25th, 2020. This news broke my heart a little when I heard it. I hurt for him. I hurt for his family. It’s something I fear will (could easily) happen to me too.
Friday afternoon I was enjoying my weekly zoom “happy hour” with what I refer to as my OG’s. This group of wildly creative humans holds a very special spot in my heart. We all worked together back in my magazine days. The group is made up of either people that worked at the magazine, people that represented our clients, or people that we partnered with to help us with our many (many) magazine parties. Running a magazine may sound glamorous. While it did have its moments, it was really just long hours and a lot of hard work behind the scenes.
It was fitting that this breaking news about Dax Shepard happened when I was surrounded by people, I know who love me and accept me with all of my faults. Although I am the only sober one in the group (and to be clear, the only one that needs to be sober in the group), this group fiercely protects me and my sobriety. We were about 20 minutes into the weekly zoom call when a friend in the group brought it up. “Alysse, what do you think about Dax Shepard’s relapse?” Wait. WHAT?
Somehow, I had not seen the news online yet. This is a little crazy to me because I work in media and consume media all day every day. The group knew they had lost me from the zoom conversation as I was deep into my iPhone scrolling to find answers. What happened? Is he ok? He had 16 years. (I have 14.) Inside I was secretly wondering, will I never be safe from the grips of addiction?
I have been a Dax Shepard fan since his days on Parenthood. I loved him before I even knew he also struggles with the same demons I do. Plus, he’s married to Veronica Mars (also known as Kristen Bell). This guy can do no wrong in my eyes. I included his podcast, Armchair Expert, in a blog post I wrote earlier this past summer on 11 binge-worthy podcasts produced by people in recovery.
Friday night as I curled up into bed in my favorite jammies with my two favorite furry friends, I turned on his podcast episode “Day 7“ which was getting so much “buzz” online. Dax openly shared for 47 minutes about what happened and what he is doing about it now. It was just weeks ago that his wife and children were celebrating his 16th sobriety birthday publicly. A celebration he was clearly not actually sober for.
Dax bared his soul in this podcast. He talked about resetting his sobriety clock. This is something I find myself thinking about often. Does resetting the clock mean you lose all of the time you had? I personally don’t think it does. You don’t lose it. But if you are trying to live an honest life, then you do reset your counter when it comes to tracking consistent sobriety. Anyone that argues differently, should probably do an ego check on their motives. What’s the point in tracking time if you aren’t going to track it honestly? Resetting requires being brutally honest about secrets you’ve been hiding, owning your part, and then doing things differently. Resetting is simply admitting you aren’t perfect and that is more than ok. Relapse is part of recovery for many.
In this episode on Armchair Expert, Dax talked about how his wife Kristen would have to manage his pills from a variety of accidents he’s had over the years. My son Jakob has had to manage my pills over the years too. My bestie Erin has to call and check on me randomly to make sure I’m taking the pills I’m supposed to be taking. 14 years sober and I still have pill issues. Some pills I want to take more than prescribed (I don’t, but let’s not confuse that with I could) and other pills I just don’t want to take at all, even though it’s imperative that I do.
I found myself relating to everything Dax was talking about in episode “Day 7”. The secrets, the head games, the lies, the pain, the gaslighting. Celebrities are just like us! Here is a man that seemingly has it all; a thriving career, a beautiful and talented wife, amazing children. But guess what? Addiction doesn’t care and it sure as hell doesn’t discriminate. No money or social status can keep you safe from it.
Sobriety is contingent on daily reprieve. It doesn’t matter how much time anyone has, we really only have today. Dax’s story reminds me this really and truly is a one-day at a time design for living. Thank you, Dax, for your honesty, your courage, your bravery, your willingness to bare your soul publically. Your life is worth fighting for. My life is worth fighting for. All lives are with fighting for. Relapse isn’t the end. It’s a very uncomfortable growing pain and the start of something new and improved. The beginning of new lessons to be learned.
Welcome back, Dax! The recovery community believes in you and is here cheering you on. Thank you for sharing your truth and your soul with us. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to live a life of sobriety in the public eye. You have helped me. I can only imagine how many others you have helped and will continue to help. We recover better together.
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Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
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Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.
