“Mija….you smell like beer,” my mother-in-law said reluctantly as I climbed in the back of the SUV. “You may want to go back inside and brush your teeth.” It was 2015, and my husband drove us to my mother’s annual Christmas Tea. I was hungover as usual and dressed in a tacky Santa ensemble that I threw on last minute. I ran back into the house to gargle mouthwash and spray on more perfume. I looked at myself in the mirror; I was disheveled, bloated, and fighting back nausea. I plastered on a smile and forced myself out the door. Welcome to my “helladays.”
Mrs. Drunk Claus
I attended the event with friends and family, and I looked like Mrs. Claus doing the walk of shame. Not too far from the truth. Before I got sober, I had dubbed the holidays “helladays”. They were just a string of gatherings where I drank excessively, pretending to enjoy the festivities. I used to work harder to overcome my hangovers than I did to prepare for the events.
I showed up to my mother’s winter tea feeling disinhibited, messy, and looking very much out of place. Everyone was wearing their favorite velvet garments with faux fur, hats, and pea coats, and there I was in a poly blend Santa suit. It would have been comical, except my ensemble was more likely to catch fire by candlelight than it was to light up the room. Not to mention as a “sober, dignified woman,” I wouldn’t even wear that outfit on Halloween, much less a fabulous event. Thankfully, the “helladays” are behind me, and I no longer drag myself to gatherings feeling like garbage. I enjoy the process of meticulously or sometimes whimsically curating a style that feels right to me. And I love every bit of it.
This is not your typical “stay sober during the holidays” article
This will not be another article about staying sober over the holidays because, thankfully, the sober community has this topic covered. However, I will highlight the tremendous advantage you possess while not drinking at holiday gatherings. You get to put some thought and creativity into what you are going to wear and how you will dress your soul. You get to put together a beautiful holiday ensemble and pose for pictures without Eggnog dripping down your sweater. You are the present. Your sobriety is the gift. And you get to show up for the party.
I’m dreaming of a winter winter Christmas (outfit)…
One of my favorite styles is winter white because you can re-purpose your summer clothes and add layers of scarves and hats to emulate that snowy glow. Dig out your white jeans and throw on a cream or white sweater and light-colored boots. Mix white with a blend of ivory or ecru and some light neutral shades. Try a taupe, camel, or light grey sweater, and it serves to winterize the stark white of your summer britches. It makes for a chic holiday look.
And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the beautiful colors of the holiday season. I love the bold red and jewel tones in blue and green that comprise the color scheme. I enjoy traditional tartan patterned cloth, holiday plaid, or checkers in contrasting colors. I try to wear comfortable, layered garments that are practical to enjoy myself. I want to squat on the ground with the littles and capture their glee-opening gifts. I like to wrestle with the family dog and truck around my mother’s garden or latest landscaping project. I own my fair share of comfortable snowflake emblazoned sweaters, and I have no problem throwing them on with stretchy pants and lace-up boots. I like fabulous functionality at the holiday events
Show up and glow up
I will not wax poetic about all the various holiday outfit choices you make because you have the stuff to do, and so do I. (The shopping, the wrapping, the decorating, the cooking, and traveling. Ugh…) But I will say this: Show up and glow up. If you are dreading a specific event or gathering, focus on what you are going to wear and how you will show up for yourself. Chances are relatives are coming who haven’t seen you in a while. This is an excellent time to flaunt your sober glow. If your family has a habit of boozing it up over holidays, emulate Michelle Obama “when they go low, we go high.” Think empowering thoughts of rising to the occasion.
Tips for getting dressed up for the holidays
I select a new perfume that feels elegant, glamorous, and somewhat playful each winter. I like to spritz it up around the nape of my neck and my ear lobes so that the smell lingers in my senses. I guess you could say I choose a fragrance that feels empowering, and then I get high on my supply. This year, I chose Marc Jacobs Perfect Intense because it is warm and inviting yet holds just the right amount of spice and sophistication. It is “perfectly intense” due to the combination of roasted almonds, pink pepper, and night-blooming jasmine. I use fragrance to ground myself when I feel dysregulated by my surroundings. Sort of like a gentle nudge that says, hey lady, remember who the hell you are. Take a deep breath, slather on some lipstick and keep going.
Pucker up sober gal!
Lipstick is another small but impactful tool I keep in my purse/toolkit. I feel it’s simple yet empowering armor that can add a hint of glam to any look. I tend to default to my favorite shade, Icon by Fresh Sugar because you can slather it on. Icon has a buttery texture with buildable color that creates a bold red lip. It’s also very nourishing with SPF 15, and it feels and smells yummy under your mask. I like to gift this to sober friends as a token of shared empowerment. Here you go, friend. You are a sober Icon—glam up.
When I can muster up the glam and gumption, I use holidays parties as a good excuse to dress up and show up. They are a true sober gals’ runway because you get to go big and then literally go home.
Easy does it, take it one outfit at a time
This holiday season has already been incredibly busy for me. I imagine it has for you too. Amidst the chaos try to remind myself that easy does it. Pajama sets count as a full ensemble and beanie caps are acceptable with almost any outfit. I dress up when the feeling strikes, and I have no problem dressing down when I want to stay home and read or attend meetings all day. In my opinion, there is no such thing as an ugly Christmas sweater. Junk to one, treasure to another.
The “helladays” are over. The holidays are here. You are sober.
Grace & Glam,
Kate
WALK YOUR TALK with Kate Vitela is our section of the site that celebrates fashion and the role it plays in our recovery. Getting ready for life can be just as fun if not more fun, now that we’re sober…because drunk never looks good.
Resources are available
Resources Are Available
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.