I had a great childhood growing up. I had a loving family, and fortunately, my upbringing didn’t consist of abuse or neglect like so many others who share my story of addiction. So one could argue that I never had a reason to start numbing my feelings in the first place, but regardless – when I got drunk for the first time, I fell in love.
As my alcoholism progressed, so did my desire to put anything mind-altering into my body. I first started to use lighter drugs, but in my mid 20’s, I was introduced to crack cocaine, and my addiction progressed. I often wondered, “How could someone like me, that grew up so well, end up like this?”.
My late 20’s
In my late 20s, I decided that the solution to my problems would come through marriage, buying a house, a nice car, and that white picket fence I thought everyone strived for. If society said it was so, maybe this would fix what had gone so terribly wrong. Of course, I married an alcoholic. Although he wasn’t a bad guy, we didn’t have a healthy relationship. We always lived beyond our means and could only have a good conversation when drunk. In those times that we were sober, we found it hard to communicate and co-exist.
At the age of 36, I had finally hit my spiritual bottom. I define my bottom as that moment I stopped digging because the reality was that I had created this life. Now it was my responsibility to change it. The problem was that I had no idea how. I sat on the floor with a bottle of pills wanting to end my life. I was overweight, unhappily married, depressed, and almost bankrupt. Although I have never been religious, I prayed and asked God for help at that moment. Then everything changed.
Not wanting to believe I had a problem with drugs and alcohol, I started my new way of life by getting a gym membership and hiring a personal trainer. I thought that if I could only fix the way I looked on the outside, maybe I could heal the pain I felt on the inside. Little did I know that the trainer I would hire was a woman in recovery, so my journey began.
Those first six months, I worked my butt off. I swapped one addiction for another and found myself working out almost daily. I ate chicken, broccoli, and rice daily and was obsessed with my health. I was manipulating my diet by drinking NyQuil after consuming three drinks on a weekend evening. I thought this would minimize those extra calories, and what alcoholic only has three drinks per evening…right? Well, it worked, but the problem was I still hadn’t come to terms with the fact that I was an alcoholic and needed to change.
The last bender
After one last bender proving to myself that I had lost control over how much I drank, I asked for help. On June 17th, 2012, I decided to start learning how to live a sober life. I joined a 12-step program and began to work on the 12 steps. I admitted I had a problem and built a support network that taught me I didn’t have to go at this alone.
In my first year of sobriety, I lost almost everything. My marriage fell apart, I filed for bankruptcy, and I moved in with a friend with little more than a futon, bookshelf, and dresser to my name. Yet, I felt I had gained much more – freedom and a fresh start. After I had laid the foundation, I started to help others do the same. I never imagined helping someone else could strengthen my sobriety, but it did. Although I got complacent at times, I managed to stay sober.
Living sober
In 2019 I embarked on a journey to find that purpose, and it started with surrounding myself with others living purpose-driven lives. Those people inspired me to start my podcast and share my story. I came to recognize that my past would be the key to helping me discover my purpose and help others do the same.
In 2020 I started my business and, within one year, wrote two bestselling books and left my corporate job to pursue my dream of becoming a full-time entrepreneur. Today I use my story, experience & ability to generate ideas to support women in discovering their purpose so they can create a life so good for themselves that they never want to return to their old way of living. I also realize that none of this would have been possible had I not gone through the experiences I did and learned to overcome them. Now I get to help others do the same.
Click here to learn more about Tamar Medford
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